I wasn't sure if
I wanted to put this in the journal page or this one, but
I guess this is an issue. Even if it is a personal issue
that is going on in my life.
was the 10th of December. To the rest of the world, it could
have simply been another day. Someone may have died, someone
else may have went to see some family members. For me, it
was a friend's birthday. I don't even consider him a friend
anymore, but I remembered the date and I remembered him.
I was waiting in line to be admitted to the Something Corporate
concert. It was freezing outside and the only thing protecting
me from the chilly air was an Old Navy sweater. The sun
was hidden by a thick layer of clouds that were crying all
around us. I remembered the date and reached into my pocket
for my cell phone. The reception was strangely weak, but
I still pressed the numbers into the phone and held it close
to my ear. A woman's voice answered. It was his sister.
I asked if I could speak to him and she told me to hold
on. After a few moments of silence where I thought that
I may have been disconnected, she came back to the phone
and asked my name. Jeffrey. She left again and
I heard her speak my name to the man I was calling. I don't
know what they conversed about for those few seconds, but
when she came back she gave me a straight answer. He
said he will call you back. It was happening again,
but I wasn't going to be put in a line. That's okay,
just tell him I said Happy Birthday. Snap-my phone
went shut and I was left out there in the rain. December
entire high school career, Steven had been my best friend.
We did almost everything together because we were that tight.
It seemed like it was us against the world at times. In
9th and 10th grade, neither one of us were popular and it
didn't seem like we really wanted to be. That was the fun
in it. I didn't have to worry about being normal in front
of him or having to wear nice clothes. I didn't have to
put on a front with him and he was the same way. He had
a genuine interest in me as a person and not just as some
guy he knew in high school. That was my homie and ever second
I was with him, I was happy...as cheesy as that sounds.
though, at the end of 10th grade. I was going through a
depression that no teenager should ever go through. I remember
just not wanting to wake up the next morning sometimes and
I documented it all in my poetry. This wasn't that, "I
broke up with my girlfriend/boyfriend and now I am going
to shut myself in my room" depression. This virus stayed
with me from December of the year before to the time I was
let out of school. Needless to say, Steven read my work
and monitored my attitude and he was more than upset about
it. The guy tried so many times to reach out to me to help,
but at the time, I didn't want it. I found this strange
pleasure in feeling sad. At the same time that I hated it,
I loved it. He didn't help the situation at all. I was jealous
of Steven. Since the beginning of that year (2001), Steven
not only gained popularity in my school, but also in the
theatre company we were both in. He was a technician, I
was an actor. I hated him because he had everything that
I wanted. He got the attention I desired and because of
that I started treating him like an enemy. I would always
have some sarcastic jab to throw at him or something to
break down the guy that I loved like a brother. He never
throw any comments back, ever. I started to see my friend
begin to drift away from me. I remember the email that Steven
sent me at the very end of the school year and it broke
my heart. He told me that I had been acting like an asshole
to him, trying to publicly humiliate him as often as I could.
He said that he was tired of my sarcastic remarks toward
him. He also said that he didn't know why I felt so abandoned
because he would never abandoned me.
work, I didn't see Steven much that summer. Even on my days
off or the weekends, I didn't see him. He began to make
new friends away from our faction. He began to make friends
with more of the popular people within our school and I
felt left behind. I would call him and ask him if he wanted
to go to the movies or to the mall and sometime I would
get a yes, but most of the time I would get a no. Half of
the time he would be out with someone else doing something
else. Then, the bomb dropped. I want to graduate a year
early. We were only juniors and Steven want to go off
to college. I knew that if he was successful then I would
be going through my senior year without my partner in crime.
successful and even he spent his time with me his last time
in Detroit, I knew that we were not where we were. When
he would come home, I might catch him once, which was an
improvement from the year before. But what we had was gone.
We would drive in the car in total silence with only the
radio to break the silence. I began to see less and less
of him as he got more into college life and less into his
high school past. How things can change in only a year.
So the downfall
began. It was early September and I sent Steven a text message
asking if he wanted to go to the movies. He replied that
he did and so I got some clothes on. Soon it was time for
me to leave and I asked him whether he was ready. I got
no message back. I tried again and got no message back.
Suddenly, he texts me back saying that he does have any
money. Not surprising because the time before, he had a
bad headache. I wondered to myself, why I even tried anymore.
I ended up going with a good friend named Dominique. She
and I had the best night. It was her last night in Detroit.
A few days
later, Steven calls me. I need to use your computer.
For what? I need to do my financial aid information by midnight.
Okay, come over. Come get me. You already need to use my
computer, now you want me to come get you? Yeah man, please?
No. Come one. Okay, okay, I'm on my way. You for real? Yep.
Click. I put some pants on and head over to Stevens. He
lived only a mile away so in a car, it took only a few seconds.
I stood out in front of his house and honked the horn. No
one came out. I was already pissed that I had to go and
get someone to use something else of mine, but I went up
and knocked on the door. No answer. I got in my car and
drove away. About 5 minutes after I got home the phone rang.
Are you coming? I was already there. Why didn't you
knock? I honked the horn and knocked on the door. Why didn't
you walk around to my room? Because I shouldn't have to
go through all of that shit just to get you, YOU are the
one who wanted all of this so don't try and make me the
bad guy. It went on like that for 20 minutes before
there was silence. You know what the worse thing is,
as long as we have been friends and as tight as we are,
you can't even admit that you are wrong. He couldn't.
He just sat there in silence. He knew he was wrong but the
sad thing is, I don't think he cared. He had to many people
who were willing to suck up to him and do his every bidding.
I was beyond that now. I had someone new in my life named
Carmen. She was better than him because she cared so much.
We sat on the phone silent for 5 minutes. Neither one of
us able to speak. Maybe he did care and he didn't want to
admit it. I didn't either. Our first arguement and our last.
I don't know
why I called Steve yesterday. We haven't spoken in close
to four months now. But I thought that maybe time would
heal things. Maybe I could reclaim the friendship he and
I had. I thought that maybe, with both of us being in college
that we would be on the same level. I thought that even
though the friendship we had in the past was gone, that
he would remember like I did. I thought that since this
was the longest we had gone without speaking that he would
chat for a few minutes. I thought that maybe, since it was
his birthday, he could get at least say hello to an old
he'll call you back.
I won't forget.