Miss the controller? Here....
|some thoughts and secondary reflections about
nothing in particular....
why? who wants to know?"
Ever since I woke up from a nightmarish dream to find myself back into the world of the 'single being' or 'being single', one of the few 'pleasures' which couldn't wait to outlive its welcome is TIME. I remember bitchin' often, about having no time for anything--to take a vacation, to read a good book, and much less, time for exploring something new--like learning the workings of the Internet and 'surf ' the 'Web'. In spite of having spent 20 years in the information system industry, I was dangerously ignorant of (what was then, and still is) a quickly emerging technology.
Before I mislead you into thinking that
I got divorced to pursue another interest, let me just
say unequivocably, that I would gladly give these all up,
to get all of what I had back. But fate seems to have
other designs on my life--although at this juncture, I am
confused and totally in the dark about what it is. But in
the mean time, I have plenty of time--to create a web
page like this, or to join a bunch of discussion groups
and chat rooms (Yuck!), answer my e-mails (can you
believe it?), and yes even time to get bored.
If necessity is the mother of invention, I'm sure boredom must play a major role in the re-inventing of one's self.
I seem to recall that the last time I had this much time on my hands was when I was a kid growing up in the ghettos of Tondo, a squatter-built community in the heart of Metro-Manila, the largest city in the PHILIPPINES, a beautiful country comprised of over 7,000 islands. (If you got some time--click and let me beam you back to the original Islands, man!). Back then, poverty was the teacher which molded my instinct for survival. There were those of us who yearned to escape our surroundings--a constant reminder of our limitations, a black hole which sucked up the energy and life out of many of my childhood friends. Thinking back now, I was raised in a scaled-down, but real-world version of 'DOOM'(the title is the ending), and I vividly remember the few times when I dreamt of escaping into another world, and back then it was an extra-terrestrial world, where every one was FREE, and everything was abundant, and accessible to all. 'Virtual World' or 'Cyber Space' hadn't even been thought of yet. But in retrospect, they've become the kind of worlds which I dreamed about--one which I had accepted to exist only in my mind, my imagination--a world very much like the World Wide Web, the cyberspace, of which I find myself today....A little weird at first, but when you start to realize what this new world is all about, the kind of freedom it offers, (or at least an escape to those self-imprisoned souls), then you too, can find some measure of fulfillment which only a voyage of discovery can provide....
If it was FATE at work then, I might be forced to conclude that my life would seem predetermined, and in spite of the best of intentions and planning, nothing would change the course and direction of my life until it meets with its eventual destiny. My efforts would be just like one of my favorite games when I was a kid--'Pinning the Tail on the Donkey'.
Sucked in Z Chicken's A--hole
I might just as well be pissing against the wind!
That's exactly how I feel about that. When I was a little kid, my mother used to tell me that the little moles on my feet meant that I was going to far away places. And I remembered looking up at the stars whenever she would say that. I also knew I was smarter than a lot of the kids. A lot smarter. I had finished first in every grade in every school which I had attended. And won most every academic contest and honors. The beginnings of a plan was taking shape. I joked about it -- "If the Americans have 'Astronauts' and Russians have 'Cosmonauts', well, I could just very well be the first Filipino 'Coconaut'"!
Growing up with success.... graduated
valedictorian, a full scholar, and varsity skipper of the
volleyball team--my failure to accomplish that goal threw
me into a precipitous spiral....It was my wake up call--I
realized that I had failed to take a required subject....
Faced with crisis, the man of character takes it upon himself.
Thanks for stopping by and please do come again.