The Journey Begins - A Diary
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I don't know when I realized that he was sick.  It seems like one day I was upset because he was not helping me like he used to.  It just seemed that more and more I had to do everything.  I remember how I looked across the room.  I saw the look on his face; he was so overwhelmed.  There was a quiet sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.  In that moment, I knew.

I cannot really say when it began but I know it was over a year ago.  I know that he slowly began to struggle with things that he used to love to do.  He changed from a busy energetic man into this older, slower person that for the moment I did not recognize.  He had stopped showering and wore the same clothes for days on end.  How had I missed it?

The days jumble together in my mind now as I think back.  Getting him to go to the doctor took a lot of arguing.  I called for advice and got him to go to the family doctor.  They got him started on antidepressants and his hygiene improved.  I saw little improvement - he became angry and hostile with me.  This was so out of character for him that it caught me off guard. 

My work suffered and I found myself short tempered with my co-workers.  When I worked alone I would cry - it was the only time I could let myself do that.  I went to see a counselor because of the anger I felt.  It seemed like the thing to do. There I could cry and pour out the betrayal I felt.  How could he get sick like this?   We had so many years ahead of us. 

He spoke of suicide.  I prayed for things to get better.  What would I do without him in my life?  I prayed for someone to wake me up from this dream.  I wanted him to snap out of this funk so badly that I did not know what to do.
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Name: Little Bear's Honey
Email: nanarete@msn.com