The road of Hell is paved with good intentions. My pious intention is to publish a moderated
list of picked humours,
so not to present you flames and other stupid stuff from people who
think that they are a lot funnier than they really are.
† Two Priests on Vacation
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they
would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as
As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some
really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking
straight toward them.
They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them she turned to
them, smiled and said, "Good morning father, good morning father" nodding and
addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist"
garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the
They were both
stunned: how in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous
outfits - these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them - and
again they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.
After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this
time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses,
because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads).
Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "good morning
father", "good morning father" and started to walk away.
One of the
priest couldn't stand it and said, "just a minute young lady. Yes, we are
priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"
"Oh father, don't you recognize me, I'm Sister Kathryn!"
HA! HA! HA!..... BONG!!
(Now that...was a man laughing his head off!!!)
Three men who died the same day were presented before God.
The almighty showed particular interest in their sex life. The first one replied
that he never had an affair before or after he was married. God granted him
a chauffeur-driven Cadillac.
The second man admitted he had some affairs
before he was married but none afterwards. God gave him an ordinary car.
The third confessed to having had lots of affairs. God gave him a scooter.
A few days later the man with the scooter saw the fellow with Cadillac sitting
by road side and crying. The scooterist asked him why was he upset. Replied
the Cadillac owner, "I've just seen my wife ride past on a bicycle."
Quotations About Marriage!
o not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.
any a man owes his success to his first wife, and his second wife to his success.
successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
arriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
f you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
f a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
e in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman.... and behind her stands his wife.
by: Pradeep Upadhyay (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Some good reasons for leaving the job:
--Responsibility makes me nervous.
--My boss insists that all employees have to get to work by 8:45 every morning. I can't work under those conditions.
--I was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
--The company makes me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.
--It induces more allergies than house cats and Mongolian sheep.
Entertaining in Your Home
"o not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his
by: Bill K. @ aol.com
Good * Bad * Worse
Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no."
Good: You get a three-day weekend. Bad: You get the flu on Friday.
Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune. Bad: It's counterfeit.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman.
he more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
"ll men are Idiots, and I married their King!"
ork is for people who don't know how to fish"
omen who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
ottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
There are three ways to get something done:
1) do it yourself
2) hire someone to do it
3) forbid your kids to do it
The Padre and hisLost Bike
A padre lost his bicycle. He was very distraught and consulted a friend about what to do.
"It must be a member of your congregation who took it," said his friend. "Next Sunday after your sermon, read out the ten commandments. When you come to 'thou shalt not steal', pause and take a good look at the congregation. The one who stole it will look guilty and you will be able to spot him."
The following Sunday the friend asked the padre if he had found his bicycle.
"Yes, indeed," replied the padre, "its back with me."
"So you followed my advice and found the guilty man?"
"In a way," replied the padre. "When I came to 'thou shalt not commit adultery', I suddenly recalled where I had left it."
An old, real puzzled gentleman tried to be helpful to a stoutly-build woman
warning her in a low voice:" Care Madam, your stocking are loose"
But he was much more puzzled to her replay:" May you be damned, I have none!!!"
Dave Barry On College
College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two
thousand hours and try to memorize things.
The two thousand hours
are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time
sleeping and trying to get dates.
Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours).
2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours).
These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in
-ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you
memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books,
then forget them.
If you fail to forget them, you become a professor
and have to stay in college for the rest of your life!!
the only place where:
- divorce comes before marriage
- success comes before work
by Lee Daniel Quinn
Religious Coffee Drinkers
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.
The first woman tells her friends "
My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone
calls him 'Father'."
The second woman chirps, "
My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, the
people call him 'Your Grace'."
This third Catholic crone says, "
My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks
into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."
Since the fourth woman sips her coffee in silence, the
first three women give her this subtle "
And she said "
My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard bodied stripper.
When he walks
into a room,people say,"Oh, my God...."
Submitted by: Robert J. Elkins
A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex.
Submitted by: Chez @hotmail.com
When he got home, he
couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had
discussed horseback riding with the members.
A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and
they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.
She said, "Yes, I
heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice.
The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell
to be continued ...
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This Home Page was created Sunday 23 June 1996
Most recent revision Thursday 4 April 2002