Bailey- she's the fattest squirrel in the tree. She enjoys stealing food from all of the other squirrels and she wins every cheek stuffing contest.
Dolly- A very hyper squirrel, with an overly fuzzy butt. Dolly follows all of the other squirrels around, and is notorious for biting humans.
Patches- The squirrel that never shuts up. You can hear her chitters all through the day. She likes humans and is always trying to get petted. She likes to hunt nuts, and various veggies.
Earl- The only squirrel with a college degree, he lives in a house, and watches all the other squirrels play outside.
Denver- The fighting squirrel, he likes to race cars in the road.
Kristina- The slutty squirrel. She steals all of the other squirrels boyfriends and husbands.
Alfred- Owner of all of the trees. The head honcho squirrel.
Nicole- The know it all, bratty, squirrel lawyer.
Jaquelinda- The squirrel fashion model, lusted after by all of the male squirrels.
Trent- The burnout, crackhead squirrel, who smokes way too many acorns.
Edwardo- The sexy stud squirrel bachelor. The squirrel physician.
Warren- The stupid, brawny, beefcake squirrel.
Kenny- The squirrel that falls out of the tree one too many times.
Bart- The squirrel that terrorizes all of the other squirrels and steals their nuts.
Squrrelina- The evil squirrel witch.
Pete- The squirrel cop.
Stewart- The chipmunk who wants to be a squirrel.
Kaye- The grandma squirrel, who likes God and is always trying to shove acorns down your throat.
This weeks episode:
Edwardo pulls into "The Ugly Squirrel," a used car dealership. "I can't believe this, that looks exactly like my Squirarri!" Edwardo says and examines the car. A sales squirrel approaches Edwardo, "Are you interested in this mighty fine squirrarri, sir? We just got it in yesterday, some fool traded it in. Said he was gonna buy himself a Porsh." Edwardo's bushy tail flicks up, "What!? What was his name...I will kill that mangy squirrel!" Edwardo screeches. "Uh sorry sir, what seems to be the problem?" The squirrel asks. "That is my squirrarri! Somebody stole it from me two weeks ago, and now they have traded it in!" Edwardo yells.
"Patches! I can't take it anymore, I want my litter back!" Bailey cries. "My baby squirrels! How could I have ever given them up for adoption? How?!" Bailey yells. "Well, maybe you should find them Bailey, how hard can it be? I know a great private eye, Paul Squirelliams. He can help you find them." Patches says. "Oh Patches, what would I do without you?" Bailey says while giving Patches a squirrelly hug.
"This case with Trent and Warren is getting out of hand!" Nicole screams, "How can I defend them when they just run from the law! I need money for my troubles." "Calm down Nicole, Trent and Warren are good boys, they will not run forever." Kaye says. "Well I don't care! I need money, now. Nicole says. "Well okay, but I already spent my retirement money for this week, I gave it to the Christian Squirrel Coalition. You'll have to wait." Kaye says. "I cannot wait! Screw you Kaye, I'm dropping this case!" Nicole screams. "Well I'll be! I have never been talked to like that missy! I don't want your help if your not a bible totin' squirrel!" Kaye says while slamming the door.
Meanwhile in Intensive Care.... "Push Dolly, come on you can do it!" Stewart cheers. "Shut up, Stewart! I need morphine!" Dolly screams. "I see it, hold on...what is it?" The doctor says. "Jesus, what is this thing?" He says while he pulls the squirmunk out. "It's a squirmunk, sir, isn't it beautiful?" Stewart says proudly. "Uhh, well it's interesting, and it's a girl!" The doctor says. "Dolly, what should we name her?" Stewart asks. "How about Squirellella Chipette?" Dolly says. "Wow Dolly, what a beautiful name for a beautiful squirmunk, Squirrellella Chipette it is! Can we get married now?" Stewart says. "You are going to have to give me a lot of morphine to say yes, Stewart." Dolly says. "Doctor, give her more morphine!" Stewart shouts down the squirspital corridor.
Earl hops onto a tree waiting for the humans to come outside. He spots one and jumps on her back. "Oh Early, you squirrelly!" The human says and takes Earl inside. Earl eats tons of food and cuddles up in a warm towel. "It sure is nice to be back home." Earl says.
Denver squirrel zooms by Pete clocking cars. "Holy Bushytails! He's going 180!" Pete screeches while choking on his doughnut. He puts his police car into drive in pursuit of Denver. "Calling all squirrels, I need backup, we have a black Porsche 911 exceeding speeds of 180, and I can't catch him! He is heading down Squirrel Run road northeast, someone set up a roadblock!" Pete yells into the radio. The squirrel patrol lines the road, the Porsche's purr can be heard rapidly approaching. Denver sees the road block ahead and decides to go off road. He swerves around the police cars and keeps on going. The cops are baffled, and Nutty, a young rookie cop, hops into the police Mustang Cobra SVT with a turbocharger and takes off after Denver.