Todd's Words of Wisdom
This could quite possilby be the coolest and truest thing I've ever read. It was recieved by me in an email written by Todd Dempsey. A true work of art which I would like to take credit for, but can't.
1. Don't worry about shit that will be over in less than 4 months.
2. College courses are offered more than once so dumb asses like me can try again. Don't worry about school, there are more important things in life.
3. If you're gonna break the rules, learn them first so you don't get caught. If you do get caught, at least you have a chance to get off by some loophole in the system. If you don't get off, just bend over, and take what's rightfully yours....a nice, hard gorge to the ass.
4. Refuse to be the system's bitch. If you're not screwing the system, the system's screwing you. This statement applies to anything you can think of.
5. Laugh as much as possible. People might think you are immature or stupid, but hey,..you're burning calories and having one hell of a time doing it. They are just sitting around watching their asses expand.
6. Don't worry about what other people think of you. When they're old and senile, they won't remember you anyway.
7. Try anything once. You don't want to look back on your life and realize that you were a pussy. I know people like that,.....sucks to be them.
8. Shit rolls down hill. If someone tells you something that you don't like, or they try to make you do something you don't want to.... roll that shit on down to the guy below you. If they don't like that, refer back to statements 4 and 7.
9. You gotta find somebody you love, ..sure, but you also have to find somebody that you absolutely hate. If you don't have a vent coming out of both ends of the spectrum, you get clogged up and that's when fire starts shooting out of your ass.
10. Saying the work f*ck of shooting someboky the rod is very relaxing and relieving. I recommend you do both as much as possible.
11. When you think somebody has farted, don't be afraid to ask. There's nothing funnier than asking people about bodily functions. It's a good conversation starter too.
12. Don't be a tattle-tale or a rat. People hate narcs and have no respect or use for a two-faced bastard.
13. When you are a passenger in a car going down a road where you don't know anybody, try to find fun things to do like mooning people or acting retarded in the window. This provides hours of wholesome entertainment.
14. Drink lots of beer. This helps clean out your kidneys. There's endless possibilities w/ alcoholic beverages. I could go on for days.
15. When people send you stupid-ass emails, simply grin, keep reading, and then write them the nastiest note you can think of. That should get the point across that people hate those f*ucking forwards that everyone sends to you 3,498 times in one day.
16. When talking on common, everyday topics, it is fun to use creative similies. Instead of, "It's pretty hot out here," try this one, "It's hotter than a gila monster's nutsac out here!" Or, instead of.. "You don't look so good", try this one: "Damn, you look like hammered dog-shit in a plastic bag!" Use your imagination.
17. Coin your own phrase and use it often. Come up w/ something original, yet annoying. Say this phrase as much as it applies and try to bug the hell out of whoever you are talking to by repeating this phrase many times.
18. And last, but certrainly not least, raise your right hand and repeat after me: "The sun and moon may vary, and hell may freeze over, but I will never put a colon after a verb so help me God." - Weldon Edwards
People have been enlightend.