Warning: This page is not conducive to maintaining sanity, perspective, contact with reality or any other form of pre-existing and/or so-called "normal" mental balance.  Not to be taken internally by humans, animals, mutants, aliens or other forms of life.  Do not expose to open flame or high temperatures.  May not function correctly below -273 degrees celsius.  Any and all apparitions, visions and hallucinations are entirely your own problem.  *Because of the "Uncertainty Principle" you cannot know simultaneously both the position and speed of this page.  Also, some quantum physicists theorize that it may, when unobserved, even cease to exist or will exist only in a nebulous and indeterminate form.*  Not for use as a yo-yo, inflatable sea horse, wok, or other survival gear.  Do not microwave.  Do not submerge.  Do not use while operating heavy machinery as it may cause drowsiness.  Use only with 1.467^5 watt light bulbs.  Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat.  May shrink.  Not warrantied in any way whatsoever.
 

*...* -- Hewitt and Subitzky, "A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning
    Labels"