Elvis Lives In My Basement!
No, Really He Does!
Hi, My name is Angie and this is my very own
(even though I'm sharing it with Leisha) homepage.
By now you probably think that I am totally insane
or have some kind of weird mental problem, but
I'm sorry to say that there is nothing wrong with me
except the fact that I tend to have a bit of a wild
imagination. Back to the fact at hand, Elvis does in
actuallity live in my basement, along with an invisible
lesbian named Elizabeth, and my big brother Bob.
Now Elvis never really did die, he just took a very long
and much needed break from show business. As
you probably well know towards the end of his career
he began to gain a large amount of weight, this
embarrassed him greatly and was a major contributing factor
to his decision to give up the profession that he loved.
Elvis promised all of his very close friends, including a very young
one year old me, that he would be back. Well, he re-entered my
life a little sooner than every one else's... Two years ago
I went to answer the front door of my rural Barnhartvale,
Kamloops, BC. home and to my surprise a five hundred pound,
excessively dirty, drunk old man was lying at my feet. Upon
closer examination I noticed just a hint of bushy black sideburns hidden
among the rolls of fat that were his jowls. After I realized that this was
my much missed friend THE Elvis Presley I quickly (well it actually took me two
hours) dragged him down to our seldom used basement so that my parents would
not be angry. The next morning I went to check on him and he was begining to come out of
his drunken stupor. When he became fully conscious he proceeded to tell me
what he had been going through for the past 17 years; at first his
disappearence had been great for him and then without his public he became
increasingly depressed and resorted to beer and vanilla ice cream floats
these added ten pounds to his already generous frame every month, then then the addition
became more serious and he NEEDED those floats everyday this was the begining of
a REAL problem! Elvis then turned to a very corrupt world, that of... stripping, this was the low
point, stripping is a somewhat dirty profession but whenthe
preformer is starting to look like the gluttony guy in "Seven" (not the Brad Pitt guy) with sideburns it's just
kinda gross! This is when he realized that he did have a problem, and needed help. Knowing that I
was the one who could best keep a secret he turned to me.
This is when aerobics came into the picture, first it was purely innocent just a way for him to get into shape,
Then he really started to like Richard Simmons, which was really very scary at first then I realized it was the
videos not the man (?man?). This turned into an obsession for Elvis, and he decided that instead of making
his big comeback in the music business he would turn to fitness, this is basically the end of the story as of yet
but if he reaches a deal to make a video I'll make it known to all of you. And I'm betting that you are waiting with
baited breath for the description of Elizabeth, she, as you already know, is an invisible lesbian. Confused yet? Well
Elizabeth originated through my friend Natalie's younger brother Clay, she was his imaginary friend who sat in the back
seat of their car and liked to hit Natalie in the back of the head. Eventually Elizabeth fell in love with Natalie which is to
be expected because she is so wonderful (ha ha ha) and moved from Clatons room to Natalie's closet. Eventually she found that
Natalie did not share her same sexual preference. She was devastated! I felt sorry for her and like Elvis took her in.
upon her arrival I discovered that she only wears stiletto high heels (the kind I wear when I'm on duty...my business...service?)
and a skirt, this doesn't really matter because she's invisable but that's Elizabeth. There isn't really much more to say about Elizabeth
and Bob is really not too interesting because he's actually normal except for the fact that he is the illegitimate child of my father and
my friend Shannon's mother, which is strange because Shan's mom can't have any more babies... Oh, and Bob likes Doritoes... If anyone has
a business proposition for Elvis, or any kind of proposition for Elizabeth write to me!
Send Letters to Angie and Leisha at:
Copyright © 1996
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Most recent revision Saturday, February 24, 1996
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