Damsel in the Rough Tempesta.

Dynamic time-travel novel about a New Yorker stuck in Greece, first century BC. Creative adventure, prehistory characters mixed with the gods of mythology and a gal from Brooklyn with a phenomenal yen to be as funny as hell!
 


[Preparation for Mammogram] [Funny facts] [What your first name means, sexually speaking.] [Office humor] [Joke a] [Joke b] [Jokes and Humor 2]

[Funny Sayings.] [Comical Wisdom] [Jokes] [Humorous One Liners] [Employment Jokes] [Job Training Jokes] [Work Vs. Prison Life]

Assorted Jokes

T-SHIRT SAYINGS


If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

It's lonely at the top but you eat better.

Digital circuits are made from analog parts.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

A company is judged by the president it keeps.

Windows 98 ......

a 64 bit file system patch on a
32 bit extension and a graphical shell for a
16 bit patch to an
8 bit operating system originally coded for a
4 bit microprocessor, written by a
2 bit company, that can't stand
1 bit of competition.


FUNNY SIGNS IN GREAT BRITAIN:


(but could be anywhere)

IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs

IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.

IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)

OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.

QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.

SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK

And your crybaby whiny opinion would be..?

Do I look like a people person?

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

You!... Off my planet!

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Did the aliens forget to remove your probe?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

GEORGE CARLIN QUOTES:

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him . . . is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men; they think they're listening.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.


ACTUAL CHURCH SIGNS:

Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!

Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.

Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!

An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads:

"For fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays." The church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons-come hear one!

A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed."

People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.

God so loved the world that he did not send a committee.

Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!

When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.

Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.

Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily.

How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Nonsmoking?

Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives.

Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin.

Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.

If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.

If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.

Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.

This is a CH_ _ CH. What is missing?"
---------> (U R)

Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

In the dark? Follow the Son.

Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.

If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.

[Funny Sayings.] [Comical Wisdom] [Jokes] [Humorous One Liners] [Humor Page-5] [Jokes Page-6] [Funnies]

[REQUEST~IT Page] REQUEST~IT Page for the books, videos, music, you seek. Come to us, we will hunt the item and provide a direct link for your convenient, online purchase (usually Amazon.com--a name you know)
[The Rights of Lefts] The Rights of Lefts interesting and entertaining page regarding hand preference and orientation facts.
[Humor pages index] JOke page index

Damsel in the Rough Tempesta.

Dynamic time-travel novel about a New Yorker stuck in Greece, first century BC. Creative adventure, prehistory characters mixed with the gods of mythology and a gal from Brooklyn with a phenomenal yen to be as funny as hell!
 

_March 31, 2000_annml@hotmail.com