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Quote:
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”
-Albert Einstein
Joke:
Q- “What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
- Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Quote:
“Live your life so that when you come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.”
-Mark Twain
Joke:
What do you say to a hitchhiker with one leg? Hop in!
Joke:
Why are they taking seatbelts out of Cadillacs?
Because Velcro on the ceiling works much better.
Joke:
Why did the moron throw away his toilet brush?
He discovered toilet paper.
Quote:
“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today”
-William Allen White
Daily Insult:
He is so short, when it rains he is always the last to know.
Quote:
“The power of choosing good and evil is within the reach of all”
-Origen
Insult:
The closest he will ever get to a brainstorm is a slight drizzle.
Jokes:
What is the difference between a photocopier and the flu? One makes facsimiles and the other makes families sick.
Joke:
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Quote:
“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being”
-Johann W. von Goethe
Insult:
You are so boring that you can not even entertain a doubt.
Joke:
I have figured out how to stop biting my nails. I wears shoes now.
Quote:
“A man who will not die for something is not fit to live”
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.”
-Carl Sagan
Insult:
There are only two things about him that are- his education and virtue.
Joke:
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
Insult:
You are so dishonest that I can not even be sure that what you tell me are lies!
Joke:
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said Parking Fine. So that was nice.
Quote:
“A man may be poorly dressed and penniless, yet his burning desire can bring him the opportunity of his lifetime”
-E Barnes
Insult:
You have an inferiority complex- and it is fully justified.
Joke:
Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It is called “Arghh!”
Joke:
Artificial intelligence is no match for Natural stupidity.
Quote:
Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.
-Norman Vincent Peale.
Quote:
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of
-Benjamin Franklin
Insult:
You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
Insult:
He is so skinny, when he leans against the wall, it looks like a crack!
Joke:
What did the envelope say to the stamp? Stick with me and we will go places.
Quote:
“The important thing is this; To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”
-Chares DuBois
Insult:
Do not look out of the window. People will think that it is Halloween.
Quote:
“Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties, passing from one step of success to another”
-Samuel Johnson.
Insult:
You have a face like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
Joke:
Which day does a fish hate? Fryday!
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