(Moe realizes that the plane they've built is too large to make
it out of the hangar, so he decides the cut the hangar's walls...)
Moe: We got a cutting job to do. Get some saws.
(Curly begins to saw on the plane's wings...)
Moe: Hey, you nitwit! Don't saw the wings, you saw the garage!
Curly: I see the garage, but I don't saw the garage. You are speaking incorrectly. You are moidering the King's English, et cetera, see, saw, seen...
Moe: (angered) You saw one side and Larry'll saw the other.
Curly: Oh, I see. I saw.
Curly: Wait a minute. You know I'm temperamental!
Moe: Yeah, 95% temper, 5% mental.
Moe: (as a census taker) Where were you born?
Curly: Lake Winnipesaukee.
Moe: Lake Winna...How do you spell that?
Curly: W-O-(woof) Make it Lake Erie. I got an uncle there.
Moe: You snore like a roaring lion.
Larry: I do not. I stayed awake all night last night to see if I snored and I don't.
(The boys have mistakenly kidnapped a child and, with Curly dressed as a lady, are trying to get past an Irish policeman...)
Moe: How are you, O'Halloran? I want you to meet me sister, Mrs. Dennis O'Toole. She just come over from Ireland.
Policeman: Ah, Mrs. O'Toole is it? Ah, a fine boy you have there. Is he on the bottle yet?
Curly: I should say not. He don't smoke, drink, nor chew.
Professor: If you had a dollar, and your father gave you a dollar, how much money would you have?
Curly: One dollar.
Professor: You don't know your arithmetic!
Curly: You don't know my father!
Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen, the action of this pistol is so hard, it would take the strength of a mule to pull the trigger. (to Curly) Try it.
Curly: I'm no mule!
Moe: No, your ears are too short.
Bailiff: (speaking extremely fast) Doyousweartotellthetruth, thewholetruth, andnothingbutthetruth? (the oath of truth in the courtroom)
Curly: Huh?
Bailiff: Doyousweartotellthetruth, thewholetruth, andnothingbutthetruth?
Curly: Are you tryin' to give me the double talk?
Bailiff: (angered) Doyousweartotellthetruth, thewholetruth, andnothingbutthetruth?
Judge: (angered) Why don't you answer him?
Curly: He's talkin' pig Latin. I don't know what he's sayin'!
Judge: He's asking if you swear...
Curly: No! But I know all the words.
Judge: He's asking if you'll swear to tell the truth!
Curly: Truth is stranger than fiction, Judgie-Wudgie.
Judge: Kindly address this court as "Your Honor," and take the oath.
Bailiff: Doyousweartotellthetruth, thewholetruth, andnothingbutthetruth?
Curly: Soitenly! What've I got to lose?
Judge: Take the stand.
Curly: (lifting chair) Where'll I put it?
Judge: No, no...take the stand!
Curly: (flustered) I got it. Now what'll I do with it?
(Larry and Curly attempt to pull an inflated Moe down from the ceiling...)
Curly: Wait a minute. We're both out of rhythm. When I say three, we'll both yank together. One...what comes after one?
Curly: Now ain't that a coincidunce!
Moe: Now calm yourself, madam. We're census takers. How old are you?
Larry: (at same time) What address is this?
Lady: (answering Larry) One hundred and two.
Moe: You don't look a day over eighty.
Larry: (to a sleeping Mexican man) Hey, hey buddy. Can you tell me where I can find Twenty-two Laredo Street?
Man: No moleste! Es la hora de mi siesta! (Approximate translation: Don't bother me! It's the hour of my nap!)
Curly: What?
Man: Siesta! Siesta! (Approximate translation: Nap! Nap!)
Curly: We don't wanna see Esther, we wanna see Dolores.
Larry: Say. Maybe if we find Esther, she'll tell us where we can find Dolores.
Moe: For once in your life you're right. Come on, let's find Esther!
Policeman: (to Curly) You remind me of a colleen I once knew in the Country Kerry.
Curly: You remind me of a cop I once knew in the county jail.
Man: (on phone) Is this Susquehanna 2-2-2-2?
Moe: Too-too-too-too? Whaddya think you're doin', playin' trains?
Moe: Good morning, sir. I'm the census taker. Are you married or happy?
Lady in House: (hits Moe in head with a vase, knocking him down the front steps)
Moe: Married.
(Curly hits Moe with a hammer and knocks him cold...)
Curly: Hey Moe! Hey Moe! Moe, what happened? Say a few syllables.
Moe: I'll annihilate ya. I'll moider ya.
Curly: Eh, wrong syllables.
Man: Pardon me, gentlemen. How would you like to get in on a deal where you could make thousands?
Curly: That ain't enough. We gotta make five hundred dollars.
Moe: Wait a minute, Shylock, she'll have the money on time.
Curly: Yeah, and I'll see that you get it, too. Me, myself, and I, personally. I'll guarantee it, see?
Man: And who are you?
Moe: Who is he? Why he's one of the biggest steel men in the country. He'd steal anything, I mean...his steel is known from coast to coast... (presenting Curly) Willy Steel!
Curly: And how!
Bailiff: Mr. Howard, kindly tell the court what you about the murder of Kirk Robin.
Curly: Well, it was like this, Mr. Court...
Bailiff: Address the court as "Your Honor."
Curly: Well, it was like this, my honor...
Bailiff: (agitated) "YOUR HONOR," not "My Honor."
Curly: Why? Don't you like him?
Judge: Allow the witness to proceed. The court understands him.
Curly: Thanks, Courtie. You're a pal!
Curly: (giving his testimony) Well, me and my pals, we're musicians. We were tearin' up some hot swing music in the orkester. Gail over there was swingin' her fans. Her sweetie, Kirk Robin, was inhalin' a bot-el of hooch at a table. And a hoofer by the name'a Buck Wing was gettin' ready to shake his tootsies.
Lawyer: Kindly speak English and drop the vernacular.
Curly: (referring to the hat in his lap) Vernacular? That's a derby!!
Moe: (with Larry snoring) Hey! Hey!
Larry: Wha' happened?
Moe: Wake up and go to sleep.
Man: Oh gentlemen, what will I do with her? (referring to his wife, Sherry) Now, let me tell you a little about Sherry...
Moe: Oh, don't bother. I'll take scotch...
Larry: ...make mine rye...
Curly: ...I'll take gin smothered in bourbon. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
Moe: (to Curly) Remind me to kill you later.
Curly: I'll make a note of it. (searches himself) I ain't got no pencil.
Moe: Well, I changed my mind, I'm gonna do it now. (Bonk!) Grab that chisel, chiseler!
Larry: Oh, excuse me, gentlemen. I've got to take care of my weak back.
Colonel: Pardon me, how long have you had a weak back?
Larry: Oh, about a week back.
Alma Matter: I see you've decided to major in criminology.
Moe: That's right, ma'am. All we want is the facts, ma'am.
Shemp: We chose criminology because it's scientific.
Larry: Indeed! In a lexicon of crime, it is theoretically propounded that passion, inhibition, and delinquincy are the major contributing factors.
Moe: Not to mention corruption of mind, destestations, and schizophrenia, if I may be so sesquipedalian.
Shemp: A jerk with a quirk may do the work. Or, a turk with a dirk may stick a clerk.
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