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This month, a poem makes its way to the group, one written several years
ago, when I realized that we often challenge goodness and Divinity to reveal
itself among the most negative circumstances of human life.
At the ego level, this is a search powered by fear, despair, anger: the
"negative" human emotions. Looking deeper, we see the play of the
hide and seek, with that wonderful message being passed to and fro:
The seeker says: You can run, but you can't hide;
Wherever you may go, I will find you.
Who is the seeker, who the sought? That is the divine play of this
wonderful life.
---------------------------
Looking for NotGod
by Meenakshi, 1999
Fearful for my
safety, I went looking for NotGod
Hunting in the darkness of alley streets
And the cages of
criminals,
I looked in the
face of beasts
And the lairs of animals
I went gingerly,
alert and ready
To battle,
perhaps to run
To find and
destroy the demons
And thus be safe
forever
Protective about my
feelings I went looking for NotGod
I peered in the
faces of bullies
And in the jeers
of crowds
In the cabins of
bosses
And wherever
there was power
I crept into all
these places
For here I knew
I’d find
The victims and
the vanquished
Who had been left
behind
To shield myself from
shame I went looking for NotGod
Seeking the
mortification of those with unequal bodies
The despair of
those who had failed
Hurt in the eyes
of lost lovers
The poor, the
naked, the outsiders
In failure I’d
find the disgrace of being
Out of step with
the rest of the world
And then I could
plead for the dignity
That each of us
has sought
To protect myself from
deception I went looking for NotGod
I frequented
places where people sought
My time, my
money, my attention
Attended talks by
gurus and cons
And places where
money changes hands
I wanted to find
the people who cheat
And those who lie to steal
For I knew that
if I could find them first
I’d be saving
myself from hurt
To insulate
myself from pain I went looking for NotGod
Peering into surgeries and sports fields
And wherever the
body is pushed
I looked in
places of violence
In homes and
jails and schools
I looked in the
hearts of criminals
And in the eyes
of the afflicted
I rushed to find
the pain
So I could stop
the hurt
To stem the feeling of
incompleteness I began to stalk NotGod
I needed to
connect the separated strands
To root out the
parts that were ruined
The places of
worry and doubt
I tracked the
places in all our hearts
Where
inconsistency and chaos rule
The places where
desire fights the desired
The darkest
reaches of the soul
I looked in these
places because I thought
That finally I’d
find NotGod
In the places
where kinks appear in our hearts
And I could work them out
But however hard I looked
I could not find NotGod
For God had joined the
search with me
And S/he was everywhere
So, thinking God is
nowhere here
I found that God is Now
Here!
In the unsafe places God
is the courage we find
After we have known the
unknown
Where feelings
are hurt we learn to relate
To ourselves and
to each other
Where there is Shame we
discover
The self that needs to be
nurtured
Where someone is cheated
there is a lesson learned
That what we have gained
should be nursed
Through the pain one can
feel connected
To places that we never
knew
And in the feeling of
incompleteness is the knowledge of oneself
In which the fragrance of
God can reside
In order to dispel
darkness
I went with bravado to
fight
But in the dark I realized
I could think of nothing
but Light!
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Thank you.
©2003-2009 Meenakshi Suri
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