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I'm not an expert on this subject, but as a woman who was physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally abused by my ex-husband, I think all the years of counseling qualifies me to talk to any women out here on the "net" who may be victims of abuse too and don't know what to do about it, or where to go to get help.
Men who batter women, or children, or both, must be recognized by our society and put away until they are rehabilitated so they can't sow the seeds of violence in others. When children are witness to violent acts against their Mothers, they grow up believing that violence is the "normal" way to deal with problems. We cannot in good conscience let this go on.
I know there are many reasons for women to stay with their "battering" husbands or lovers. When you are told that you are "no good" or "worthless" or "stupid" or "lazy" or any one of the other million hurtful names that can be aimed at you, you do tend to believe their validity after a while. Maybe I deserved it, maybe I am a rotten cook, or maybe I am fat and ugly or maybe I didn't try hard enough to be a good wife.....NO ONE has the right to hit you, call you hurtful names, sexually abuse you, spit at you, or throw you out of your home. GOD made you because you are beautiful to HIM and a lot of others feel that way too. Many women stay with their abusers because they have no money, no job, children they cannot leave, or are just plain terrified to upset their mate by leaving.
1. We all need to like ourselves, poor self-esteem is a big problem...you are a good person, no matter what anyone else says or thinks. God loves you for YOU.
2. We all make mistakes...that's what makes us human...so what if you can't cook or clean, you can learn to do these things and don't deserve to be humiliated or slapped around because you didn't exit the womb carrying a broom in one hand and a frying pan in the other hand. Love should be unconditional, ALWAYS!!!
3. You don't need money or a job to go to a "battered " woman's shelter. They will take you and your children in, maybe even help you to find a job, daycare, housing too, and will help you decide what to do legally.
4.You must call the police and put the "batterer" behind bars, if possible, so he can get the help he needs and also so he can't hurt you or anyone else. If you let him get away with the abuse, he may meet someone else down the road and hurt or kill her. It is your responsibility to make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else.
5. A judge can give you an "Order of Protection" to keep him away from you and your children. The police have to help you now, they can't afford any more lawsuits by ignoring us any longer. We do have rights too now, and many new laws to protect women from "battering" men.
6. Get counseling immediately! You need to find yourself and understand why this happened so it can never happen again. Your children will also need to see a counselor to vent their feelings of rage or fear . They need to understand that violence is not the "norm" and is not the way to solve anything.
7. Join a support group with women like yourself...I know that sometimes you feel like you are alone with this problem, but many of us are out there. It really helps to know that you are not alone.
8. Do something special for you everyday. You do deserve to feel special, you are very special to God. Take a few moments out of every day and read a chapter out of a favorite book, or take a short walk and enjoy the fresh air, or take a nice warm bubble bath. Make yourself a hot cup of tea or coffee and watch a favorite tv program...YOU DESERVE IT!!!
Life is much too short to live the rest of it unhappy and abused. I know there were times when I felt like I wished I was dead, but when I made the decision to take back my life, I entered into the happiest days I've ever had in my life. I found a freedom to be me finally.
A friend of mine once told me she would rather stay with her abusive husband than be alone for the rest of her life. Well, I found out that we are never really alone if we ask God for His guidance, and, there is a big difference between being alone, and being lonely. I did get a bit lonely once in a while after I left my husband, but I was never alone again.
This is a 24hr Nationwide Domestic Violence Hotline!!!!
This Hotline provides immediate crisis intervention and also counseling and referrals to local emergency shelters and services 24 hours a day. Please let them help you!
For anyone living in Canada and needing help, this link will provide you with the phone numbers and addresses you'll need.
The National Canadian&Alberta Crisis and Sexual Assault Centres clickhere
Another wonderful organization for women who are victims of sexual abuse is R.A.I.N.N....The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, is a non-profit organization located in Washington, D.C., which operates a free, confidential, 24-hour hotline in the U.S. for victims and survivors of sexual assault. The RAINN 24 hour hotline number is: 1-800-656-HOPE . Please call them...they can help.
Let's stop the violence against all women!
If I can help in any way, please let me know. I'll respond to anyone who writes to me.
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