Elvis Lives In My Basement!

Hi, My name is Angie and this is my very own (even though I'm sharing it with Leisha) homepage. By now you probably think that I am totally insane or have some kind of weird mental problem, but I'm sorry to say that there is nothing wrong with me except the fact that I tend to have a bit of a wild imagination. Back to the fact at hand, Elvis does in actuallity live in my basement, along with an invisible lesbian named Elizabeth, and my big brother Bob. Now Elvis never really did die, he just took a very long and much needed break from show business. As you probably well know towards the end of his career he began to gain a large amount of weight, this embarrassed him greatly and was a major contributing factor to his decision to give up the profession that he loved. Elvis promised all of his very close friends, including a very young one year old me, that he would be back. Well, he re-entered my life a little sooner than every one else's... Two years ago I went to answer the front door of my rural Barnhartvale, Kamloops, BC. home and to my surprise a five hundred pound, excessively dirty, drunk old man was lying at my feet. Upon closer examination I noticed just a hint of bushy black sideburns hidden among the rolls of fat that were his jowls. After I realized that this was my much missed friend THE Elvis Presley I quickly (well it actually took me two hours) dragged him down to our seldom used basement so that my parents would not be angry. The next morning I went to check on him and he was begining to come out of his drunken stupor. When he became fully conscious he proceeded to tell me what he had been going through for the past 17 years; at first his disappearence had been great for him and then without his public he became increasingly depressed and resorted to beer and vanilla ice cream floats these added ten pounds to his already generous frame every month, then then the addition became more serious and he NEEDED those floats everyday this was the begining of a REAL problem! Elvis then turned to a very corrupt world, that of... stripping, this was the low point, stripping is a somewhat dirty profession but whenthe preformer is starting to look like the gluttony guy in "Seven" (not the Brad Pitt guy) with sideburns it's just kinda gross! This is when he realized that he did have a problem, and needed help. Knowing that I was the one who could best keep a secret he turned to me. This is when aerobics came into the picture, first it was purely innocent just a way for him to get into shape, Then he really started to like Richard Simmons, which was really very scary at first then I realized it was the videos not the man (?man?). This turned into an obsession for Elvis, and he decided that instead of making his big comeback in the music business he would turn to fitness, this is basically the end of the story as of yet but if he reaches a deal to make a video I'll make it known to all of you. And I'm betting that you are waiting with baited breath for the description of Elizabeth, she, as you already know, is an invisible lesbian. Confused yet? Well Elizabeth originated through my friend Natalie's younger brother Clay, she was his imaginary friend who sat in the back seat of their car and liked to hit Natalie in the back of the head. Eventually Elizabeth fell in love with Natalie which is to be expected because she is so wonderful (ha ha ha) and moved from Clatons room to Natalie's closet. Eventually she found that Natalie did not share her same sexual preference. She was devastated! I felt sorry for her and like Elvis took her in. upon her arrival I discovered that she only wears stiletto high heels (the kind I wear when I'm on duty...my business...service?) and a skirt, this doesn't really matter because she's invisable but that's Elizabeth. There isn't really much more to say about Elizabeth and Bob is really not too interesting because he's actually normal except for the fact that he is the illegitimate child of my father and my friend Shannon's mother, which is strange because Shan's mom can't have any more babies... Oh, and Bob likes Doritoes... If anyone has a business proposition for Elvis, or any kind of proposition for Elizabeth write to me!