My Personal Thoughts; Copyright Lark Ritchie 1995. 1996, 1997. Notes on Kissing - Write me if you have questions...
One of the things that I find enjoyable is kissing. I also find that the topic of kissing, as an expression or as an art, is something that we, as a culture, do not discuss freely.
Kissing and the methods of kissing seem to be a taboo subject, far too intimate a thing to discuss easily with someone, or heaven forbid, within a group of people.
In many cases, if the subject does come up, then kissing is discussed in the light of humour, and not very good humour at that. It is uncomfortable humour. The approach seems to be that the conversation, once initiated, centers around a theme of "pet peeves." Consider this scenario.
Two males, in a situation of privacy, happen to diverge from the current topic to the topic of kissing. The conversation, as we pick it up, may go something like this:
Fred: "The first time I ever kissed a girl, I felt the hair on her lip. It was weird."
Tony: "Ya, I know what you mean... did you ever happen to kiss a girl, and she had bad breath? I mean, things seemed to be working out so well, and then you get hit with this terrible taste of garlic and chili or three days worth of every leftover in the house? Gawd!!! What a turn-off! I remember this one girl...."
And so it goes, the conversation continues into the areas of absurdity and negative humour. Kissing, and the discussion of kissing in a clear, honest, and unambiguous manner is a social taboo we would prefer not to tackle.
Based on my limited experience, and because I enjoy kissing, I am breaking the barriers of the taboo to talk about kissing and what it means to me. Kissing, as I see it is a part of the intimate relationship.
I like to kiss. In all of the forms of kissing, which span from the kiss of a father to his child, to the kiss of two lovers, there is little that compares with the kiss. It is a form of expression that, from both the physiological and the emotional perspectives, seems to be natural and loving, transmitting emotion and feeling in an exchange between both the givers and receivers.
To jump directly to the point, let us explore the kiss known as the "French Kiss" in which the two individuals kiss, open mouthed, and use the tongue as the prime instrument of the interaction.
For some, this is, in the first instance, a somewhat revolting thing to do, and when it is explored by one partner, the other quicky and silently avoids the intrusion, and artfully modifies the kiss to avoid continuance. The methods of avoidance may vary from the closing of the mouth and outright resistance, or making a move to the closed mouth kiss of the lips, or to starting a conversation which then can gracefully move away from the uncomfortable situation. For whatever the reason, one of the partners would prefer not to continue such actions, and makes it, in some way, definitely or subtly, clear that this type of behaviour shall not be used as a part of the expressionary repetoire in the activities.
For others, the French Kiss is considered a part of the expressionary repetoire, and as individuals, seem not afraid to partake in the interaction. They know the method; that the tongue is supposed to go from one mouth to the other, and there is no hesitation to do such a thing with a partner of their choosing.
Within the context of the framework of the French Kiss there can be many variations.
At the most cautious level, the tongue does in fact, enter the mouth of the other, only to return to its proper place of origin, ending the interaction. The function was performed, and technically, the kiss can be defined as falling under the classification of "French Kiss."
I would like to talk about the other far end of the spectrum, in the areas where, as we hear in a popular phrase, "To boldly go where no man (or woman) has gone before." I suppose that this expression is somewhat too strong, because I know that there are those that use the kiss at this level. But in my experience and discussions, I find that the taboo, and the avoidance of free discussion exists, and verification through conversation that such kisses are in fact a known and practiced part of the repetoire of the everyday population, is hampered and curtailed.
The tongue, we are told, is one of the most sensitive appendages in the human body. It is motile and mobile, densely covered with sensory cells, and important in carrying out bodily functions of chewing and swallowing and as a means of facilitating communication. In the area of communication, the tongue allows us to form and speak our words, make facial expressions, and also as an organ of touch, communicate on the physical and emotional level. Herein lies the object of the "French Kiss."
Let us first use an analogy. If we were to speak about hands, we could accept that there are many ways to use the hands within the carrying out of our lives. We use them as tools and tool holders, as shapers of pottery, and with the help of a hammer and saw, as house builders.
The hands may also be used as method of communication in the sense of body language. We can express frustration by throwing them in the air; we can also express beligerence by making a fist and waving it about; we can show receptivity by extending the hand to receive a touch, or to give a touch; a show of support. We can also use the hand to carress, to communicate a caring, or to provide comfort.
The hand and its fingers can also provide, besides comfort, pleasure. Tickling, fondling, and petting, in the sense of stroking, are actions which provide or seek to provide pleasure to another individual.
Strangely enough, these things also provide pleasure to the one intitiating the action. There seems to be an inherent two-way street of responses and reactions which occur when these activities take place, and both partners are receptive to the process.
Hands can be used, in this type of setting, as a part of play and interaction. One may walk fingers along another's arm, leg, or back; or both may use the hand or fingers so as to touch the tips of the fingers, one at a time together, in idle and somewhat undirected mindlessness, but pleasureable interaction. Touching in a multitude of combinations of finger to finger, hand to hand, palm to palm; one's hand or hands embracing the other's, and so on, in a sense of somewhat passive receptivity and initiation.
The interaction may increase beyond passive involvement to a more active stage where the play of hands becomes what we would consider to be true play, with each of the partners intently involved in the process, and as such, like in a friendly, rather than competitive tennis match, each individual's actions actively initiate a serve, and seek and expect a return of the ball, only to bring it into play again and again, one countering the other.
The play of hands can follow the same progressions and become an enjoyable, pleasurable, and fun thing to do between willing partners, spiralling upwards to a form of interaction which is conscious and deliberate, as a form of active play, in which the other human senses become involved, and expressed. Like the tennis match, the verbal interaction may increase, or the physical aspects may increase as the game becomes more exciting and demanding.
Such it is with kissing, and in particular, the French Kiss. The tongue, as with the hands, may be used similarly; showing receptivity, expressing emotion, and giving and receiving pleasure.
The progression of the kiss moves, in its initial stages, from series of a closed mouth kisses exploring the surfaces of the other's face and lips, to a nibbling, or mouthing action, which seeks, rather than continue the status quo, to envelope the lips of the other. Viewed from the perspective of a tennis match, this is the first sets of volleys between the partners.
Should both agree to this preliminary series, the interactions proceed to another level, in which the lips, in their kissing, become more open, and the tongue is allowed to be a part of the interaction, gently touching the lips of the partner, and interspersed with lips grasping and caressing lips, and finally moving to direct, but subtle touchings of the tongues, tip to tip, as fingers touch fingers, in the play of hands and fingers.
I have found, in my limited experience, that some people do not travel beyond the rudimentary interaction of tongues thrust into each other's mouths, and miss the real pleasures of the intimate French Kiss. For them the thrust is the act, and the further stages of play is not explored.
Consider how the hands spiral from passive caresses to active, conscious, and deliberate illicitations seeking and expecting response from the partner. The same can be expressed in the kiss. Tongues can touch, tip to tip, caress each other, exploring the other's surfaces, and the parts of the mouth; the teeth, the gums, the cheeks, and so on. As with the hands, little games can ensue. The tongues darting and chasing each other, tagging and running, or slowly lying alongside each other, each stimulating and being stimutated by the other. As a form of intimacy, the activity can be carried on for a few seconds, or several minutes of pleasure which may, but do not demand a lead to further acts of intimacy or sexuality. Repeated from the stages of closed mouth kissing through the play stages as a cycle, the kiss becomes in itself a satisfying and pleasurable activity, and expression of intimacy.
© 1996, 1997 Lark Ritchie. Contact me at this address..