DAMSEL IN THE ROUGH at Barnes & Nobles
|The era is Ancient Greece during the start of the Roman Empire. Amazon warriors travel in secret tribes, not always getting alone with each other. The world is a deadly, changing place afflicted by the superior technology of gods. Damsel in the Rough is Tasha Malone Fidelli, a resourceful co-ed and unwitting time-traveler from Brooklyn, New York. Excellent Sci-fi, active, packed with valid survival techniques, unique questions about prehistory events, and mostly adventure with rampant humor mixed in the lore of mythological fancy.
SAMPLE TEXT: This is Chapter 4 split into small pages, no frames, and much kinder to WEBTV browsers.
The Lemon Squeezer and the Bartender
WHY MEN THINK, IT'S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN
You can hug a friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay.
You can hug a friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay.
You know The Truth about whether size matters.
You never had to walk down the hall with a binder strategically positioned in high school.
If you have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, you're not the devil.
You have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.
You can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
You can quickly end any fight by crying.
Chocolate really can solve problems.
You'll never regret piercing your ears.
KING SOLOMON ON MARRIAGE
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half."
"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.
But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.
"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.
"Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
DEATH OF PILLSBURY'S POP N. FRESH
Veteran Pillsbury spokes-model Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, Chef Boyardee, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The grave site was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.
He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and 1 woman, but only one position was available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions to the letter no matter what the circumstances ," they explained. " Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my own wife"
"Well", says the CIA man, "You're definitely not the right man for this job then." So, they bring the second man to the door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take the gun and kill her."
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I am not the right man for the job."
"No" the CIA man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they were down to the woman to test. Again they led the woman to the same door and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.
She wiped sweat from her brow and said, "You loaded the gun with blanks!"
"Its part of the test. You passed. What was all that noise?"
The woman said, "He tried to get away as I beat him to death with the chair."
[Funny Sayings.] [Comical Wisdom] [Jokes] [More Jokes] [Humor ] [More Humor]
[Humorous One Liners Page 1] [Humor Page 2][Humor Page 3][Humor Page 4] [Humor Page-5]
[Interesting Facts] [Assorted Jokes][More Assorted Jokes] [Assorted One Liners] [Funnies]
[Jokes page one] [Jokes page-2][Jokes page-3][Jokes page-4] [Jokes page-5] [Jokes page-6] [ Chuckles]
[REQUEST~IT Page] REQUEST~IT Page for the books, videos, music, you seek. Come to us, we will hunt the item and provide a direct link for your convenient, online purchase (usually Amazon.com--a name you know) [The Rights of Lefts] The Rights of Lefts interesting and entertaining page regarding hand preference and orientation facts. [Front Door: Wilma's Welcome] Wilma's Welcome is a story site of true and fictional tales. Welcome to Wilma's!
©_March 31, firstname.lastname@example.org