The genesis of any type of violence begins in the "mind". The "mind" is where all thoughts are created and generated. Violence is to take sorrow from others or to give sorrow to others. Suicide is a self-inflicted premeditated demise of one’s life when the soul has lost the power to face situations, either for loss of name, blame, shame, sickness or indebtedness to society.
Domestic violence is one aspect of environmental violence. Environmental violence includes the dehumanization of mankind and the degradation of the environment. Dehumanization of mankind is when the reasoning ability of the soul is at its lowest level and man’s actions and behavior are most despicable resulting in the most violent crimes, even to his loved ones. Degradation of the environment results when man’s "need turns into greed". Today, it is common practice to see a tree cut down for its fruit or the forest is set ablaze for the sake of clearing a single plot of land.
Subtle and Physical Violence
There are two types of domestic violence. The first type is non-physical or subtle which is psychological battering of each other through vicious thoughts, hurtful words or unkind body language. Violence through thoughts is when there are negative feelings and ill wishes for others such as hate, envy and jealousy. Here both feel the effects, but the generator of these feelings receives the worst. This is because "hate is like an acid, it does more damage to the vessel in which it is stored that the object on which it is poured". When these negative feelings cannot be contained, they are translated in vicious words filled with anger.
Physical Violence. The second type of violence is but the consequence of subtle violence and this often manifests itself into physical abuse. Physical abuse therefore is the product of subtle violence in thoughts. Whatever the form of violence, the root cause stems from getting angry, or from expectations when some desire is not fulfilled, or from hurting someone’s pride which is generally a by-product of arrogance that we call ego, or from unrequited love, or from being possessive as a result of attachment. These macabre and heinous violent acts manifested today are the product of a society that sidelined spirituality for promiscuity and have redefined the true meaning of morality.
Causes and Victims of Violence. The root cause of physical domestic violence begins with vicious negative thoughts nurtured in the mind. The cause of violence therefore begins in the "minds of men" and end up with "mankind" as the victim in the form of a depraved society. The source of violence, therefore is a non-physical one and so the solution must also be a non-physical one.
Therefore, the most likely solution is the "management of the mind", spirituality complemented with the required "psychiatric care and treatment" for the multiplicity of psychosomatic disorders that have manifested in all levels of society.
Maybe the time has come to revisit the importance of "psychiatric medicine" and give to it the autonomy it deserves accompanied with resources and facilities. Who knows, the Faculty of Psychiatry may well fall under the category of spiritual institutions, as the "psyche" of "psychiatry" and the "conduct of the world" is fully understood.
Management of Thoughts. How do we manage this? Firstly, start by examining the consequence of our thoughts, words and actions. Words and actions begin with thoughts, therefore it is necessary to inspect the consequence of each thought. Thoughts are created and influenced by the five senses and the vices, by our relationships and by our connections. We must therefore, exercise choice in the friends or with people we have relationships and connections. Sometimes relationships are through work, travel or business. Therefore, it is necessary to manage these relationships.
Symptoms of Physical Violence. It is now apparent that most of the domestic violence is in the family units, common-law arrangements or unrequited love and soured business relationships. The relationships turn sour mainly because of infidelity, flirting, jealousy, greed, or some sort of "selfish motivation" by one or another party. Whatever is the cause, it leads initially to anger and arrogance. When anger is nurtured, the reasoning power of mind and intellect becomes dormant or comatose, rendering the conscience dead. It is at this point that anger turns in raging jealousy, hate or an unrepentant ego, causing the most heinous crimes to be committed, even to our most loved ones. When the act is being committed, the perpetrator induces a dual personality and cannot discern the consequence of the act.
Suicide: Suicide is the act of one whose "psyche" is confused and has lost the ability to discriminate between right and wrong, or lacks the strength to judge by not having clarity of thought, or is empty of tolerance and hence becomes devoid of the power to face situations.
The circumstances of suicidal cases are wide-ranging depending on the social, economic or spiritual environment. However, the most common reason is possibly that suicidal victims cannot face the resulting blame or shame; or in the case of terminally related diseases, they can no longer bear the pain endured or the guilt of being dependent, helpless and a burden to loved ones or society.
Whatever the reason, they envisaged that by a suicidal conclusion, they would terminate the agony and close the chapter. The major shortcoming however, may well be the absence or refusal of timely spiritual and psychiatric help.
Method for Spiritual Solutions. The spiritual solution to minimize domestic violence is to take "control of the mind", the moment anger is sensed in a forced or spontaneous potential altercation. The method to quickly adopt is to become silent and quietly retreat managing a smile if it is possible. Use that time in silent prayer, deep introspection and continuous remembrance of God. This is but the spiritual power of the soul to "withdraw" that the wise see as "strength", but the egoists perceive as a "weakness".
When that moment of anger is controlled and you are in a better frame of mind, then examine yourself critically and honestly and see if you were partly or fully responsible for the situation. If yes, then reconciliation can start by invoking the power of humility, the strength to say sorry and the wisdom to seek forgiveness, thus genuinely making an effort to correct the situation.
If however you have a clear conscience and the problem lies with others, then summon true love in your heart and exercise mercy, compassion and forgiveness. You have to remember that without true love, one cannot show mercy and compassion. You can then re-assess the situation for a more permanent solution.
In many of the situations that lead to domestic violence, it is very difficult to break off bad habits especially when the cause is one of unfaithfulness or substance abuse. Therefore, some form of spiritual or psychiatric counseling and guidance is essential. That guidance should come from those who are experienced to handle such situations.
If possible, try to confide or seek help from authorized or authentic professionals or institutions. Very often, your situation is shared with close friends who care, but cannot control their emotions and your secret becomes common knowledge to the glee of others causing more harm.
There are no easy solutions and sometimes it may mean walking away, sometimes exercising unshakable tolerance until such time you are in a position to do better, but whatever you do, do it with great tact and humility. Do not try and test the other party ego and arrogance. The important thing to remember, there is always a solution.
For a more structured and long-term solution, the return of "Moral Values Education" now appears inevitable.
The writer, BK Khem Jokhoo is an engineer by profession.
He has had some teaching experience early in his career. In the last 10
years, he has done extensive studies in moral values and spirituality.
He is the author of "Festival, Values and Commentaries of the World’s Oldest
Religion" and has published many papers some dealing with moral values
education. He is a student and teacher of Yoga and Meditation. He also
teaches Positive Thinking, Stress Free Living and Self-Management Leadership.