Cellular Trash
Insult:
He is so ugly, he makes onions cry!
Joke:
What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield? It’s legs!
Quote:
“The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.”
-C.C Scott
Insult:
We should try and fight air pollution. You could start by stopping breathing!
Joke:
How do you make a tissue dance? Put some boogie in it!
From Patrick:
“SEX DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL… SPEED, WEED AND BIRTH CONTROL… LIFES A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE… SO FUCK THE WORLD AND LET’S GET HIGH…J”
Quote:
“Concealed talent brings no reputation”
-Desiderius Erasmus
Insult:
Did the bride look beautiful? She wore a lovely dress, I wonder when it will be in fashion again.
Joke:
Illiterate? No problem! Write for free advice.
Quote:
“Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we, but on what we are”
-Henry Van Dyke
Insult:
People can not say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority
Joke:
A newspaper ad: Encyclopaedia Britannica 4 sale, like new- 1000 dollars, do not need it any more. Got married last week, wife knows everything.
Quote:
“Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson.”
-Vernon Law
Insult:
Do not go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you have a palm.
Joke:
What is the difference between pink and purple? The grip!
Quote:
“He who has not forgiven an enemy has never yet tasted one of the most sublime enjoyments of life”
-Lauter
Insult:
His teeth are so yellow, when he smiles the cars start to slow down.
Joke:
Why did the punk rocker cross the road? To get hit by a car.
Quote:
“The greatest weakness of most humans is the hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they are still alive”
-O.A. Battista.
Insult:
He is so stupid that when he sends a FAX he puts a stamp on it.
Joke:
What did the picture say to the wall? First they frame me and then they hang me!
Quote:
“You are where you are and what you are because of the thoughts that dominate your mind”
-Vincent Lombardi
Insult:
She is so stupid, that she looked over the glass wall.
Joke:
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this, a joke?”
Insult:
If I need a brain transplant, I would choose yours because I would want s brain that had never been used.
Quote:
“Life can be real tough… you can either learn from your problems, or keep repeating them over and over”
-Marie Osmond
Insult:
In all honesty, you are about as smart as a sandwich
Quote:
“If you do not find peace in yourself, you will never find it anywhere else”
-Paul A. Bendry
Insult:
You could not be worse off considering you stink. Wash, because you are almost as bad as an old armpit.
Joke:
What did the salad say when the cabbage interrupted their meal? Lettuce alone!
Insult:
When they were handing out brains you arrived late, all you got was a rain check.
Joke:
What did the woodworm say to the chair? It has been nice gnawing you!
Quote”
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life”
-Richard Bach
Joke:
What do you get if cross King Kong with a watchdog? A terrified mailman.