Stop the Violence, Meet Stacey

Meet Stacey Renet ~

Now~ this is a little difficult for me and I know once I tell her story it will make some of you uncomfortable to talk with me..... Please don't let that happen : ) I love her very much and enjoy talking about her...... But today I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks again, Not just for Stac~ but for all the parents of children out there whose lives have been touched by violence.....

At the very young, innocent age of 12 Stacey was kidnapped, raped and murdered......The monster that did this is in prison ... but that is of little comfort.... Today, again, the lives of children were changed forever in a little town in Georgia.....

"GUNS" they scream "take away the guns"..... and yet it wasn't a gun that killed was a monster! A monster wielding a screwdriver..... he stabbed her with it repeatedly and then drug her into the woods, covered her with dead leaves and left her to die...... She died alone in those woods when her lungs filled with her blood and she suffocated.

Because the murder weapon was a screwdriver I didn't go after the Stanley Company or file a law suit against Craftsman Tools....... No, I didn't because it is not the weapon, a gun, a knife, a rock, a is the violence the hate that leads to the violence that is the problem, that is the ultimate weapon.......

In the past few years since Stacey's death.....I have learned to face the violence head on, take every opportunity to talk to children and parents about violence....... I have worked with the National Center For Missing and Exploited Children, helped create an online group concentrating on missing children, and have actively monitored Internet chatrooms, and posting areas in an effort to help guide and protect children on line..... but it is not enough......

As I sit here, I shake my head realizing it may never be enough, may not happen soon enough.....may not even be the solution ... but there is a chance ... there is a hope that if we as parents, as a community and as a people join together to fight this...... to fight this overwhelming ugliness that has become a common sight in our homes, our streets, our schools we may make a difference...... We may save our children, we may prevent another senseless murder......

But all of this takes dialogue, takes communicating, takes opening our hearts....and sometimes closing our mouths long enough to listen....long enough to hear the quiet sometimes unspoken words of children....and then taking action..... and understanding that sometimes that action comes in the form of "no" in the form of discipline, in the form of shutting off the TV long enough to have a conversation, in the form of leaving your house long enough to go to school and actually see and learn about your children's peers ... in the form of leaving work a little early to attend a parent teachers meeting.... The important thing is...... Create an open line of communication, not just with your family or your children, but those around you, those that go to school with your children, those that you work with, and those that you entrust the lives of your child with every day........

And then take some action, reach out find what is comfortable for you to do and then please, please do something that helps all of the children.......

Hillary R. Clinton wrote a book that said it takes a village to raise a child....... Well, I agree, but I also agree that it takes a village to raise the village idiot! To raise the child that settles his angst with guns, to raise the parent that allows the child unsupervised access to the Internet..... It takes the village to close their eyes to the little signs, to ignore the warnings, and then stand back with shock on their faces thinking how could this happen here? how could this happen to me....

I don't profess to have all the answers, but it did happen to me ... and I grieved, and I hated, and I reasoned and I tried as hard as I could to forgive and to go on ... but every time I hear of one more child I grieve a little more, I ache for what I have lost and for what will never be...... I grieve for the familles that will be forced to face decisions they should never have to face, I grieve for the mothers that will never find the comfort of putting her arms around her child.......... I grieve for the family, for the community, for a nation, for a people that face everyday the violence and destruction of hate and anger....

Tonight, as we all listen one more time to the stories of children killing children, as we see the pain and fear in the faces of the children, of the parents, of the survivors...It is my hope that you are able to reach out, to hug your child a little tighter, and then remember.... if it happened to me, if it happened in Littleton, in Springfield, in Jonesboro, in Paducah, in Conyers..... it can happen to you ... it can be your neighbors child, it can be your community......I pray everyday that it is not one more town, one more child......But to prevent it we have to walk together, face this monster together.....and defeat it together......


To email Dorothy you may reach her at:

To you Dorothy,

I say to you my friend you carry strength and concern so powerful that all people should follow your beliefs and thoughts.

With Love, Care and sincere honesty such as you have shown we can all reach out and save a child before it is too late.

Telling Staceys story has to be terribly hard on you, yet you do it to reach others.

Moms I urge you to share in Stacey's rememberence by Making A Difference in the lives of our children.  Not only our children.....but all children, every where!

I recently ran the following article within my Beary Special Kids newsletter:


Today I am addressing an issue that breaks my heart.......Violence in Our Schools.

I truly believe the key is for us as parents to stop everything and listen to our children.

Today I believe the time has come to truly talk with our teens.

Let them speak freely.

Listen to them, get to know a person.

It is everyone's responsibility to reach out and help.

We must step up to plate now, before more violence occurs.

I realize that communicating with your teen can sometimes be difficult, to say the least!

It's a time for teenagers to begin breaking away from the constant monitoring of a parent and begin to spread their wings in flight to the adult world. This flight is arduous for parent and child, affecting the previously stable communication. Teens begin feeling smothered by old rules. Parents begin experiencing conflict, such as sarcasm, short answers and being ignored by their teen.

So, listening becomes a parent's number one priority in parent/teen communication. This then communicates to your teen that he/she is important. Your teen will feel respected and in turn, will listen to and respect you for being open and non-judgmental. Reflect back to your teen what you are hearing.

Listening With Your Heart

The most basic causes of frustration, confusion and unhappiness between parents and teenagers is due to ineffective or inappropriate listening skills. In situations in which parent and teenager had differences of opinion, what was said? Were there such statements as, "Why don't you let me finish what I am saying?" or "You just don't understand at all; you just don't care!" or "I don't care what you think!" And how often do you use these responses? "Because I told you so, that's why!" or "If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times...!"

Remarks such as these indicate that neither the parent nor the teenager is listening to the other. The need for listening appears so obvious that we generally take it for granted.

Parents have probably told themselves over and over, "I really ought to listen more..." But do they? Until they recognize that there is real value in listening; that their teens are inviting them to share in the frustrations and joys of their life, they will continue to listen (or not listen) the way they always have.

Here are some ideas for the parent and teenager to help them become more effective listeners:

Pay attention!

Look at the person talking to you.

Do not interrupt.

Do not form immediate judgments about the "rightness" or "wrongness" of what the other person is saying.

Put yourself in your teenager's shoes. "The ear that accepts is better first than the tongue that suggests."

Listen for what is not said.

Ask the other person to clarify or be more specific.

What a person hesitates to say is often the most critical part.

What is the tone of voice saying? What need is not being met but being expressed in nonverbal ways?

Keep your own emotions (anger, hurt, enthusiasm) from interfering with your listening efficiency.

If you get "hot under the collar," it will almost always cause you to distort what the other person is saying.

Final point: effective communication takes time and patience. It takes regularly scheduled time so you can share your wants, needs, thoughts, concerns in a physically and psychologically "safe" environment.

Probably the most difficult task is adjusting to the unpredictability of teenage moods and behavior. Parents must "play it by ear" as they find themselves dealing with a child one minute and a responsible adult the next. Both they and their teen experience this "yo-yo" effect. They must maintain a balance of flexibility with enough control to help adolescents regulate their inner impulses.

Links to Stop Violence within our schools and teens:

Teens Against Gang Violence

KNJ Foundation: Stop School Violence

Peace It Together - Parents/Teachers

Preventing Juvenile Gun Violence in Schools

Remember TEENS need our honesty. What you don't offer them for education they will seek elsewhere. Here is a site for TEENS. I advice you review it first, so you are prepared if your TEEN has questions.

"The Teen Connection"

Back to Woman's World Main

Pledge to join Woman's World in Women United in Peace!

God Bless You Dorothy and your Family.

We will keep Stacey alive in our hearts and remember her life while we reach to help other children before another tragedy occurs.