Lessons From Lewis
During my 'experiment', if you will, as a human, I have discovered many nuggets of wisdom that I wish to share with the younger generations. Some of these I learned while I was volunteering with the "Big Brothers" program. Ahh, those were the days ... But since it appears I am banned from the organization and will never get to participate in the mating dance, I will post them here for your benefit. Enjoy ...
There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades they can ignite.
A 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear & a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls
of a 20x20 ft. room.
Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball
up a few times before you get a hit.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh" it is already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, lots of it.
A 6 year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36 year old man says it can only be done in the movies.
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
If you use a waterbed as a home plate while wearing baseball
shoes, it does not leak-- it explodes.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house almost 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
Duplos will not.
Play dough and microwave ovens should never be used in the same
Super Glue is forever.
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
So can Tarzan.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in the pool, you still can't
walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCR' s do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials
show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Cleveland has at least a 5 minute response
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
It will, however, make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life
(unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
Unless, apparently, you work at the "Big Brothers" program.
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Last updated 09/22/00.