time-travel, humor, amazons, mystery]

DAMSEL IN THE ROUGH at Barnes & Nobles

Also at Amazon.com

The era is Ancient Greece during the start of the Roman Empire. Amazon warriors travel in secret tribes, not always getting alone with each other. The world is a deadly, changing place afflicted by the superior technology of gods. Damsel in the Rough is Tasha Malone Fidelli, a resourceful co-ed and unwitting time-traveler from Brooklyn, New York. Excellent Sci-fi, active, packed with valid survival techniques, unique questions about prehistory events, and mostly adventure with rampant humor mixed in the lore of mythological fancy.

SAMPLE TEXT: This is Chapter 4 split into small pages, no frames, and much kinder to WEBTV browsers.




Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock.

Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Look out for #1. Don't step in #2.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Do witches run spell checkers?

Half of the people in the world are below average.
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is getting better.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. -- Salvador Dali

Billy Murray, Geena Davis, Randy Quaid. If you like Bill Murray's sarcasm this is a must see. Randy Quaid adds physical comedy while Geena Davis basically just exists. But Murray is the real treat in this movie. The romantic play between Davis and Murray is boring but Murray brings you back with a great one-liner.Don't miss this one!

Pensive Questions

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
What's the speed of dark?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Can a storm be officially designated as a tornado without touching down at a trailer park?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Can I yell MOVIE in a crowded firehouse?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
How did a fool and his money GET together?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds fee' on money they already know you don't have?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

What year did Jesus think it was?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Is there another word for synonym?
If the only thing to survive a plane crash is the black box, why don't they make the whole plane out of the black box?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, who's the idiot that said: Quit while you're ahead?
What are Preparation A through Preparation G?
If knees were backward, what would chairs look like?
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?
Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Why is Greenland icy, and Iceland green?

Why do doctors call what they do practice?
How do 'Do Not Walk On Grass' signs get there?
Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you ate pasta and anti pasta, would you still be hungry?
Why are haemorrhoids called 'haemorrhoids' instead of 'asteroids'?
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
How can someone draw a blank?
How can there be self-help GROUPS?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?
Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?
What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
What happened to the first 6 'ups'?
Why Do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

If 7-11 is open 24-7 and 365 days a year why do they have locks on their doors?
If you mix milk of magnesia with vodka and orange juice, do you get a Phillip's screw driver?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
How come the bullets that work are fired, and the ones that don't work are not?
Who's cruel idea was is to put the 's' in lisp?

How can you be ALONE with somebody? Think about it...
Does Mr. Rogers really want us to be his neighbor?
Why did Mr. & Mrs. Howell pack so much clothing for a three hour tour?
If a book about failure doesn't sell, is it a success?

Johnny Depp, Mary Stuart Masterson, Aidan Quinn. Sweet-natured film about a put-upon auto mechanic Quinn, who tries to look after his mentally ill sister. Almost accidentally he stumbles onto the perfect companion for her Depp: a male misfit who sees himself as the reincarnation of Buster Keaton. This film is a riot.

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