DAMSEL IN THE ROUGH at Barnes & Nobles
|The era is Ancient Greece during the start of the Roman Empire. Amazon warriors travel in secret tribes, not always getting alone with each other. The world is a deadly, changing place afflicted by the superior technology of gods. Damsel in the Rough is Tasha Malone Fidelli, a resourceful co-ed and unwitting time-traveler from Brooklyn, New York. Excellent Sci-fi, active, packed with valid survival techniques, unique questions about prehistory events, and mostly adventure with rampant humor mixed in the lore of mythological fancy.
SAMPLE TEXT: This is Chapter 4 split into small pages, no frames, and much kinder to WEBTV browsers.
50. Act naturally 49. Found missing 48. Resident alien 47. Advanced BASIC 46. Genuine imitation 45. Airline Food 44. Good grief 43. Same difference 42. Almost exactly 41. Government organization 40. Sanitary landfill 39. Alone together 38. Legally drunk 37. Silent scream 36. American history 35. Living dead 34. Small crowd 33. Business ethics 32. Soft rock 31. Butt Head 30. Military Intelligence 29. Software documentation 28. New York culture 27. New classic 26. Sweet sorrow 25. Childproof 24. "Now, then ..." 23. Synthetic natural gas 22. Christian Scientists 21. Passive aggression 20. Taped live 19. Clearly misunderstood 18. Peace force 17. Extinct Life 16. Temporary tax increase 15. Computer jock 14. Plastic glasses 13. Terribly pleased 12. Computer security 11. Political science 10. Tight slacks 9. Definite maybe 8. Pretty ugly 7. Twelve-ounce pound cake 6. Diet ice cream 5. Rap music 4. Working vacation 3. Exact estimate 2. Religious tolerance 1. Microsoft Works _________________
George Carlin quotes:1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? 8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him . . . is he still wrong? 10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 11. Is there another word for synonym? 12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" 13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 23. How do blind people know when they are done wiping? 24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? 25. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? 26. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 27. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 28. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it. 29. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. 30. The older you get, the better you realize you were. 31. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 32. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. 33. Women like silent men; they think they're listening. 34. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. 35. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 36. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? ______ THINGS YOU WANT TO SAY AT WORK · And your crybaby whiny opinion would be..? · Do I look like a people person? · I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. · Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. · If I throw a stick, will you leave? · You!... Off my planet! · Does your train of thought have a caboose? · Did the aliens forget to remove your probe? · Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. · A PBS mind in an MTV world. · Allow me to introduce my selves. · Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. · Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. · See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. · Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. · Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. · I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. · A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. · Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. · Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1? · Too many freaks, not enough circuses. · Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? · Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. · How do I set a laser printer to stun? · I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
999 Lies for Every Occasion Jo Donnelly / Paperback / Published 1995
Abs of Steel, Buns of Cinnamon : A Cathy Collection Cathy Guisewite / Paperback / Published 1997
Access Denied : Dilbert's Quest for Love in the Nineties (Adams, Scott, Dilbert Book.) Scott Adams / Hardcover / Published 1996
Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: The Gate of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."
Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What Denomination?" Asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."
On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the village church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess we won't have a service today."
The farmer replied: "Heck, if even only one cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it."
During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what "Amen" means.
A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means - 'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!' "
A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer? "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".
I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.
"Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," I replied.
My son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?"
I said, "God tells me."
Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," she replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said.
Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
Answers in The Zodiac
SAGITTARIUS (November 23 to December 21): These chickens are restless and visionary. They love to explore new horizons and see life as a journey full of adventure. They greet every new experience with a warm heart, a ready smile and an open mind. They cross the road because of a passion to see more of the world, and a spirit which longs to be free.
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