This compilation was at one time dedicated to many people... but I feel extremely obligated and proud to dedicate this to no one.--no one that you know if you are reading thisd---, you will always have a special place in my heart that is only for you. If there be angels in Heaven then i know it is true because God has sent you to me. Thank you… thank you for actually being the first person in my life that actually loves me...
Throughout the years, we find ourselves eminsely guided to believe certain things that only leave us wishing we had never thought of such notions. As we grow and discover ourselves more, we find the answers to those questions: some of the results are positive, as where others are only bleak and chaotic. But which ever way it turns, life goes on and the actions that we commit are commited because that is the way things are intended to be. Without choices, we are nothing more than pawns in a vast world of perplexed pleasure.
Thus is the case with our heroine. In her eyes we see pain, but in her heart, we only see her struggles and sacrifices that have tormented her as well as lead her to her present day position. Sacrifices, that can never go unsurpassed in her world; sacrifices that only make you want to say, “Why? Why does she sacrifice so much for nothing in return?”
Life, Trust, Love and Friendship… and that is all we ever really want.
Time: January 23, 3068 ad 12:00 am
Prelude of a Dead Angel
My life is but an illusion. An illusion draped with only fragments; pieces of a lost soul, trying so hard to grasp the changes of a world around her. The only thing that soul can cope to understand is that things change, people change, and the way things are viewed on a personal perspective change. For the better or worse, it can never be determined, but if I must conclude my life today, allowing myself to express how my life has turned out for me as of now and then… then it was worth the time here.
As my eyes are cast down to the world around me, I sit back and wonder why have I made it this far. Were all my efforts in this world in vain? And if so, why do I continue to vaguely save a world that is far from being set free but instead closer to damnation?
But even as I save the damned, there are those taking the place of the previous. Those looking for a way out of this world, and those wanting to attain a higher position while not working to gain the rank I so longingly wish to possess.
I have once lived those idle days of sitting while calmly breezing the days like seconds around me. Seconds that I wish I could wind back but in reality can only be thought of as faux dreams.
My life is as faux as my title to this world.
I remember a little girl with no quandaries, but a life of pale blue embossed with a beautiful smile that no one could take away. Her name was and to this day cherished in all the hearts of those that knew her. Her name was Krysalis Amyl Mourn: the last of a dead race and, the last of the Forgotten Angels. A race of those so enlightened that their beauty alone could strike any heart as cold as marble but can also grant life to those that lust for eternity.
But that little girl has died so long ago and has left only a cracked shell for her alter ego to take her place. A alter ego so cold and bitter, but at the same time, sincere and forgiving. Let alone the fact that she is doing everything for nothing in return but peace. That little girl and her alter ego just so happen to be me, and to this present day I regret ever being reborn to that matter that others so unwillingly want to know.
The night is forever old and again I gain no wrinkle that confirms my true age. As I breathe in the smells and wonders around me I wonder why have I become what I am today… Why have I suddenly come to cope with a world around me that is so dead with its hopes and dreams of salvation? Is it because the true me is vulnerable to such acts? Or is it because my heart can't take too much suffering as to where I only want to end it with one determined flash?
The world around me is not important, but the time is just as less coherent as the place I dream to be brought back to. But if little things are important to you then consider this:
The time is far from being calculated as where below, around, and above me is a vast world of careless thoughts; a world of structures that are so voluptuous that the words you can express alone can’t exceed to describe the perfection that I live in. The only thing that steals away the beauty of this world is the people that inhabit this immeasurable place.
As to where I come into the whole scenario. I’m sick of everyone, everything and all that this place doesn’t offer. I’m sick of all the pain and suffering these people must endure. I’m sick of having to feel sorry for their mistakes that are really not their fault. And I’m continuously tired of having to deal with my hardships as a "nobody". Tonight it all ends, and with that I will endure as well as everyone else. For the good or bad, it doesn’t matter. When it all comes down to it…all things become transparent.
Inhale, and exhale. The time is now and even though I know what is to come, I’m not ready. Ready for what: anything that is everything. I carry out my final farewells and with that I move without recognition to the things around me. As I said, I’m tired of everything, and tonight is the night to make a change. To forever embrace my true self and to forever forgive myself for being so weak in the past.
But as I move, I am struck with a sudden rush of remnants, which I have so long wanted to forget. Memories that are forever etched in stone but broken due to the vandalism cast upon me. So I sit back down and instead reminisce on what seemed like yesterday. Reminisce on forgotten beginnings, forgotten friends, family, and a place so lost that I could only visit in my idle thoughts. Thus begins my beginning… thus begins my forgotten prelude…