The First Time
By Olivia Monteith

Garak was unsure as to how this turn of events had happened. He was also unsure of his feelings on the matter.

As he stood being held against the bulkhead, wrapped in long arms and being kissed senseless, he found himself in completely strange territory. It was pleasant to be kissed, and the doctor's hands were so warm where they touched him. It was terrifying in the same aspect. He had never felt so vulnerable before. It was one of the most terrifying and exhilarating moments in his life, which is saying a lot considering his previous employer.

One of the doctor's hands slid down his back to his ass, and squeezed, and Garak was mortified to hear himself actually yelp as his body jerked in surprise.

"I'm sorry," Julian said softly, as he pulled back to look into Garak's face; his eyes hooded with arousal. "Did I do something wrong? Is that… is that a sensitive area?" he asked as he lowered his mouth once more to Garak's throat and lightly nipped.

The tailor's blood raced, his arousal intensified, and his panic grew, even as he tried to sound calm and reassure the doctor that he was fine. "No, it.. it uhm… you simply startled me."

"Mmmm," was the doctor's only response as his lips wandered further down the center of Garak's throat.

Garak closed his eyes and pressed his head back against the wall, trying to control his rising panic as he felt the doctor's slender fingers unfastening his collar. He noticed in a distant sort of way that he was trembling all over, and wasn't sure if it was due to nerves or excitement. The room felt as if it began to spin when Julian found his central torso ridge leading to his clavicle spoon, and ran first his fingers, then his lips over it, and he gripped the younger man's shoulders as if Julian could hold him steady.

By now, his tunic was hanging open, and he felt uncomfortably exposed as the chill hit his skin. The shivering from before had grown to violent, spasmodic shaking that seemed to ebb and flow with the same rhythm of his ragged breathing. As Julian's hands stroked softly over Garak's chest and stomach, he tried to calm his breathing in the hope of fending off the nearly overwhelming apprehension and tried to simply enjoy the touches. His concentration was shattered when the doctor slipped his fingers inside the waistband of Garak's trousers, but before the tailor had time to say or do anything, it seemed pointless. The fastener was already opened and the trousers were being eased down his hips. Garak found himself feeling very relieved and oddly grateful when the doctor leaned against him, pressing their bodies together. He didn't feel quite so- unprotected and open. He didn't care for having his armor taken away, which at some point, was what he had come to think of his clothes as. His occupation as a tailor protected him, and he somehow felt that the layers of fabric that he wore protected him as well. He was very uneasy without them to hide behind, but with Julian covering him, it was made easier. Hoping to encourage the young man to stay there, Garak wrapped his arms around his friend's waist and held him tighter than he intended to.

He suddenly gasped in surprise when he felt Julian's warm hand on his cock, stroking him slowly.

"All right?" Julian whispered enquiringly.

"Y-yes," Garak said, nodding a bit stiffly.

"You seem a bit nervous. It's been a while? Or have you never been with a human before?"

"Both," Garak said, trying not to burst out into hysterical laughter from his overtaxed nerves. As always, his gift for obfuscation stood him in good stead though it was really more of a lie of omission than his skill.

The doctor smiled warmly at him and said in a breathy whisper, "Try to relax. If it's any comfort to you, I haven't been with another man in quite some time, and I have never been with a Cardassian." Then that very active mouth went back to sucking, nipping and lapping at Garak's neck, shoulders and chest, while his hand never once stopped caressing the tailor's shaft.

At some point, Garak realized that Julian was moving further and further down his chest, kissing his stomach as he eased himself down to his knees in front of Garak.

"What…?" Garak began reaching toward the young man, wanting to pull him back to his feet.

"Shhhh… Let me," was Julian's only reply as he looked earnestly up into Garak's face a moment before he dipped his head forward and began kissing and licking at the head of Garak's cock.

Anything else Garak might have said flew from his brain in a strangled, inarticulate cry that sounded more like a short circuiting comm unit than the tailor's usual smooth, mellow tones. His head fell back against the bulkhead with a small thump, and his mouth hung open. He was breathing heavily, his voice catching in small moans and whimpers as his fingers tangled in the doctor's curling hair as Julian's mouth slipped down completely over Garak's shaft. As much as Garak had enjoyed his debates and conversations with Julian over the years, he was desperately glad at this moment that talking was not the only thing Julian did well with his mouth.

The blissful rush of endorphins from his implant had felt weak compared to this! Garak felt like he was floating. The delicious sensations in his groin seemed to burn through his every nerve ending. He soon found himself timidly rocking his hips and moaning almost constantly. When his senses seemed to suddenly go into overdrive, and a sudden pressure seemed to build very low in his stomach, his voice rose to a sharp wail as his climax broke over him. His knees buckled and he slid down the wall to fall rather gracelessly on his backside, panting loudly like a winded hound.

When he opened his eyes again, he almost expected to find the doctor laughing at him. Instead, Julian was sitting before him, watching with a heated and predatory gleam in his eyes that made shiver again.

Garak held up a finger in a gesture that said, `just a moment' while he tried to catch his breath.

"Of course. Take all the time you need," Julian replied in a low voice. Then the doctor leaned forward and began to remove Garak's shoes and finish taking off his trousers.

Garak took his cue from Julian and first shrugged out of his tunic, then reached out to find the seal of the doctor's uniform and open it down the front.

Before he could push the black fabric off of Julian's shoulders, though, Julian suggested, "Let's move to the bed. The floor is so uncomfortable."

Garak nodded dumbly and followed Julian through the doorway to the bedroom like a devoted puppy. He barely even felt any discomfort at his naked state for the moment because not only was the doctor's back to him, but Julian was removing his own clothes as he walked.

Just inside the door, Garak stopped and watched as the young human stood beside the bed and casually finished removing his own clothes and shoes. Garak simply waited to be given instructions. Julian sat down and gestured for Garak to join him.

Seemingly without his consent, his feet started slowly carrying him to sit next to the doctor. He still hadn't spoken when Julian leaned in and began lightly kissing his face and wrapped his arms around him.

"Is it really because you have never been with a human before, or is there something more?" Julian asked encouragingly while he moved once more to Garak's neck ridges, this time paying more attention to the back of the tailor's neck.

Garak was finding it very difficult to speak, and was embarrassed that he stammered.

"I.. Well, there is more to it than just that," he began as he stiffly, and gradually allowed Julian to pull him to lie down beside him. After a few moments during which the doctor kept himself very busy exploring Garak's body and Garak concentrated on not bolting for the door, Julian said between kisses, "Go ahead… I'm listening.."

When Garak hadn't answered after a few more moments, Julian rolled them both so that Garak lay on his back with Julian sprawled over him, smiling softly at him. "I'm waiting."

Garak was still looking up at Julian like a scared little animal, but he finally managed to override the short circuit between his brain and his mouth.

He slowly closed his eyes, took a deep calming voice, and was comforted to feel Julian stroking his hair by his temple softly.

"It's true, I have never been intimate with a human. Or a man, for that matter."

"Surely you're joking. Is this another of your wild tales?" the doctor asked teasingly.

Garak's only reply was to open his eyes and gaze seriously back at his companion. After a few seconds, Julian's smile faded and was replaced by a look of surprise.

"Oh," he said softly. Then a bit louder as he began to push himself up and further away from Garak with his arms. "Oh! My god, Garak, why didn't you say something sooner?"

Garak's nervous state was now giving way to embarrassment, frustration and irritability. "Oh, come now, Doctor! It would have been like something from a bad romance novel is I had shrinkingly said, `Please, do be gentle with me! I'm a virgin,' now wouldn't it?" he snapped.

"But…You…" Julian sputtered exasperatedly. "Wait a minute. A virgin? A virgin as in never been with a man, or a virgin as in… well never?"

Garak's irritability and boldness was suddenly gone as quickly as it had come over him. He looked away from the doctor and said nothing, but his body language seemed to say it all.

"Oh, My. GOD!!" Julian moaned as he slapped his hands over his face and flopped back against the pillows. He lay still a second and let his arms flop down to lay beside him as he gazed blankly up at the ceiling. Then he quickly rolled up to stand on the other side of the bed and threw his hands up.

"Leave it to you to be a virgin!" he snapped as he spun around to look at Garak. He immediately felt like a first class shit for it, too. It was obvious that poor Garak was very, very uncomfortable and embarrassed. He was looking anywhere but at Julian, and his hand twisted at the edge of the sheet as if he desperately wanted to wrap it around himself to hide. His face and neck were almost black in a Cardassian blush, and Julian had never imagined ever seeing the tailor look so vulnerable before. Nor did he ever imagine that he would suddenly feel a rush of unexplainable exhilaration, either. He was even a bit embarrassed by his cliché machismo. Mostly, though, his heart felt as if it was melting and like he should ball up and crawl under the bed in shame.

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I think I should go," Garak finally said and started to do just that. Julian quickly knelt on one knee on the bed and reach out to grip Garak's arm before the tailor could leave.

"No! No, I'm sorry. I was being an ass, I just wasn't expecting that. There's nothing wrong with it, really. Here," he said, pulling back the sheet corner and patting the bed. "Sit down, we'll talk. I need to talk about this. And probably you do too."

Garak seemed to consider the spot on the bed where the doctor had indicated for a few moments before finally sinking back down to the mattress. He was relieved beyond belief that Julian pulled his legs up onto the bed and covered him with the sheet, as if the young man knew how awkward he felt without his clothes. Then the doctor settled himself under the sheets close beside Garak and put his arm across Garak's wide shoulders.

"Now, tell me, why?"

"Why, what?"

"Well, why you have waited so long. Why have you never… Uh… well never," Julian said gesturing vaguely with his free hand.

"Is that really important, Doctor?" Garak asked.

"Of course it is! Is it because of some cultural or religious reason? Health? Professional? Is there anything I should be concerned about, such as taboos, discomfort, rituals, or.. whatever?"

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"Well, then, why?"

"Because… I never met anyone I could be with before now."

"I don't understand. I mean, I feel special and all of that, but, do you mean `Never met anyone you could be with' because of incompatible personalities, or physically repulsive…?"

"Doctor, I have never been one to trust easily. I could never put myself in someone else' hands, and give them control of me, of my body."

"Now who's being ridiculous? It's not supposed to be a matter of control. Trust yes, and I am deeply flattered, but not control."

"It astounds me at times how incapable you humans are of believing that not every culture is like your own on any given level," Garak replied, but his voice was not angry and sarcastic, more quiet and reflective. It took a few moments for the implications of this to sink into Julian's mind.

Finally he said stupidly, "You mean, with your people it is a matter of control and conquest?"

"Yes it is, Doctor. Is that so hard to believe? I never realized that you were so oblivious to Cardassian nature. The fact that we have conquered and held countless planets might have made a lesser man suspicious," Garak responded, but allowing the snappish, sarcastic tones creep in and give his voice a harder edge.

Julian sat quietly a few moments before whispering, "I'm sorry. For being so stupid."

"No, Doctor. I imagine to your people, the idea of a man my age never engaging in sexual activity with another person is very strange."

Rather than answer Garak, Julian asked, "May I ask… Why me? Why are you willing to trust me?"

Garak's eyes closed again and his face darkened again. He took a deep breath, exhaled, and said simply, "Because, I am so alone. I have been so alone, for so long… and you are the only person on this station who... who has ever been interested in me. The only one who seemed, for whatever reason, to actually like me. We are very communal creatures, Doctor. Cardassians have a need for companionship, contact, and mostly, for acceptance. It makes us much more willing to yield to the State and to authority, as it were. And as I grow older, and spend more time away from my people, I feel a greater need for intimacy. A Cardassian's greatest fear is of living alone, and dying alone. I find myself drawn to you in a way I have never known before, strongly enough that I was able to overcome my fear of putting myself in another person's hands, but not any person's hands."

He paused a moment before continuing in a quieter, almost shameful voice, "I knew… I could trust you. You have had many opportunities to kill or harm me, but you have always helped me instead. It's not something I am accustomed to. At first, it was difficult to believe that you didn't have some underlying motive, but slowly I came to realize that you are simply not the kind of person I am accustomed to. When I lived on Cardassia, there were hundreds of people who wanted me dead for any number of reasons, my own father among them. When I was exiled here, it seemed everyone wanted me dead for no reason at all. So you see, trust is not easy for someone like me."

The entire time he had been talking, Garak had been staring blankly at his hand resting on his thigh. When the doctor's warmer, darker hand slid over it and the doctor wrapped his fingers around Garak's and squeezed, Garak finally lifted his face to find Julian gazing at him intently.

After a few seconds, Julian swallowed hard and then leaned forward again, drawing Garak closer, and kissed him for a long, lingering moment. When Julian finally pulled his lips away a few inches, his eyes were still closed, and he pressed his forehead against Garaks while his fingers twisted lightly in Garak's hair.

"Thank you," he whispered.


Julian felt at once humbled and honored. To think that anyone trusted him this much, well, that was flattering and exhilarating, but to think that Garak trusted him this much… Garak didn’t trust anyone at all, but he trusted Julian enough to allow him so much more intimacy than he had ever offered anyone else. It was almost frightening.

How does one handle so much responsibility? What should he do? He didn’t want to do anything wrong, or at least, anything else wrong. He had already handled this badly enough. He knew that it had been extremely difficult for Garak to be so open and honest about such a sensitive topic. About any topic for that matter. Garak couldn’t even be honest and forthright about whether he liked plomeek soup or not.

And despite Garak’s emotional vulnerability, he could kill Julian before the human could draw a breath to scream. He really didn’t want to mess up again or do any more damage to Garak’s fragile ego. He didn’t know how much more Garak could take before he decided his humiliation had reached it’s limit, and that Julian, as the witness to said humiliation, would have to die.

The doctor pulled Garak closer in his embrace and pressed his face against the tailor’s neck. He took a few moments to sooth Garak’s nerves as well as get a grip on himself so he wouldn’t have some sort of reaction that would be very difficult to explain, such as nervous laughter. It helped sober him a lot when Garak gradually relaxed, and seemed to be genuinely enjoying the closer contact. He thought about what Garak had said, about how Cardassians need approval, contact… affection.

Testing the waters, Julian pressed a kiss to the ridge beneath his lips as he stroked his hand slowly over Garak’s ribs. When his fingers passed over the hollow above Garak’s hip, Garak shivered and pressed his body closer to Julian.

His lips curled in a smile against the tailor’s skin, and he asked, "Do you like that?"

Garak’s arms went around Julian’s waist, and he pulled the thinner form tightly against him as he whispered hoarsely, "Yes."

Experimenting, Julian began to run his palms over Garak’s shoulders, arms, and back, soothingly, and he was surprised to realize that Garak had begun to actually cuddle with him. He had never dreamed of Garak being a… snuggler. The image just didn’t fit, but here he was, holding Garak, petting him, and Garak was nuzzling his face into Julian’s hair and neck as he seemed to be trying to press every inch of their bodies together.

‘Poor Garak,’ he thought. ‘All these years alone, he must be starving for affection.’ When Garak shivered again before rolling to his back and pulling Julian to lie on top of him, the suspicion was confirmed. Now that the air was cleared, the confession was out, and things were progressing at what seemed to be a more comfortable pace for Garak, Julian was stunned at finding yet another facet to Garak’s already complex personality. Who would have believed him if he told them that Elim Garak, the son of Enabran Tain, and once the most feared interrogator of the Obsidian Order was such a tender, affectionate and tactile lover? He seemed content to do nothing more that explore the alien human skin and allow himself to be touched in any way Julian wanted to. But Julian’s cock, still unsatisfied, and trapped between them, was not nearly so awed, patient, or content.

As Julian maneuvered, pulling himself further up on Garak’s body to kiss him, a gasping groan escaped him. He tried to bite it back, not wanting to make Garak feel pressured, but the tailor had heard it.

"I am sorry," Garak began sheepishly. "I… I had forgotten.."

"No, it’s alright. We’ll take as much time as you need," he said reassuringly, just as Garak shifted his hips again, causing Julian’s breath to catch in his throat.

"I believe I can try, uhm, what you did. That is, if that’s what you want," Garak offered, shifting their positions once more till Julian was lying on the bed and Garak was kneeling beside him.

"If you’re sure…" Julian replied, settling back into the pillows.

Garak didn’t speak aloud, but his eyes wandered slowly, rather self consciously, over the doctor’s prone form before finally coming to rest on his groin. The tailor’s hand went hesitantly up to sort of hover indecisively over Julian’s skin before finally coming to rest lightly on the younger man’s hip.

"Garak, you know, that might be a little more than you are ready for just yet. Here," he began as he reached to the table beside the bed and took a small bottle of lotion out of the drawer.

"We’ll start with something simple. You come and kneel here…" he began as he positioned Garak between his thighs. Then he settled back more comfortably in the bed. "Now, give me your hand."

Garak obeyed and watched curiously as the doctor poured a generous amount of the lotion into the tailor’s palm, closed the cap before setting it aside, and then rubbed their hands together so that the slick stuff coated them.

Still holding onto Garak’s hand, he tugged gently and whispered, "Come here." When Garak leaned forward, he kissed him while easing the older man’s hand down to his groin. He felt Garak tense momentarily, but after a few seconds of using his own hand to guide the tailor, he moaned softly and said reassuringly, "That’s right. That feels wonderful," Garak began to relax and seemed to feel more at ease.

Gradually, Julian began to arch his back and thrust his hips with the movement of their hands. He noticed a fine tremor in Garak’s hand, and that Garak was breathing heavily, with eyes dilated in lust.

"You like this do you?" Julian whispered hoarsely.

Garak blushed slightly blue and tried to look away, but seemed unable to tear his eyes off of Julian for long.

He jumped with a small start when Julian moved one of his own hands from his heated erection to wrap around Garak’s.

"Lie down," he commanded softly.

Garak looked surprised, as if he might protest, but the look in Julian’s eyes halted him. They traded positions, with Julian kneeling over Garak between his slightly parted thighs. He ran his smooth palms down the length of scale covered muscles before lifting them slightly at the knee and scooting closer so that Garak’s thighs barely rested over his own.

"Give me you hand again."

Julian poured yet more lotion into the tailor’s palm before rubbing it between their hands to warm it and coat both.

"Touch yourself."

Garak’s eye widened in shock, and his skin turned a darker shade, indicating his embarrassment, but when Julian showed no sign of changing his mind or backing down, the tailor closed his eyes and did as he was told.

"Ah-ah! Open you eyes. I want you to look at me."

Garak opened his eyes and focused on his companion with some difficulty and swallowed hard when he realized his cock was rock hard in his hand and his heart pounding so he was sure Julian could hear it.

"There, now that’s not so bad, is it?" Julian asked with a small smile. "I’m not that difficult to look at am I?" he nearly growled.

"N…" Garak started to squeak, then cleared his throat and tried again. "No, not at all!"

Julian seemed pleased, and much to Garak’s delight, he began running his slick hands massagingly over the older man's thighs, hips, abdomen and buttocks. He clucked his tongue theatrically and said softly, "Really, Garak. You need to relax! All this tension isn’t doing you any good. Let me help you.

At that moment he ran his hands in an upward movement on Garak’s thighs and dug the balls of his thumbs into twin spots at the joint of his hip and pelvis.

He held them there for only a moment, but to Garak, it seemed to last for an eternity. A jolt of energy coursed through him, causing him to thrust his hips forward forcefully while throwing his head back and lose his breath. His hand on his cock tightened so that the head protruding from his fist was a strangled looking purple before his entire body simply fell bonelessly on the mattress with his eyes rolling lazily back into focus.

Julian smiled lazily at him and said in an almost menacing tone, "That felt good, didn’t it?"

Panting, Garak managed to whimper, "Yes."

Julian smiled in a lascivious way that made Garak dizzy with the spinning of the tables turning. He did not expect this.

"Stroke yourself. Ah! Slowly, now. No faster than I say. That’s good…" the doctor was saying in a somehow soothing and yet commanding tone. Probably something they taught at Starfleet Medical; Commanding Complete Obedience Without Causing Fear 101 or something like that.

As he spoke, his hands roved over Garak’s abdomen again with gradually more pressure, joining in the center, slowly trailing down the central ridge to the pubic bone, judging the moment before pressing down with the heels of his hands just at Garak’s groin.

The tailor cried out, his hand on his cock stopped stroking as his hips bucked erratically up to meet the pressure. His other hand wrapped tightly in the sheets beneath him, dragging his nails over the delicate threads.

Julian relaxed the pressure and greedily watched a bead of sweat trickle over Garak’s temple while the tailor tried once more to catch his breath.

He was pleased when Garak began stroking himself once more almost automatically as soon as he resumed trailing his hands over the tailor’s skin.

"All right?" he whispered huskily to Garak.

The best Garak could manage was a nod. It was enough.

‘Oh, I never knew how much I would like this!’ Julian thought to himself, while simultaneously calculating how long he could keep it going.


As Garak gasped and tried desperately to catch his breath, a part of his mind thought admiringly, ‘The bastard really is enjoying this!’ Any further attempt at thought would be futile as Julian’s hands slid down to cup Garak’s ass, and suddenly, the doctor was applying measured pressure to an innocuous spot behind Garak’s testicles, causing the tailor to buck and scream once more, and spots to form before his eyes. The sensation was so intense that he almost didn’t notice the doctor cautiously slipping a finger inside of him. It was something of a relief, actually. Garak had been dreading this, but he was finding that so far there was no reason for that dread.

As Julian slowly eased his finger in circular motions, he distracted Garak with his other hand, and by speaking to him in low sensual tones.

"That’s right, Garak. Slowly, so I can watch." He reached up and flicked Garak’s nipple with his finger nail causing the tailor to shudder.

"Do you like that? No one has ever touched you like this before?"

"No," Garak replied in a strained whisper.

"I find that very hard to believe. Are you sure?"

"Quite… AH!… Quite sure."

"Such a waste. You are really something to see like this, you know. Oh! Like that. I really enjoyed seeing that."

To prove his point, the doctor repeated the action, pinching the sensitive ridges above the hips, several more times till Garak pleaded, nearly in tears, for him to stop.

Julian became concerned for a moment, and brushed the fingers of his free hand soothingly over the sensitive spot and asked, "I didn’t hurt you, did I?"

Garak swallowed hard between panting breaths and assured him, "No, it was just very.. Intense."

Julian smiled, then lowered his mouth to the central torso ridge, dragging his lips and teeth as far down it as he could, causing Garak to hiss and arch his chest up to meet him.

Finally, Garak was unknown to himself, twisting, sweating, growling and moaning before Julian, still clutching his cock and forcing himself to move only as fast as the doctor allowed. He felt a freedom like he had never known, curiously enough. He had always held such a tight restraint on himself, maintain a forced calm because anything else was unacceptable. But this was completely different. The more uncontrolled he became, the more pleased Julian was. Garak had gradually given over his control to another, and while it was frightening, it was also completely exhilarating in a way he had never dreamed possible.

Just when he was sure that it couldn’t possibly get any better, he was taken completely by surprise when Julian suddenly lifted his hips and pressed his erection into Garak’s body.

The last vestige of Garak’s prized self control was now completely stripped away. He bellowed as his climax exploded over him. His body went into sensory overload, twitching in spasms, and he had no control over his limbs. He realized dimly that he was pushing his hips up to meet Julian as his hands gripped the young man’s shoulders, his nails leaving angry red lines across the tanned, smooth flesh. He felt Julian’s cock pulsing as he too reached his climax, even as it sank more deeply into Garak.

As Julian reached down to massage Garak’s spurting cock, finally, the tailor reached his limit. His head thrashed about convulsively on the pillow just before darkness crowded his vision and everything went black.


The next morning, Garak awoke with Julian’s arm and leg sprawled over him, and the desperate need to go to the restroom. As he tried to ease out of the bed without disturbing the doctor, he realized he was very sore, but not in the area he expected to be. His muscles in his back, stomach, thighs and arms burned with every movement.

As his brain slowly woke up while he stood over the toilet, he came to the realization that endorphins were indeed a very, very good thing.

When he came out of the bathroom, he found Julian lying propped against the pillows.

"How are you this morning?" he asked with a lecherous glint in his eye.

"Very, very sore and stiff," Garak replied as he shuffled toward the bed. "I’m afraid my age is starting to show."

"But it looks good on you," Julian reassured as he helped Garak pull the sheets back over himself.

"And it wasn’t all that scary, was it?" he continued.

"Terrifying," Garak mumbled sleepily as Julian settled down beside him, wrapping him in a warm, affectionate embrace.

"So, can I expect you back here tonight? Same time?" Julian asked in a chipper tone.

"Most definitely."




"Garak," Julian repeated softly as he shook Garak's shoulder gently. "I have to get up. I have to get to the Infirmary."


"As attractive as I think you are, I really can't wear a naked Cardassian to work. What would the patients say?" he teased.

Garak stretched sleepily and murmured, "They would say that it was a vast improvement over that dreadful uniform, and they might even find it a very daring fashion statement."

Julian smiled wryly and ran his hand from Garak's shoulder down to his hip affectionately as the Cardassian tried to press even closer to him, attempting to gain a bit more access to the warmth of Julian's skin.

"I really have to get up. You said you would come back tonight," he whispered as he craned his neck and pressed his lips to one of the ridges on Garak's forehead as he stroked over the mussed black hair with his hand.

Garak's only reply was a drowsy mumbling that Julian couldn't understand.

Smiling wickedly, Julian said, "I shouldn't have let you go back to sleep after you woke up earlier. At your age, it's only natural for you to sleep heavier, have more difficulty waking up."

Garak slowly raised his head slowly and glared at Julian with bleary, tired eyes.

Julian merely chuckled impishly, completely unimpressed with the sleepy glare being directed at him.

Garak gave up trying to be intimidating. He was too tired, and it was almost impossible to slip into the `feared interrogator'mode at this hour and with someone who had fucked you only a few hours before. He decided that it was best just to roll over and go back to sleep, gather his strength, and try to be intimidating later.

Garak vaguely noted that Julian left the bed, pulling the blankets up around him to hold the warmth against his skin before he drifted off to sleep.


Some time later, Julian came back to sit beside Garak on the bed. The tailor was easier to rouse this time. His eyes opened as soon as Julian's weight settled on the mattress and he watched as the doctor started pulling on his socks and boots. He brushed his fingers lightly against the dark fabric covering Julian's hip, and when the doctor smiled fondly at him, he felt as if he was watching the sun rise for the first time in years. No one had ever smiled at him like that; their expression so open, honest and full of affection, with no ulterior motives. Well, Ziyal, but… he knew that he and Ziyal could never have had this.

As Julian slid his foot into his second boot, he leaned over and kissed Garak, and the tailor was slightly disturbed by how much he craved and enjoyed such a simple gesture.

When the doctor pulled away a few inches, he looked soberly at Garak and said, "I want you to do something for me, Garak."

He just barely stopped himself from saying `Anything.' Instead, he raised his eyeridges inquiringly.

"I'm sure you realize by now that I have done some research on the physical mechanics of Cardassian sex, but as you brought to my attention last night, I know nothing about the emotional or mental aspects. In my own defense, though, information about Cardassian sexuality is very hard to find. I had to take information from the medical database and make a few guesses to have any sort of clue about what I was doing last night."

"Very good guesses I might add."

"Well, thank you, but what I was getting to was this; could you direct me to something a bit more informative? Texts, erotic literature… Anything? I just prefer to have more of an idea of what I am doing. And of course, it will be an exchange. I'll prepare a list of articles, literature and so forth about human sexual practices and relationships, if you are interested."

Garak hadn't really expected this. He hadn't thought of it, which was surprising.

"Yes, I would be very interested. Though, I'm afraid there isn't much I could offer you in regards to this exchange. We are not very open with information about ourselves, especially not such –intimate- information."

Hurt colored Julian's features for a second before he rushed to cover it and reply, "I'm sorry. I assumed, after last night… I presumed too much…"

"Doctor… Julian, no, you misunderstand. I didn't mean the two of us, I meant we Cardassians. As a race, we don't care to have something as intimate as our sexual relationships and practices available to others. The best way to avoid having this information fall into the hands of other races is to not discuss it openly, and not to make it readily available. So you see, Cardassian erotic literature is almost unheard of. So are manuals, explicit romance novels or anything else of that nature. It's difficult for us to even speak of it among ourselves."

The doctor looked at once relieved and slightly disappointed. "I see. Well, how do you… learn about it when you are old enough? How do young Cardassian adults know how to go about the process of romance, meeting and choosing a mate, or sex?"

"Doctor, a good deal of that is instinctual," Garak teased. "But usually, our marriages are arranged, romance isn't really a concept many Cardassians understand, or care much about. We learn how to treat our mates and interact publicly with one another by watching our elders. We are taught about reproductive responsibility in school just before we reach the age at which it would apply to us…"

His words trailed off at the stunned look on the doctor's face. His eyes darted to the side and he busied himself with sliding deeper under the blankets. When did he lose his ability to shut his mouth?

He scowled at the sound of Julian laughing softly and tried to turn on his side facing away from the human in indignation. The doctor's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Garak, I wasn't laughing at your culture. I was laughing because when I was a child, my mother always knew I was lying when I couldn't look her in the eye. I always know you are being uncharacteristically honest when you can't look at me."

He lay down beside Garak and pulled him close.

"Perhaps, I should have asked, how am I supposed to learn about sex with you? What do you expect of me? How will I know what you want or like? Maybe you could tell me? That is, if you feel comfortable with discussing it."

"I don't really know, Doctor. How could I know?"

"I suppose you couldn't. How could an advanced culture be so stifling about something like this?"

"One might wonder how such an advanced and open minded society as yours could continually be so closed minded about any culture that doesn't mirror it's own. Did it occur to you that there might be reasons for the way we view sex?"

"Oh, god, I did it again, didn't I? I'm sorry. But that is one reason I asked about this in the first place. I want to understand, and I want to know how it is and why for your people. I am sorry," he said as he propped himself up on his elbow and reached under Garak's chin, and gently turned the tailor's face to look at him. "I have to go now, or I'll be late. Don't worry about it, we'll work something out. And, when and if you feel like telling me more about your culture, I promise I'll listen and try not to make an ass of myself again. See you tonight?"

"I will be here at 1800 hours," he replied with a small smile. He was still bothered by Julian's view of his people, but he knew that he also had some prejudices and preconceived ideas about humans and other races.

Julian leaned down and kissed Garak again and said goodbye before getting to his feet and leaving for the infirmary.

~*~1800 Hours~*~

Garak stepped through the door into the doctor's quarters and was greeted warmly by a passionate kiss.

Julian then took his hand and led him toward the bedroom.

"I have been thinking about this morning," Julian began. "And, I think I can understand, at least partially, some of the reasons for why your people take the view of sex that they do."

Garak was undeniably curious to find out what the doctor had come up with, but could only manage to ask, "Oh?" as the doctor was distracting him by stroking his body through his clothing.

"Yes. It occurred to me this morning, how much it appeals to me that while you are new to sex of any kind, and I am new to Cardassian sex, I am really looking forward to learning about it together." Just then his hands finally broke through the barriers at Garak's waist and his fingers began skating over the twin spots on Garak's hips that he had manipulated the night before. The tailor's arms rose automatically to circle around Julian's waist and hold him tightly against his body as he shivered.

Julian continued in a slightly husky voice, "I also thought about a few other things, though. Garak…" he wrapped his arms around the sturdier man's waist stopped all movement, trying to ensure that he had all of Garak's attention on his words.

Once the tailor's frustrated eyes were on his face, Julian smiled reassuringly and continued.

"I realized that it was rather foolish to ask you about Cardassian relationships and to offer you information about human relationships. My intentions were good, but my idea had flaws. We can't look to any cultural standard for guidance, our cultures are too different. And even if they weren't, we are individuals." He paused and raised his hand to stroke a thumb along the underside of the ridge between Garak ear and chin, and watched distractedly as Garak tried to suppress a shiver. "Where was I? Oh! Yes. Garak, promise me that you will never do anything you don't want to just to please me. And…"

His voice caught as Garak replied "Mmm-hmmm…" in a low rumble against the doctor's throat.

"And… that…that feels good… promise me that you… won't let me do…anything you don't want… that you will always … always be honest, and truthful about this… And that you will never… ever… stop doing that! I like that."

"Anything. I promise," Garak mumbled as he tried to subtly guide Julian closer to the bed.

"I mean it, Garak," Julian said stubbornly.

"So do I," Garak said a bit irritably. "As much as I enjoy conversing with you, though, Doctor, might I delicately point out that we have been having conversations for many years, now, and only been having sex since last night?"

Julian laughed softly, kissing Garak apologetically when the tailor's skin flushed a darker shade of blue gray in mild embarrassment.

"That's exactly why I want to discuss this now, before we go any further. I… Garak, this apparently a very important issue to you, and it's extremely important to me. I just don't want to do anything, or anything else, stupid. I have also been thinking about what I know about you, and I think it's important that we not go any further until you agree to those terms."

"I said I would agree, Doctor. Shall we have a legal contract drawn up?" Garak asked a bit sarcastically.

"Not unless you feel it's necessary," Bashir replied mischievously, before leaning forward and putting his lips to work on Garak's neck ridges.

They made their way to the bed where Garak sat as they worked on the removal of his clothing; Julian with slow, steady movements while Garak fumbled with the various buckles and fasteners impatiently.

After having his hands patiently pulled away from yet another row of catches on the inside of his undershirt so that the doctor's steadier hands could release them, Garak hesitantly placed his hands on Julian's slim hips. He allowed his thumbs to play over the crest of bone where a ridge would be on a Cardassian, then timidly slip beneath the loose fabric at the waistband. Julian hadn't been wearing anything else when Garak arrived, and he was distractedly grateful for the simplicity of his companion's attire.

He eased the trousers down over Julian's hips a fraction of an inch before glancing up to the doctor's face. He swallowed convulsively, even though his mouth was suddenly dry, at the heated encouragement in Julian's eyes.

Julian's hands left Garak's tunic and undershirt gaping open, and without looking away from Garak's eyes, he lightly ran his hands the length of Garak's arms to rest on the tailor's hands. The doctor, who had been standing, bending slightly over the Cardassian, stood up straighter and encouraged Garak's hands with a subtle nudge to continue tugging his trousers down.

The hammering pulse and the fine tremor in his hands from the night before came back with a vengeance as Garak's gaze remained locked on Julian's face and he slowly eased the waistband lower, past the doctor hips. As the fabric fell away, Garak was certain he felt radiating from the doctor's groin on his face, regardless of the fact that the doctor was still standing a full arm length away.

Garak found he couldn't look away from the doctor's narrow face and hooded eyes as Julian stepped forward slightly, freeing his feet from his trousers and continued to hold Garak's hands, guiding them.

Garak felt the brush of curled hair and heat tickling at his palm only briefly before his hands were pressed lightly between Julian's hands and the human's groin. He swallowed dryly again as the doctor's fingers guided him over the flesh under his hands, teaching him caresses, strokes, textures and techniques.

He watched the doctor's face, entranced as the human's eyes became more heated, his eyelids grew heavier and fluttered occasionally, and his lips parted slightly to accommodate his slightly faster breathing. He felt a flame building within himself and the tremor of excitement in his hands grow more pronounced when the tip of Julian's tongue darted out to moisten his lips.

Julian's hand felt both hot and cool on his face, and he was surprised by the touch, for he hadn't realized one of the doctor's hands was no longer guiding his own. He felt his heart contract and flutter irregularly for a brief moment as Julian's fingers stroked firmly over the sensitized ridge of his jaw, and his thumb trailed almost awkwardly over the curving ridge of Garak's chin, over his lower lip. The universe seemed to contract suddenly, reduced to the space immediately surrounding him and the human standing before him.

He barely noticed the salty taste of human skin when Julian's thumb slipped cautiously into his mouth, gliding delicately over his tongue, tracing his teeth. He was beyond surprise when the doctor used his fingers beneath Garak's chin to carefully close the tailor's mouth around the digit inside. He didn't know himself at all by the time he had begun to suck at Julian's thumb, experimentally stroking his tongue over the pad of it, swirling it lazily around the sides, easing his lips further down closer to the heel of the long human hand. He didn't know when his eyes had fluttered closed, when watching the doctor's reaction had become too much, too intense for him.

He was so lost in the act, so intent on the doctor's thumb in his mouth, he didn't notice that both he and the doctor had completely forgotten about Julian's erection. The doctor's free hand now cupped the side of Garak's head, his fingers twitching and curling in Garak's hair, while Garak's hands had returned to rest on Julian's hips.

When Garak heard a barely audible, shuddering moan, he found himself feeling possessed by something unknown to him. He slowly pulled his head back, easing the doctor's thumb from his lips. He barely noticed the tiny, strangled growl that issued from Julian's throat as he trailed his tongue boldly down the side of the doctor's thumb, and paused briefly here and there to press an openmouthed kisses into the doctor's palm and the inside of his wrist and forearm.

Garak pulled lightly at the doctor's hips, strangely enjoying Julian's moist thumb brushing his cheek as the doctor wrapped the fingers of that hand in Garak's hair, encouraging the tailor's mouth closer to his body.

He slid his hands higher up Julian's sides as he continued to drop wet kisses over the skin of the doctor's abdomen, occasionally giving in to the temptation to nip at it lightly with his teeth, or trail his tongue over the smooth heat. The doctor's hands in his hair and on his neck were growing restless, kneading at the ridges and tangling in the dark strands. The soft, rumbling growl from before was now a steady, more persistent purring sound. He could feel the muscles beneath his hands growing more taut, and he could feel his own body shaking so it felt as if he might fly apart.

As he eased his mouth lower on the doctor's stomach, to the shallow concave spot between the abdomen and groin, a small, panicking voice from somewhere in the far reaches of his brain reminded him that he didn't know what he was doing. The doctor panting and growling continuously above him, occasionally whispering his name hoarsely reassured him that he was improvising quite well.

Julian's cock felt almost alarmingly hot to Garak's tongue when he first ran it experimentally from tip to base. This observation was quickly over shadowed by the doctor's voice calling his name sharply, and the wave of intense pleasure that rolled over Garak as Julian's fingers tightened reflexively on his engorged neckridges. In the next second, Garak found himself disappointed when Julian stepped back away from him.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked slightly alarmed, but he didn't release his grip on the narrow hips.

"No. Not at all! I just don't think my legs will support me much longer. I'd like to lie down," Julian rushed to explain, stepping forward again, moving to the bed.

Garak hurriedly scooted to one side to allow the doctor to crawl up onto the mattress, and as a side thought, took the opportunity to finish stripping off the rest of his clothes.

When he turned back to the bed to find Julian sprawled there, looking hungrily at him, he felt a brief moment of almost paralyzing panic trying to sweep over him again, before he firmly pushed it down. He focused instead on the tingling sensation in his lips, as if they were remembering how the doctor felt and tasted, and were anxious to be on him again.

Garak crawled across the bed to join his lover, patient and grateful for Julian's soft voice and gentle hands guiding him to a position that was comfortable for them both. When he was lying on his stomach between the doctor's thighs, it was almost a relief to resume making love to the younger man with his mouth and hands. He found that he wanted this to last. He could think of no better way to spend the rest of his life than nestled securely between these long, tan legs, to hear his name whispered repeatedly as Julian's hands stroked his hair and the side of his face, occasionally guiding his movements. He knew that it couldn't last, though, and knew instinctively that it was only a matter of time when Julian's voice began to alternate between plaintive whimpers and demanding growls. He enjoyed it while he could, as the doctor's self control began to slip away and he was unable to completely keep himself from writhing about or his hips from rocking in short, partially checked movements.

"Garak!" Julian cried sharply, startling the tailor a little. "Garak, I'm coming, I'm.. I'm coming…"

Garak felt a sudden loss as Julian suddenly pulled away, leaving Garak's mouth feeling incredibly empty and disappointed. In the next instant, though, he found his face pressed firmly against the human's sweat soaked breast bone, and Julian's arms around his back, holding him tightly as the doctor's body twitched spasmodically. He also felt the heated cock trapped against his chest, jerking hard and coating his scales with semen. Garak clamped his eyes shut, and held on to the young man with all his strength, as if their grip on each other was all that kept them from shattering.

As the last shocks of orgasm rolled over Julian, Garak began mouthing the damp flesh beneath his face, and was somewhat awed and extremely grateful when Julian responded with caressing touches with his hands and lips. He pulled at Garak's shoulders, leading him up so he could press his lips to the tailor's browridges, cheeks, and finally lips.

Garak was highly aroused, and only vaguely surprised to find himself rocking his hips against the slick skin beneath him, or by the fact that Julian's legs were twisting around his and Julian bucking gently up to meet him with every thrust.

He heard the doctor's voice murmuring in his ear, but the words were far from understandable to him. He only knew that he had to keep moving, he couldn't be still, and he was sure that Julian didn't want him to be.

Distantly, he felt the doctor's hand snaking it's way between them, and he was only dimly aware of the doctor trying to push him slightly away. He heard his voice growl his own impatience to close the distance between them, to shut out the cold air that was suddenly chilling his chest now that it wasn't pressed against his lover. He seemed to have lost his gift for words, both understanding them, and using them.

But just when he was sure he would never comprehend the spoken word again, or even care, he heard Julian's voice as if coming to him through a thick haze, saying firmly, "Garak, be still," and he felt as if there was no other conceivable option but to obey.

"There, that's good," Julian's was saying in the same tone one might use while gentling a high-strung animal. He felt one of Julian's hands on his chest holding him firmly away, and then he felt the other close loosely around his cock, stroking him slowly, spreading something cool that warmed quickly and fogging his brain still further. He was disturbed by the pitiful whimper that reached his ears, and shocked that it had come from him. Stars danced across his eyes as his eyes, already closed, squeezed even more firmly closed and his breathing grew so shallow and rapid he felt a warm numbness spreading to his fingers, toes and lips. He heard himself whimper again, as if from very far away and dropped his chin to his chest in some strange emotion that wasn't quite surrender or humility but was dangerously close to both.

Finally the hands holding him prisoner moved away, and he tried to recapture the warmth and delicious motion as soon as they were gone, only to have that voice that he couldn't deny murmuring softly, "No, Garak. Lie down, on your back. Soon… I promise. Just lie still. Breathe deeply, slowly. You won't make it if you don't."

Once more, as if there was nothing else to do, he found himself doing exactly as he was told. The warm, damp sheets against his backs were minutely soothing, and he felt a tiny bit of control return to him as he concentrated on slower, deeper breaths.

The doctor's warm hands petted his shoulders, and Garak reached up blindly for the slighter body, his fingers making contact with the unmistakable twin rows of Julian's oddly exposed ribcage before skittering downward hungrily to the bony hips and trying to pull Julian back against him.

Julian was aggravatingly resistant. Although Garak knew logically that he was stronger, and he could easily dominate the human physically, he found that he couldn't bring himself to do anything without Julian's consent. When Julian's body grew tense and threatened to pull away from him, he instantly relaxed his grip in the hopes of placating his partner.

He was intensely gratified that it seemed to have worked, because Julian softly said, "Shhh… That's right. Let me…"

Garak's muscles tensed and it took all his will power to hold still when he felt Julian's fingers wrap around his shaft again, not moving, merely holding him in a firm grasp.

"Deep breaths. That's right…"

And suddenly Garak's throat seemed to close as his eyes flew wide open. A nearly unbearable tight heat was sliding slowly down his shaft. He gasped and struggled to draw a breath, but the oxygen in the room seemed suddenly gone, and he felt a moment or two of vertigo as if the station was spinning out of control. He felt his fingers tighten on Julian's hips as his already tense muscles went completely rigid. He managed to roll his dazed eyes around till he found Julian, kneeling over him, his eyes shut and his lower lip held tightly in his teeth as he concentrated on slowly impaling himself on Garak's shaft.

As suddenly as they had stopped, Garak's lungs started working again as they noisily filled with air, and then pressed it quickly out again in a shuddering, almost sobbing exhale. Other than this, Garak was paralyzed, unable to move, only watch as a drop of moisture pooled at Julian's hairline before slowly trickling over his forehead and disappearing into his eyebrow. Occasionally, Julian would pause for the span of a breath or two before continuing his descent, until finally, an eternity later he rested snugly against Garak's hips. Only then did he open his eyes and Garak found himself trapped in that intense stare.

The doctor leaned forward, never breaking eye contact, and braced his hands on Garak's shoulders before he whispered brokenly, "Slowly. Just… slow.. gentle… yeeeessss," he hissed. Garak found himself lost hopelessly in the crashing tide of his climax. He tried desperately to hold it back, but his body had been stretched too far. He back arched sharply as pleasure akin to pain crowded over him blocking out everything. Moments later he found himself holding the doctor so tightly that his arms burned with the tension. His face was pressed into the crook of the young man's neck, and he was mumbling over and over, "I'm sorry. I tried to wait. I'm so sorry…"

This was crushingly familiar. Even in the warm haze and shaking afterglow of sex, he still felt unlimited shame over his failures. For many years, the knowledge of this part of Garak's psyche had given Tain unlimited power over him. And now, the thing Garak had feared most since he had found himself suddenly freed by his father's death had shown itself again. He had given himself away, body and soul, like the weak fool he feared himself to be. This was confirmation. He had handed control over to another again, to a human this time. And once more, he was wallowing in self-hatred and shame at another failure.

But Julian was holding him close, rocking with him still, kissing the raised pattern at his temple.

"Don't. Don't stop, Garak. Please!" he was begging.

The doctor's hand slipped between their still joined bodies and he began to stroke his own cock in a display of uninhibited behavior that made Garak envious. He sat up, lifting the doctor with him but without forcing them apart. They sat wrapped tightly in each other, each man's face pressed into the other's neck, the doctor's hips still rising and falling in a fevered rhythm while Garak's hand wrapped over the doctor's own, stroking him, whispering to one another words of comfort. Finally, Julian let out a choked cry as his whole body tensed against Garak. Garak wrapped both arms around the young man's back, ignoring the stickiness on his fingers and slowly, gently continued rocking till the Julian's body gradually grew limp and heavy against him.

Without speaking, or separating, they eased themselves to lie down on the bed, and for a long time they just lay there, lazily stroking one another, breathing, drawing and giving comfort from the other's presence.

Finally, just as Garak was dozing off, he heard Julian saying tiredly, "Don't you ever do that again."

Embarrassed, Garak replied sheepishly, "I couldn't help it. I'll try…"

"Never apologize to me for coming. And don't ever say `I'm sorry' with that much conviction again. You scared the living hell out of me. What the hell were you thinking?" he scolded. "I was worried that you had been replaced by a Changeling for one irrational moment. My Garak would never have said `I'm sorry,' with that much sincerity."

For just an instant, Garak almost apologized again, before he felt the doctor shaking with laughter. He gratefully accepted the opportunity to cover his lapse of self-control and said, "I wouldn't want for you to grow lazy and trusting, Doctor. I have to keep you guessing, don't I?"

~*~*~*~The End~*~*~*~

Back to the Archive

Please use the form below to feedback to the author. Your message will also be forwarded directly to the author. Thank you.

E-mail address
Homepage URL
Story Title or Subject

Counter Visits to this page since May 2001.


Challenge reply: This is in reply to the challenge to write a G/B story in which Garak had less experience than Julian. I had to go all the way (pun intended) and write Garak as pure as the driven snow, which was not easy. It was made even more difficult by the fact that Fluffy was in Lizard Lust and stalking me, flirting, bobbing his head and winking lewdly at me. Really, he was!! So, as you can imagine, I had to wait till Fluffy's hormones had had a cold shower before I could take this seriously. This one is firstly for Heather, who has been supportive of me and everyone else in the G/B fandom, worked endlessly and often thanklessly on keeping the faith alive and who just damn well deserves something nice. Also for Karmen, who was very encouraging in a most comedic way.

PS: And Jen is wonderful, fabulous, and a much better writer of whom I am truly not worthy.

PPS. I should mention the bitch came to my house and typed that last bit up, and I just decided to leave it in to let y'all see what I have to deal with. And everyone says, `I wish I had a fellow TrekSmutter friend who I saw all the time in RL.' Not all it's cracked up to be, folks.