HOW TO BE ANNOYING IN YOUR SPARE TIME:
o Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
o Staple papers in the middle of the page.
o Ask 800 operators for dates
o Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
o Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
o Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
o Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
o Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
o Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
o Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
o Honk and wave to strangers.
o Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
o Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
o Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
o Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
o Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
o ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
o only type in lowercase.
o dont use any punctuation either
o Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
o Pay for your dinner with pennies.
o Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
o Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
o Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
o Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
o Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
o Light road flares on a birthday cake.
o Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
o Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
o At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
o When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
o Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
o As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
o Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
o Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
o Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
o Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
o Drive half a block.
o Name your dog "Dog".
o Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
o Ask people what gender they are.
o Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
o Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
o Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
o Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
o Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
o Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
o Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
o While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
o Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
o Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
o Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
o Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
o Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
o Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
o Wear a LOT of cologne.
o Ask to "interface" with someone.
o Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
o Sing along at the opera.
o Mow your lawn with scissors.
o At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
o Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
o Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
o Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
o Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
o Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
o Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
o Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
o Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
o Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
o Never make eye contact.
o Never break eye contact.
o Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
o Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
o Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
o Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
o Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
o Make appointments for the 31st of September.
o Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
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