Alien Abduction Preparation Guide

by Ronco

With the alarming rate that alien abductions in our society are increasing, chances are that your turn is coming up, and if so, you're going to want to be prepared. Our new book will tell you everything that you need to know for when the little green men or the small greys or the men in black come for you or a loved one. Most alien abductees return intact with few lasting scars from alien medical experiments and many abductees report having had an overall enjoyable experience. If you're really lucky they'll come to get you right after your wedding and take you and your newlywed bride or groom on a honeymoon that most have only dreamed of (remember to ask for private quarters). In any event, you are going to want to know as much as you can before taking such a trip. Our guide draws from and builds on the past experience of many prior UFO abductees such as Betty & Barney Hill, Travis Walton, and Whitley Strieber. In it you'll find an easy-to-read yet detailed breakdown of:

1. What to expect while aboard the alien aircraft.
2. What types of food you might be served (Hint: you might want to bring some Beano).
3. Some conversational phrases, such as:
"Hello, how do you do?"
"My name is _____________. What's yours?"
"Where are you taking me?"
"What is that you're about to inject me with?"

plus many other handy and useful bits of information.

Also included in our Alien Abduction Preparation Guide is a full-colored photo section detailing many of the most frequent extraterrestrial locations that Earths abductees have been taken to. This section will help you to identify the planet you're at in the event the abductors don't fill you in.

Some locations even have tourist sites where you can catch up on some tanning, sightseeing, or just plain relaxing . . . maybe even send a postcard or two back to Earth while you're at it (send them soon enough so that you don't get back before they do). Supplies are limited so don't delay. Be the first on your block to own a Ronco Alien Abduction Preparation Guide. Don't get caught off guard. If you act now, you will also a receive a FREE video version of the book narrated by Michael Dorn and Leonard Nimoy which contains all the same information as the book as well as 4 short videolessons on self defense to use in the event that your abductors ever get a little too aggressive. The cost for each book is $39.95 with a 10% mark-down for each additional copy ordered, so order a few for some friends. Studies show that you or someone you know will be abducted by aliens within the next twelve to eighteen months, so order now. Remember, the first 10,000 to order get the FREE video.

Alien Abduction Preparation Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . $39.95

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No animals were harmed in the production of this website.

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Disclaimer: All this stuff is imaginary (although I wish it was real). You can't actually order this stuff and I don't make any profit from it. Its nothing more than a time-consuming hobby, albeit a fun one. There is a real company called Ronco that makes real products that you can really order and a link to their website is provided here (now you know why this site is not at "ronco.com"). There are other companies that use the name "Ronco" as well, such as "Ronco Plumbing." The name of my fictional company is "RoncoTime."