I recently got a letter from Chicken Head who is the prime suspect
of the robbery of a few paintings and other items that occured last month.
I have taken the freedom to comment to a few issues in the letter and have
done so in italics.
I would like to take exception to some of the comments of the new editor
of The Evening Star.
Brute's Chicken is a most dangerous place to be. The first time I was
there, the place was surrounded by Ykalonian guards, who seem to have taken
an irrational and violent dislike to me.
Irrational? I don't think that the murdering of hundreds is irrational,
nor the pillaging that follows, all for the imaginary insults you claim
they put on you.
The next time I frequented this unfortunate establishment, the whole
place was attacked by a veritable army of
murderous long-eared vermin and Mrs. Chicken Head and I barely escaped
with our lives. Based on my experience with Brute's Chicken, I can hardly
recommend this place to anyone, unless they have a death wish.
You should know that Brute's Chicken lies in a district of the city
of Ykalon that has the most weapon and armor shops. And the owners of these
shops often frequent Brute's Chicken on their free time. And what exactly
do you have against elves? Now I can really see why they took a dislike
of you. Many elves love the chicken served here.
I must also say that I notice no difference in the
fighting abilities of the Ykalonian guards. They seem just as easy to slay
now as ever, and still haven't even learned to use those daedric weapons
they ofttimes carry. A child of ten would know to employ the best weapon
available to him in a fight,
but this lesson has yet to sink into these buffoons. Nor do they
seem to have abandoned their constant and ineffectual cries of "HALT!".
Not that any one of them gets to drone on like this for very long, but
when a dozen or more of them are on my tail for some minor infraction or
other, it can take a minute or so to put an end to their bootless cries.
How shall you have it? In the paragraph above you just mentioned
that you and Mrs. Chicken Head barely escaped alive and now you say that
the guards are poorly trained.
It is easy to claim that crime
is on the wane, but I have noticed no discernable decrease in crime when
I am around. I note that you site no statistics to back up this claim,
most likely because there are none.
The answer is in your statement, of course the crimes increases
whenever you are around, you cause nearly all of the crimes yourselves.
Boorish Ykalonian peasants are still dropping
like flies and their shops have become my own personal treasure trove.
In short, Ms. Editor, I think very little of your editorials, or of
At least we share something. A dislike for one another.
P.S. Exactly where in Ykalon are your offices located? I might want
to visit sometime
A block away from Brute's Chicken. Just walk east from there.
. Are you in the habit of keeping large sums of cash on hand?
No, because of the crime situation I have my money in a bank account
Sara Wolff and Chicken Head.
|Rumors of Genocide Abound.
World in Crisis.
-- For the past few weeks, mages, scholars, nobility, generals, and social
workers have been pouring over a portal to another world that mysteriously
opened in the middle of Castle Sentinel. As of today, nothing has
passed through the portal other than whispered voices,
which apparently come from nowhere. When studied, researchers
the portal leads to barren worlds where apparently no life exists.
This world is a war-torn desert hell. Huge armored beasts carry
soldiers over the terrain, destroying every piece of scenery in their paths.
The beasts have some sort of magickal ability, as they are able to spit
fire and destruction from their mouths. Apparently, they are covered
in a metal harness, for they are immune to all attacks, except magickal
other beasts or from the wands that all the soldiers carry that dispel
lightning. Every person on this planet is in the business of death.
The Battle of Betony was nothing compared to the
The most shocking part of this is the fact that
the portal would allow this army of Battlemages into Tamriel, where they
could not be destroyed except by the strongest of gods, or the vilest of
Scribes have documented all the whispers that have
come through this portal. Sources revealed that this war is a religious
war, led by a man known as Paul the Mouse, or rather, in the tongue of
the otherworlders, Paul Muad'dib. He is leading his horde of desert
raiding mercenaries from world to world, bending space and time with his
very mind. When he reaches a
world, he destroys all who inhabit it, then places his own people there
to colonize it. Rumors state that he has already killed over 11 billion,
which is over 20 times the population of Tamriel alone. If this portal
is kept open,
and Paul the Mouse is allowed to enter our world, we shall all perish.
But mages, specifically the Archmage of Sentinel,
have perhaps stumbled upon the very nature of the portal. By determining
its nature, they may effectively nullify the magical field, and thereby
close the portal. Perhaps forever.
In any case, the nobility of Daggerfall, Wayrest
and Sentinel have decided to set aside their quarrels for the time being
in order to focus more upon the problem of this portal. Armies brandishing
the Eagle, the Dragon, and the Cross are gathered just outside the city
walls and are prepared to fight to the death in order to save the
world of Tamriel.
Get your copy of the new improved Daggerfall Apparel Catalogue!
We have at last sold enough articles to invest in an artist, that means
that you can see before you buy. So hurry and get your own catalogue while
it's still available. Just give this ad to your nearest clothing