|<<<---- Me & kids, not so long ago. Click for larger image
You can also click here if you want to see what we look like today (july 1999)
|(This page was created one night in july 1998. I sat down by the computer and wrote it off, not knowing if I would keep this journal online or not. I was very depressed, sad and almost desperate. Once again I had decided to try a diet since the scales had hit another high. I was more than 50 pounds overweight. |
Now a year has passed and I don't diet anymore. I keep this site online anyway, because I have recieved lots of feedback saying I am encouraging others to diet... well... if you want to know what happened, read on.... ;-)
(This text might look a bit sad but... this is actually a success story!)
Just look at me. 83 kg again.
That's apprx. 183 pounds. (I'm average height, 168 cm) I have been up to 85 kg/187 pounds this summer but I refused to accept what the scales told me. But I know now it's about time I get my act together.
I have a history of being fat. I grew up a big girl. When I was 13 years old my weight was about the same as today, 80 kg. I'ts a lot of weight for a young girl. But I did it then, I lost the weight and I want to do it again now.
The difference is that it seems harder today. I have tried to lose weight for five years now, but only gained instead. No, I can't say I have really put my mind to it... I have always been giving up too fast, saying "I'll diet later" And it has left me feeling depressed, sad, feeling unattractive and almost bitter.
20 years ago I went on a diet and exercise program with ease, and about a year later, age 15, I had dropped to my goal weight 60 kg/132.2 pounds. It was a wonderful feeling. Imagine, ¼ of my body weight had just disapperared! And it was not very hard either. In fact I kept losing some more weight before my body seemed to settle at 57 kg/125.6 pounds.
I never saw it as a big deal, though people around me were astounded. But losing weight is probably easier when you are young and active...? Or is that just a lie I keep telling myself in order to justify my present lazy lifestyle?
To accomplish my weight loss, and to stay on target weight? I ate regular meals, lots of soups, vegetables and fish, almost no meat, no fried food, only boiled. And I never had any cooked food after 6 pm, I exercised almost every day (swimming and bicycling), did situps *sigh* But I didn't stay away from all the sweets. I have always been fond of chocolates and sweets, and I did allow myself to have some candy occasionally.
But I was used to being thin. Clothes looked great on me, Boys fell in love with me, (sheesh, I was not just vain, I was spoiled rotten)
Being young, pretty and in excellent shape I felt it was only the way things should be. I was a happy girl. Gawd, I miss that! I suppose I still am happy in ways... We find other pleasures in life, but I am definitely not happy with my present weight, body and looks.
Today, after two pregnancies, I have put on all those pounds again, and then some... After a couple of unsuccessful diets causing more fat to grow on my butt, this time I'm afraid the fat is back to stay unless I do something now and it can't be the same effortless attempts as I usually start on mondays and end on thursdays so I can "enjoy the weekend" (Never being able to get back on track again...)
Knowing myself I am not aiming very high to start with, when it comes to the exercise bit.
I might go swimming sometimes. Maybe go for a walk once a week. Apart from that there should be a training bicycle somewhere around the house, I don't know if I will use it. It's a scary thing, indeed...
Of course I 'm not dreaming of getting my youth back if I lose weight, but I hope to be able to be more happy with myself. The last years I have lived like a zombie, always putting life on hold, saying "later, when I'm thin again". Never buying any nice clothes, never going out, and my lovelife is absolutely suffering. I don't like my body, therefore I can't accept that my husband can find me attractive. My self esteem is down the drain, and I escape into more eating. I guess I have to love myself in order to allow other people to love me.
So this is what I want to do:
August 6, 1999: 50 pounds vanished since I wrote the text above.
By march 18, my 35'th birthday I reached 60 kg/132 pounds and I have stayed at 60-61 kg/132-134 pounds since then. (No, I didn't get Brad Pitt for my birthday, but I don't mind... I'm so happy anyway!) You can follow my struggle... No.. scratch that, because it wasn't really that hard.. but you can follow my diet in the diary pages and see pictures of me on the pics page.
Many people have been with me since day 1 and sent me a lot of feedback. Some say I should give out the secret, the key to my success and I must be honest with you all. Maybe this is disappointing but there is no secret. No shortcut. No magic trick. No drugs, pills or Herbal scams. I have gone through a change of life style. A plain old fashioned "eat less and get thinner"- diet!
But to comfort all who can't stand the thought of giving up the good things in life for celery twigs and endless aerobic sessions, I haven't sacrificed anything and I haven't exercised myself to death either! I haven't starved and I haven't tortured myself. Still I'm here, 50 pounds lighter and I feel ten years younger today than I did one year ago.
I have tried to think of what tips might be useful and if this can help anyone out there, I will be more than happy...
Val's storyWho is Val (Valkyrienne a.k.a Helene) and how did this start ?
I am swedish. Not that it matters, but it might explain some strange words in the diary, weird names of food and of course - the grammar... ;-)
I live in Stockholm and I am 35 years old.
I started dieting in july 1998, not too confident in believing I would make it this time either. It wasn't my first attempt... more like my 101'st.
I had been 50 pounds overweight for 6 years. Weight I put on during pregnancy and then kept on.. and added to.
What triggered my dieting this time was a bunch of holiday pictures.
I saw a beach picture of my tanned husband, my cute children and some huge woman with her back turned to the camera and it took me a while before I realized it was me there on that picture. I can't describe how sad I felt when I saw myself. I have avoided cameras whenever I could, and large mirrors weren't present in our home. I hadn't really taken a good look at myself for years.
I think I still had an image in my head of myself as the petite woman I once was but now I had to face the truth. I had lost control of my weight.
So I decided to diet. Again.
Food can be such a comfort.
The start and the webring...
What did/do I eat?
Here is my favourite lunch sandwich by the way:
After a couple of weeks it was very clear to me. The diet was working!
I also learned how I would, once a month gain a little bit more, but it would all come off without any extra effort after my period. If I hadn't kept such close track of my weight I might have felt this temporary "uphill" too hard to handle and given in to chocolates and other well known "medicines"
Finally, today I find so much more pleasure in eating than I used to during the last years. Food has been connected with guilt when I was overweight and perhaps I cooked quickly and ate fast in order to get it over with, or maybe so that noone would notice I went for seconds?Now I spend more time not only cooking, preparing and creating the meal. I spend extra time looking for healthy alternatives, I read the labels and I count calories. And for me as a person, I think this diet has been a great victory. Not only in the battle with the weight, but also in the change of lifestyle that I never really believed in before. Being overweight I always saw "healthy people" as weird health freaks, while now I realize that opinion was only a way of justifying my own unhealthy lifestyle.
Well friends... That's it. No secrets, no magic pills or miracle diets. If my diet can help any of you guys out there I will be very happy. It worked for me and I hope I can inspire more people to make their mind up. I think it's all in the head. You have to diet for you. Not to please anyone else.
Before I finish, I want to add one last thing. Remember my best tip:
When I get tempted during the week, I think to myself 'this is not the last time life I get a chance to taste this,' and it's much easier to walk away from it.
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