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JOKES 1

COMPUTER TALK LAUGHS

     Press < CTRL >-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...
     Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
     Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

     ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
     E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
     Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!

     All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
     Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

  "640K ought to be enough for anybody." 
  - Bill Gates, 1981

     DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE==FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
     Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS==OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
     Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
     Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

     Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
     Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
     Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

     Read my chips: No new upgrades!
     Hit any user to continue.
     2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

     I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
     Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
     Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.

     Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
     Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

     (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
     (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer ?

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

Harrisons Ford and Gene Wilder. Yep, a comedy. Gene Wilder takes his most unusual role, a naive 19th-century rabbi sent from his native Poland to the fledgling Jewish community in San Francisco, in this warm-hearted comic adventure. The trusting soul is easy prey for the con men and criminals who prey on the immigrants arriving in the Philadelphia port and the rabbi, beaten but unbowed, continues his trek West solo: broke, underequipped, and hopelessly lost. Harrison Ford, fresh from Star Wars, is the roguish outlaw who adopts the determined traveler and the two become unlikely friends as they make their way through one scrape after another. Wilder makes a sincere and sympathetic hero, his faith and courage seeing him through one crisis after another, and fresh-faced Ford makes an endearing scamp of a bank robber.

T-SHIRT COMEDY SAYINGS

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock.

Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Do witches run spell checkers?

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.

Half of the people in the world are below average.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is getting better.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.

On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?

1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
2. Advising the President.
3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
-- David Letterman

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HUMOR AND JOKES INDEX of Pages

Jokes About...


What First Names really mean ]   [ laughs about Forms of Government ]   [ A Variety of Jokes ]   [  More Joke selections  ]   [  Comical Limericks ]   [ laughs about Man versus Woman  ]   [ chuckle about Preparing for the Mammogram ]   [ humor in Classified advertisements ]  [ Funny facts  ]   [ More humor, laughs, fun  ]  [  Even more fun  ]   [  funny Hollywood square's quotes  ]   [  Office humor ]   [ Collection of One liners  ]   [ humor: Things you thought you knew  ]   [  a Why ask why joke page  ]   [  humor on Work vs. Prison comparisons  ]    [ News Headline Jokes  ]    [New Meanings jokes  ]  [   Collection of various Jokes Page 7 ]  [ Jokes Page 8 ]   [Jokes Page 9 ]  [ fun with Dear Abby's Best  ]    [ Funny and humorous Sayings. ]   [ Comical Wisdom jokes ]  [pages one Jokes ]  [ More Jokes page 2 ]   [Humor collection page ]   [ Humor and jokes page 2 ]   [ Humorous and Funny One Liners Page 1 ]   [ Another Humor Page ]  [ Humor Collection Page 3 ]  [ Humor and Joke Collection Page 4 ]   [ Humor Page-5 ]    [ funny and Interesting Facts ]  [ Assorted Jokes ]  [ More Assorted Jokes ]   [  Assorted One Liners ]    [ Funnies ]    [  Jokes page one ]    [  Jokes page-2  ]    [  Jokes page-3  ]    [ Jokes page-4  ]     [  Jokes page-5   ]     [  Jokes page-6   ]     [  Chuckles  ]    

[   fun with Boss-believed tips  ]    [  Dear Abby highlights  ]    [   fun with Employment humor  ]    [  fun when English is trouble  ]    [  collection of Medical humor  ]    [  Funny News Headlines  ]    [   More One liners jokes  ]    [   a collection of Humorous New Meanings  ]    [  Humor on Training  ]    [  funny What He Says lines  ]    [  more jokes on Why Did the Chicken cross the road...  ]    [  a collection of General funnies  ]    [   Another Collection of humor  ]    [   Even More jokes  ]    [   And again, jokes and More humor  ]   [   Humor collection page 4   ]    [  Humor collection page 5  ]    [   Humor 2 page  ]    [  them Jokes page 1  ]    [   Jokes page 2  ]    [   Jokes page 3 ]    [  Jokes page 4  ]    [   Jokes page 5  ]   [   Jokes page 6 ]    [   Jokes page 7  ]   [   Jokes page 8  ]    [  Jokes page 9  ]    [  Jokes another second page of   ]    [   Lemon joke  ]    [   Funny and Humorous Sayings  ]    [   Funny lines of wisdom  ]    [   More Humor in Why Ask Why  ]    [   Jokes, first page of   ]    [   Jokes and Humor another first page  ]    [  Humor with item: Wisdom ]  
 

_March 31, 2000_
edits made January 2009wilma3-amazon@earthlink.net