Disclaimer

Paramount own the holodeck, I just run my own programs from time to time. 

ALL I WANT…

By Luned

Kathryn was so tired that night…somehow more tired than usual, deep down in the bone tired, deeply weary as she hadn't been for months, and desperate to just curl up and sleep. So it was with an effort that she made herself keep the 'date' on the holodeck. It had been Chakotay's idea, and he'd sprung it on her in the morning, when she was feeling rough and not taking much notice of what he was saying.

"We haven't been able to spend much time together lately," he'd noted that morning, returning from his duty shift as she was about to start hers. She was staring at her cup of peppermint tea, trying to persuade herself that she didn't really need it, she just wanted a hot drink.

"Hmmm?" she replied absently. She couldn't believe that of all things, it was peppermint tea. Coffee she could have understood, chocolate, maybe even oranges. B'Elanna was practically living off oranges. But peppermint tea??

Her train of thought was abruptly derailed as he grasped her hands in his. "I said, we haven't spent much time together lately!"

"No, I know. Just been busy, I guess." She gave him a warm smile, trying to concentrate on something other than the cup of tea.

"So, d'you fancy a date tonight?" He grinned at her.

"A date?" Now he did have her attention. "Where?"

"Holodeck, 21:00 hours. My treat."

She shrugged. "OK. As long as B'Elanna gets that overhaul of the plasma manifolds done without any problems."

"I don't think you need to worry about that. The only problem is whether she lets anyone near her to help. Her temper…"

"Yeah…" she murmured, giving in and taking a mouthful of tea.

"Kathryn, can I ask you something?" he said, eyes narrowed.

"Of course. What is it?"

"Why peppermint tea all of a sudden? Since when did you stop drinking coffee?"

"Ah. Um." She put her cup down, steeling herself for the moment. But somehow she couldn't…"I just fancied a change."

"Really," he replied sceptically. But he left it at that, kissing her as she stood up to go to the bridge.

She smiled at him. "Go sleep, Commander. You've just spent twelve hours on duty."

"Aye Captain," he said with a smile, stroking a finger down her cheek. And she'd carried that smile with her through the long day.

Now at a little after 21:00 hours, she was standing outside the holodeck wishing she could just go to bed. But she knew she had to at least see what he'd come up with for their 'date'.

The doors opened and she walked in, to find herself in a small room. There was a low table with a teapot and cups set out ready, and what looked like a box of chocolates. A warm fire was kindled on the hearth, and a huge blue armchair covered in cushions. There was nothing else in the room, just a small window. She glanced out, to see rain falling hard against the windowpane and a vista of grey wet roofs and distant dim lights.

The doors opened again and she turned to see Chakotay walking in. "What's this?" she asked curiously.

"Don't you recognise it? It's that song, the one you sang on Talent Night. 'All I want is a room somewhere…'…well this is the room, there's an enormous chair and lots of chocolate and a roaring fire." He grinned at her. "You said that's all you want."

She thought back to Talent Night, a few weeks before, in which she'd finally given in and taken another turn. Neelix had set up a musical evening, and she'd sung an old song, something which suited the somewhat restricted range of her voice. It had gone down very well with the crew, but she hadn't realised he'd paid so much attention.

She couldn't help it, she bit her lip against the smile but it still rose to her lips. "You are incorrigible."

"When you sang that song, you sounded almost wistful. I just wanted to give you something you wanted."

"You already have…in so many ways." She hugged him and he pulled her towards the chair, pushing her gently down into it. "There…relax."

She stretched, then sprawled languidly over the chair. "I might just do that, Commander," she drawled. "But it seems to me that there was something in that song about someone's head resting on my knee?"

He smiled. "Well, I'm quite willing to rest my head on your knee, unless you want me to go see if I can find anyone else who'll do it?"

She scowled at him. "You or nobody."

He sat down on the floor next to the chair, and laid his head in her lap. She stroked his hair gently, and he sighed. "This is nice."

"Yeah, it is. Shame we don't get the chance to do this sort of thing more often. I feel like I haven't seen you for weeks."

"Well, it's not quite that long but I know what you mean. I think we last had breakfast together…five days ago?" He caught one of her hands in his and carried it to his lips. "Busy lives."

"That's an understatement. Speaking of which, how long do we have the holodeck for?"

"Three hours. I saved up some of my time."

"Thank you," she whispered. They sat in silence for a while. Then he sat up, a serious expression in his dark eyes.

"We never had that talk, you know."

"Which talk in particular?" she murmured.

"The one where I was going to tell you all the things I told you in that last message. Remember? You said you wanted to hear me say it."

"I'd almost forgotten. Sorry."

"That's alright. You've been working too hard lately. And don't think I haven't noticed how tired you are, and how little you're eating. You should ease off a bit, Kathryn. You're not going to be any good to the crew if you work yourself into exhaustion."

She gave a rueful smile. "It isn't that simple, Chakotay. I've been taking as much rest as I can, but…"

"I know…the Captain is always on duty." He shrugged. "Just look after yourself." He paused, then said quietly "Do you want to hear all the things you are to me? Now, here, like this?"

She sat in silence, thinking about it. "No," she said eventually. "I think I know, now more than ever. We can just sit here and I can feel it. And you know you're all those things to me, too."

He laid his head back in her lap. "Some things don't need saying more than once."

She leaned back and closed her eyes. Then she began to sing, softly. "All I want is a room somewhere…"

He listened to the song in silence. He was so still she thought he might have fallen asleep, but after a while she felt the curve of a smile against her thigh. He looked up and said gently "But all I want is you."

Tears sprang to her eyes. She smiled through them and said "That could be a problem."

He narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

She looked at him and wondered how to tell him. She'd been rehearsing this moment for the past week, but now it had arrived she had no idea what words to use. In the end, she settled for the barest minimum. "I'm pregnant."

She watched the emotions flicker across his face, surprise being the most evident, then understanding. "So that's why you've stopped drinking coffee. I wondered if you were ill…" he shook his head. "I didn't imagine…"

"I know we never talked about it, " she said hurriedly. "But I forgot my shots one month and…"

He grabbed her hand again, holding it against his mouth. Then he looked up at her again, smiling a look of sunshine, and she relaxed, only then aware how tense she had become in the moment of confession. He gave her a searching look.

"How do you feel about it?"

She smiled. "Now that I've got this bit out of the way, I think I'm happy about it. I can see so many potential problems, so many difficulties…but I feel as if it'll be alright. Everyone on this ship is part of the family. We're just making an addition."

"When will the…" he grinned "…addition, arrive?"

"I'm about nine weeks along. I only just found out last week." She grimaced. "I was sick and went to sickbay for something to settle my stomach. Of course the Doctor insisted on checking me over. So…"

"So…" he was still grinning. "I get the feeling things are going to be interesting from now on. First B'Elanna, now you…" he stopped. "Does anyone else know?"

"No. Only the Doctor. I wasn't going to tell anyone else before you. And now you know." She shifted herself into a more comfortable position. "And that's why I've been drinking peppermint tea. I'm craving it all the time. I go crazy if I don't drink at least three cups an hour."

He chuckled softly, then sat up, moving his hands to her face and kissing her softly, almost reverently. "I love you." Then he moved down to kiss her stomach. "Both of you."

She caught her breath at the familiar rush of desire his touch sent through her. "How long did you say you had this holodeck for?"

"Well, about another two-and-a-half hours, I guess. Why?" He looked up at her, recognised the look in her eyes and gave a slow, seductive smile. "Kathryn Janeway, what are you thinking?"

"Wicked thoughts, my love, wicked and definitely un-Starfleet thoughts."

He reached up for her, kissing her soundly. "Good," he whispered into her ear. "Those are the ones I like best."