Member's Thoughts:

We asked most of the members of the 13 Squared Team to write some insight into being a part of the team for use on this page. We asked them to define their role in the team, provide some insight on team interactions, and highlight some memorable experiences. The results were quite surprising. We tried to leave the responses in their original form without editing whenever possible.


As far my role in the team, all I have to say is I'm the driver. In other words, I am the team. I'm sure the others would like to glorify what they did for the team, but everyone knows that we won the trophies because of my superior driving skills and not the car. Let's face the facts, I'm lucky I wasn't killed by those idiots trying to get the car into shape. Another thing, I did almost all of the work to get the car into shape. The rest of the team doesn't know a starter from a lug nut, I had to tell them exactly what to do or in most cases just do it myself so they didn't screw it up. Team interactions, that's a good one. The basics of team interactions was that the team went from one member (me) to about twenty when it was time to spend my prize money on the victory feast. I have allot of memories, most of which involve intense fear or intense pain on my part. The first is when I was inside a car working on the wiring when my beloved team members decided to dump gas into the car and pretend to light it. I was only slightly annoyed until about five minutes later, after the gas had turned to vapor, when the gas was lit, causing me to lose all of my leg hair. Another memorable experience was driving in the bag race and relying on a navigator (Mark) who couldn't keep left and right straight. See what I mean about being lucky I wasn't killed.


My role in the team:
Let's just say that if wasn't for me there would have been no team, no cars in shape, no demos, and certainly no trophies. I had to do everything, even though I had the least experience in demo derbies. I had to get all of their lazy ###es out of bed by the early hours of three p.m. just to make sure that we got any work done that day. Every time there was a problem, it was "Mark, what are we going to do now?" I also provided the shop to work in, most of the tools, a utility truck to take to demos, and most of the money to buy essentials like Dew, cigarettes, and the 3 a.m. meals at Hilltop. Let's face it, I was the team.
Team interactions:
Do you have any idea what it is like to work with idiots who have no concept of the laws of physics or mechanical properties? Let's just say I lost track of how many times I was almost killed. They jacked up a delapitated car with a handy-man jack while siting on a hill and then made me climb under to take off the starter. They alleviated my fear of the car falling on me by parking a Blazer next to it so that it wouldn't tip that way. The only reason their was any interaction was because I provided enough Dew to keep everyone around watching me work. I was also the resident scape goat when anything went wrong (this may be somewhat understandable since I was the only one who ever did anything). For example: when the car ran out of gas, it was my fault for not filling the tank. Or when the rear seat of the car caught on fire when were removing the interior, it was my fault just because I was the one using the torch on it.
Memorable experiences:
I've already alluded to some of them but a few more warrant notation. I remember navigating in the bag race with a driver (Chris) who thought I didn't know left from right, so he would go left when I said and meant right. Another memorable experience was loading a dead car after a demo all by my self with just a come-along while everyone else basked in the glory of a third place finish. A final memorable experience of the summer's runs was dropping out of college to pursue demo derbying full-time.


Let me tell you something. The team gots f###in' no dukes. Everyone of them thought they were all high and mighty with their little contributions. Truth is that I had to do all the tuff things like get the car running. none of them even knew how a car works. They were more concerned about the demos cutting into their drinking time than actually getting the cars ready. You might see pictures on these pages that show other people working, but they were superimposed. I have fond memories of the whole ordeal, like working all night while all of them were at home sleeping or something. And who gets all of the thanks, sure as h#ll not me. And to top it off, how much help did I get when I ran my own car in one demo. I'll tell how much, none - I had to make my own team just to have an adequate pit crew.


Team, what team are you reffering to? Oh yea! The one thing I can tell you is that those guys got no idea how to drink. Maybe it's because they don't do anything. The one night, I had to get my car and Chris's car running all within a matter of hours before the demo. The next day, I didn't make it back into the feature because I spent too much time trying to get Chris's car going again. And what did I get as a thank you? They ran out of beer. It's bad enough that I didn't get to continue, but they ran out of beer! I may not ever do anything on my own, because I spend too much time working for them, but if I ever do I will not run out of beer. Can you believe that they run out of beer? I bout to run out of beer now, but when the time comes to win, I will not run out of beer. Is they any worse punishment to you friends than to run out of beer? I thinks not. I go now, beer need drink.


Team? All they do all day is sit out in that shop and smoke! There is absolutely no way that you can say that they do anything even remotely worthwhile, that is until I show up. They do all of that easy stuff like the mechanicals, but I do the hard stuff. Have you ever seen how immaculate those paint jobs are on those cars? Does it look like I get any credit for it though? No, nowhere on that car do I get any recognition for all of the hours of blood and tears that I put in. I know that I am the one painting it, but I can't bring myself to put my name on the car without the OK of the bosses. They think that I don't do anything worthwhile. We'll see, I won't be oppressed forever!


Do you think that it is a coincidence that the only cars that have won, I've had something to do with? What do I get as thanks? I get my ### chewed every chance Chris gets. He expects me not only to be awesome at lettering, but also never make a mistake. Do you think that all of the stuff on those cars just thinks of itself? No it does not. I spend hours doing the hard stuff like thinking of what to put on them, and all they do is sit their and play with their tools. I don't see what they could be doing. Even I know how a car works, and I wouldn't need anywhere near that amount of time to get it ready. You just jump in and turn the key. Once it has started, you move that stick and the car takes off. Real hard huh! Except now I have experienced running in a powder puff. You know what they did to me? They gave me a car that was junk. No matter that Chris drove it off the track under its own power, or that he ran it again, he gave me a juck car. I have to quit now, before I get in trouble for saying something I shouldn't.

Ben N.R.E.M.T.:

Nationally Registered Emergency Medical Technician (Team Medic)
Let's face reality folks it is a wonder that these people are not dead yet. So thus, enter me. I am the new guy here and it is my job to put these whiney fools back together when they break themselves. Granted with all these clumsy accident prone fools on the team you would think that I would be insane to take this job, but hey! free beer is our friend!

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