You can find more words of wisdom in Thorns and Sand, a manifesto dictated by Herman the Cactus to Daniel "Squid Surprise" Goldlist!!
Mar 6 "Be true to your teeth or your teeth will be false to you." -Dental proverb
What can a wife say?
If you mention his bald spot,
There'll be hell toupee!
-Anon punned haiku
Mar 8 "One of the greatest labour-saving inventions of today is tomorrow." -Vincent T. Foss
Mar 9 "I never lost a game. I just ran out of time." -Bobby Layne
Mar 10 "A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else." -Len Wein
Mar 11 "Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars." -Hobart Brown
Mar 12 "If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel." -Will Kommen
Mar 13 "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone." -Mrs. Patrick Campbell
Mar 14 "Who's the more foolish?...the fool or the fool who follows him?" -Ben to Han in "Star Wars: A New Hope"
Mar 15 "The shortest distance between two points is always under construction." -Noelie Alito
Mar 16 "Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they were." -Unknown
Mar 17 "St. Patrick's Day is the only day when the cafeteria food is green on purpose." -common knowledge to university students
Mar 18 "Fighting with your little sister is all relative." -Toy Story: The Secret Life of Toys
Mar 19 "Babies with crayons make crib notes." -Toy Story: The Secret Life of Toys
Mar 20 "Beware of a potato with eyes in the back of its head." -Toy Story: The Secret Life of Toys
Mar 21 "There's no time like the present - especially if it's a birthday present" -Toy Story: The Secret Life of Toys
Mar 22 "Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do." -Toy Story: The Secret Life of Toys
Mar 23 "When you meet your match, make sure it doesn't have a flame at the end of it." -Toy Story: The Secret Life of Toys
Mar 24 "If you don't know how to fly, learn how to fall with style." -Toy Story: The Secret Life of Toys
Mar 25 "He who laughs last thinks slowest." -Unknown
Mar 26 "Sure I'm paranoid. You would be too if everyone was out to get you!" -Perry Noyed
Mar 27 "Misfortune (n.): The kind of fortune that never misses." -Ambrose Bierce, "The DEvil's Dictionary"
Mar 28 "With friends like these, who needs enemas?" -Max Headroom
Mar 29 "I've been poor and I've been rich, and rich is better." -Bessie Smith
Mar 30 "Time flies like an arrow, friut flies like a banana." -Groucho Marx
Mar 31 "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." -Steven Wright
April 1 Click here!
April 2 "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." -Carl Zwanzig
April 3 "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Albert Einstein
April 4 Unknown: "Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things."
April 5 "There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened." -Douglas Adams Edward P. Tryon: "In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time."
April 6 John Andrew Holmes: "It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others."
April 7 Max Frisch: "Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it."
April 8 Kilgore Trout: "The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest."
April 9 Woody Allen: "I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
April 10 Douglas Adams: "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
April 11 William J. Broad: "The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing."
April 12 Rich Cook: "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
April 13 Fred Hoyle: "There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for."
April 14 Ray Bradbury: "We are an impossibility in an impossible universe."
April 15 Christopher Morley: "My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed."
July 19 "I've fallen, and I can't get up!" - A really bad, yet memorable, commercial
Return to the Cribbage Inc.'s main page!!
© 1997 Cribbage Inc. This page was last updated on July 24, 1997.