So this will be the
last entry of Winter Quarter and just like the past quarter,
this one will be put into the achieves. It has been a great
time discovering some very cool people and getting into some
interesting activities here at OSU.
Yesterday was my birthday
and it was celebrated by family members from home calling me,
singing "Happy Birthday." It was nice of all of them
to do that. Even Carmen called me, although we are not currently
speaking to each other. Someone who didn't call, however, was
my father. I guess I wouldn't care if the guy wasn't in my life.
There are fathers out there who will just send a check, hell
there are parents out there who don't send checks. My father
tries to stay in the mix of what is going on, but it almost
seems like I have no priority in his life because I am not physically
there. The only reference to my birthday that my father made
was asking me what I wanted last week. Good job.
Finals have been stressful.
Even more so than last quarter because I actually studied for
these. Jcom went fine. Math 104, I did well, but not well enough
to pass the course. I take theatre in a few hours and then I
go home. I do have to thank Cole for getting me away from those
books and out of the dorm. Monday, we pretty much hung out all
day. I treated him to dinner at Mirror Lake Cafe (one of the
only places on campus where you can get some decent food) and
then we went over to Baker Hall to find some of his friends.
I had this weird yearning to play the piano so I did. Cole and
his friends played Hackie Sack. After I was done, they insisted
that I learned myself. Now, I don't have enough coordination
to be hitting a sack off my foot, or so I though. I learned
the basics and as long as it wasn't a complicated pass, I could
keep the sack in the air and send it flying to someone else.
We played for a good hour, which was full of laughs. After that,
we went upstairs to play some Mario Kart. I have to say that
I had fun, but it had to come to an end because I had to work
the next morning.
It has been a real pleasure
to be around my roommates the past few nights. They have been
full of jokes and laughter. I find myself thinking that I am
going to really miss living with some of these guys. Alas, all
of us will be in the same dorm (Drackett Tower) next school
year, so it won't be so bad. Its just amazing how people have
to learn how to live with each other. I cannot stand
Franklin, but we both have to stay in the same room and so we
work together. To bad the world couldn't work like that.
I am going to wrap up
this entry. Winter quarter has been filled with fun, work, and
some crazy weather. I love this school, but I can definitely
use a break. I probably won't post anything here until I return
on the 27th. I hope to return with EXP. My mother called the
man who has given her the past 3 cars she has owned. I figure
when I walk in there he is either going to warn me about buying
a used car or tell me that it is a bad idea. I mean, I am only
19 and I am getting an Explorer. We will see. But until next
Saturday, I bid you goodbye.
Things are not going
so well back in Detroit. I sent my mother a text message asking
her whether I should pay for a month subscription to Carfax.com.
Since I go home this Wednesday and will be there until the following
Saturday, I thought it would be a good idea to just go ahead
and get the subscription so that we can have a little background
check on some of the cars we will look at. I got a voice mail
back from her saying that she had received my message and that
she had a bad day. She had some type of Jewelry Party and invited
15 people, but only about 4 showed up. She also told me to make
the decision about Carfax on my own. I have to say that I feel
bad about my mom's party. I think her outcome was one of the
biggest reasons why I never had a party. I always feared that
no one would show up and to put yourself out there like that
and be let down hurts a lot. I feel especially bad for my mother
because she is in a bad way. She was engaged to be married almost
a year ago. Here it was, after 18 years of just me, she was
engaged to a great guy that even I liked and then all of a sudden,
it's over. A month later, I leave for college. My mother is
alone in the house. She doesn't have to live for me anymore
because I am more than 200 miles away. I think right now she
is just going through routine: work, home, choir rehearsal,
sleep. She has given up completely on dating because the man
broke her heart. She is afraid to bounce back and try again,
even though that is what she needs to do. Young people get their
hearts broken and they have to bounce back and so do grown people.
My mom is lucky in some ways though. She is not surrounded by
sisters and nieces who are married. My aunt Robin, whom my mother
is the closest to, isn't married. If they don't have anyone
else, they have each other and me.
This dream of an Explorer
seems to be fading more and more. Yesterday's news kind of put
it into perspective. Although I am very aware of my mother's
state of mind when she called, this overall experience makes
me think it is not going to happen. I have been reading sites
that give tips about buying used cars and looking up the information
about my car, like gas mileage and whatnot, but it seems like
I am the only one doing it. I am not saying that my mother should
do all the work, but I am just not feeling any support on this
venture. Every time we talk, she says that we will figure it
out when I get home. But my big issue is that I will only be
home for a week. If we don't find it in that week, then we won't
be finding it, mostly because I know she won't go do it herself.
I am going to need a car loan or financing. I ask her to research
her credit union and give her sites to places that will loan
us money at a low interest rate. My payments could be under
$200 a month and the car could be paid in less than 4 years,
but she isn't looking to that. I play defense before I play
offense. When it comes to money, if I am not sure about what
I am doing, I don't just jump into and see what happens. I am
going to be trading in a very good car and giving money out
of my own pocket, plus getting a loan to pay for this thing.
There is no way that I will add $7,000 more to my debt if I
am not sure of what I am doing. That money is serious to me.
The money I've saved shows that I am serious, but it feels like
I am the only one. She thinks it will all work out, but I think
there has to be some type of work before it just works out.
This is a lot of money and I don't want to play with that.
Other things have been
strange lately too. I have been speaking to people, via AOL
Instant Messenger, that I haven't spoken to in years, namely
my ex and a guy who used to be my best friend named Alpha. This
won't turn into an issue like it did with Steven, I promise.
Alpha were really cool from the time of 7th grade up until I
went to high school. We did everything together. I mean, there
wasn't a weekend that we didn't spend the night at each other
house or just chill. Strangely enough, we he was the first person
that I didn't feel an obligation to start a conversation with.
We will just chill in silence sometimes. We, of course, group
apart. The final sever of our friendship was when he dropped
my laptop on the floor for some change. We had only spoken in
small terms at church or online. I went through high school
and went to college without him and then all of a sudden, he
reads my website. I guess he was pretty impressed by it and
wanted to converse more. What shocked me was that he said I
sounded like a different person from what he used to know. He
couldn't describe why, it just was something he sensed. Over
these past few days we have been recollecting things that we
did in the past. It made me realize that we both had some great
times together. What was wrong with our friendship, though,
was that it was superficial. We never got beyond laughing and
joking. When I had a problem, I had no one to tell because Alpha
wasn't that "type" of friend. He wasn't someone I
could go and tell things to because he always presented himself
as a jokester. Eventually the jokes got old and there was nothing
left. There was no emotional connection or any type of support.
Heh, the more I talk about this, I realize that friendships
are a lot like relationships, only without the physical or emotional
love (in that way). I am not sure what to think about these
folks back into my life. My ex is my ex for a reason, but turning
my head away is wrong. My mother said that this would happen,
only she was referring to Carmen and Steven. I guess we will
see how it goes.
My novel, Exile,
is coming along. I am finishing up the title chapter which is
the mid point of the book. It's hard. I am making up characters.
I mean it is hard enough playing characters on stage. At least
then, I am dealing with one. In this book, I am forced to deal
with several. Simple things such as what they would say and
how they would interact is difficult to make realistically.
But it is coming along and I am proud of my work. After this
chapter, I get to focus on the relationships between the characters.
Once again, you can read the first two chapters in the Creations
It finally happened.
If you have read the issue this week, you will know that death
is a big fear of mine. I have been learning to deal with it
and find ways to deal with the inevitable. Things have been
great, but the original reason I began thinking about death
was the time I thought my ferret Salem was dying of old age.
Well he is finally gone.
I got a call from my
mother the other day and she was crying. She had taken Salem
to the vet to see why he was going through all these random
bouts of paralysis. We thought it might be diabetes, something
that is very treatable. In fact, that is what the vet thought
it was originally, but he turned out to be wrong. Salem had
a tumor that was making contact with his spinal cord. It was
large and causing his legs to lose all feeling. The tumor was
constantly getting larger and larger so there was nothing we
could really do to save him. Salem was 8 years old, which is
great for a ferret, but he was just too old for an operation.
My mother was upset and rightfully so. Salem has been kind of
a constant in our house. He out lived my hamsters (even killed
a few of them), my chameleons, and still going strong when Spirit
came into our lives. It was hard for my mom to deal with because
both she and I had to watch him get sicker and sicker.
We reminisced over the
phone, speaking about some of Salem's funny moments. It was
like a private Eulogy. We talked about how he would play tag
around the house and how he used to nip our feet. How he used
to jump up on our legs and sometimes even ride around on them
for a while. I remembered how he used to give me kisses or how
he would always bite my ear.
I think the saddest
part is, I wasn't even home to see my buddy for the last time.
But by keeping him alive, it meant making his suffering even
longer. I could do that to my buddy.
Spring Break, haul ass
and get here!
I have to say that I
am very ready to get home. College life is just getting to that
point where I am being irritated by my surroundings. For the
past few nights, I have been unable to sleep more than 3 hours.
Sunday and Monday night, both Ben and I were kept awake by some
happenings that occurred in the front room. If you read my site
much, I don't have to tell you who caused most of the noise.
Inconsideration to an extreme.
School is going okay.
I believe I am going to get an A in both of my theatre classes.
In Theatre 100 we were to do a creative project on one of the
plays we had read. Most people did a play or an adaptation to
a play. A lot of folks video tapped it, which was sometimes
a good idea and other times it was bad. To make a long story
short, the 4 TA's had to pick the best group out of all their
classes (my TA has 3 classes). My group was the best out of
my TA's classes and we got to perform for the entire lecture.
I also got to perform for a lot of the graduate students that
I auditioned and did read-thru's with. Many of them came up
and congratulated me. One guy, Adrian, is my hero now. After
I saw him perform, I think he is one of the best actors I have
seen. I cannot wait to see him in another play. Maybe I will
be able to play next to him.
I will say that I am
going to miss this quarter. I met a lot of people that I want
to continue to keep in contact with, namely Cole and Wade. It's
great to know people who have the same love as you. You know
what's even cooler? Cole and Wade didn't used to know each other
until those call backs. Now the coolest folks I know on this
campus are cool with each other.
But as much as I will
miss this quarter, I am looking forward to my break. I want
to sleep and I want to be alone for once. I want to get EXP.
I have been having dreams about that car, when I am able to
sleep. My mom has been a little more receptive than she was
in the past, but I think since the date is getting closer, it
is becoming more of a priority. I am a little worried about
it though. The thing is, my work-study money has ran out so
I am making minimum wage. I will have to make at least 16 hours
a week in order top $300. I just hope my payments are below
200 or it will be a little difficult to make payments and live.
I wish my dad was sending me money on the regular, but it's
impossible to predict his checks. Every time I think about him
I thank God for my mom. Whether he likes it or not, he isn't
helping me all that much. For the Big XII Leadership Conference,
my mom went and bought me more than $200 in dress clothes and
then sent them to me just in time to go. I am lucky to get 100
from my dad in a month. That's okay. I am not a child anymore
and I understand what is going on. I can't wait to see my mom
just to hug her. I can't wait to see my grandmother so I can
hug her. My aunt Robin, I am going to break her back and my
cousin Michelle will be lifted from the ground.
I am tired of arguing.
I am tired of debating. I am tired of sharing what I think about
all of these social issues that are going on today. I am wiped.
I am drained. I need to drive.
The past few weeks have
been filled with "meaningful" discussions on various
topics. The Passion of The Christ, gay marriages, religion,
and censorship. I have given my opinion and dispelled some of
their beliefs. But at the same time I have heard what some had
to say and adapted something's that they believe. But an overwhelming
number of people speak ignorantly about things they have no
idea about. People honestly sit back and say that Gay people
should not be married. That we should deny them rights just
because Christianity says it is wrong. My Atheist friend said
it best, "Why should anyone's religious beliefs effect
me when I want nothing to do with it?"
Yesterday was horrible.
I talked to my Bible Study leader, Danny, about something he
had said in Bible Study. He said that people who do not know
Jesus must go to hell. I questioned him later about people in
the Americas who would have never known Jesus, not because they
don't want to accept him, but because they didn't know of his
existence. He said that basically they would go to hell because
they sinned and because we sin we deserve to die (remember,
hell is the land of the dead, Satan only occupies it). Everything
Danny was saying was adding up. I mean, he once again didn't
preach to me, he just gave me facts from the Bible. The guy
made sense, but at the same time I could not accept what I heard.
He reassured me that it is hard to accept something like that,
but I didn't and still don't know if I can. If God is so good
then why not send a Jesus everywhere so that the people of that
time could know him. Not just this area in the Middle East?
When Ben came into the room, I had a bad headache from just
battling it out. Ben and I conversed about what just happened
and for once, I could not explain what I was going through.
I don't know whether I should stick to my beliefs or amend them
to what is so clearly stated.
Later that day, I had
the whole, "Should gay people get married" discussion
in BANCS. I could not believe how ignorant some people are.
For the most part, even the most Christian guy in the room could
separate himself and say that gay people should be allowed to
marry, just not under the church, but there were some people
who came up with some sorry ass arguments. People are so driven
on stereotypes and things that they just don't understand. I
argued my case and I won (even though it was a discussion more
than an argument, but my male ego makes everything into a competition),
but when I went to sleep last night, I was close to tears.
I kept thinking back
to all of these conversations that took place. I kept thinking
about honestly good people who are devoted so much to their
religion just as much as I am, and them having to suffer because
they didn't know. I thought about the ignorant thoughts my fellow
BANCS members had and remember that some day they will be running
the country just like I will be. And I wanted to scream so loud
that the world could hear me. I wanted to scream so that maybe
instead of hearing all these fragmented views from 100's of
people, that they could hear one voice that would make them
think. But in the end, I was still in my bed at night. I spoke
to God briefly just because, and I hate to say it, I was tired
of religion. I was looking at what Christianity was and I honestly
don't like it. But I also feel God telling me not to make a
decision based one what other people tell him. It's between
me and him. But am still tired.
I want to drive. I want
to get behind the wheel of the 1999 Black Ford Explorer XLT
that I don't own yet and pop in my CD. I want to cruise down
the highway at night with no one else on the road but me. No
one to argue with. No room to feel trapped in. It would be my
Have you ever listened
to a song and it just invoked this feeling in you? Not that
whole, "This song is talking about love and I wish I had
someone in my life," feeling. Something more abstract than
that. It's a song that makes you feel trapped where ever you
are and it makes you just want to break loose and be free of
I get that feeling sometimes.
When I get the opportunity to listen to music in my room, I
listen to all types of artists. Some of their songs just masks
me want to get out of the dingy room and get out into the open
air. I have been listening to this one band that I saw in concert
called MAE. They have this song called Sun that I recently began
to listen to and the song just gives me this anxiety. It may
sound strange, but one of my favorite things to do is drive.
I used to love driving to my best friend Carmen's house because
I would be able to put a CD in that reflected the type of day
it was and I could drive for about 30 minutes at 70mph with
just me and the artist. Driving made me feel free because it
was just me in that car. It was like flying, only I didn't need
to go into the air. I think that is why I want this Explorer
so bad. Don't get me wrong, my current car does the job all
by itself, but to have a car that I bought, not simply given
to me, will only enhance that feeling. When I think about getting
that Explorer, I think about that Saturday morning when I will
have to wake up at 6am to head back to school. I will put my
clothes and other personal items into the back of my newly purchased
SUV. I think I will hug my mother for as long as it is physically
possible and then kiss her goodbye. I will slide into that cool
leather seat and start up the car. Going through my CD case,
I already know what CD I will reach for: Something Corporate's
album, North. I won't play it at first. I will wait until I
bypass all the traffic lights and reach the freeway before I
hear the first of its lyrics: Close your eyes, I will be
swimming. Lullabies feel your room... And it won't end
30 minutes later. I will have 3 hours and 30 minutes of nothing
but me and the road. My freedom.
Christianity is getting
a little hard for me right now. After talking about The Passion
of The Christ in Bible study as well as speaking about other
topics, I just felt drained. When I went to sleep that night,
I tried so hard to avoid praying. I wanted to talk to God, but
at the same time, I didn't. For that night, I wanted to just
escape my religion and just settle, but I couldn't halt my conversation
with Him. A little while before I asked my Bible study leader
what he thought about Hindu's believing that all religions share
the same God and he said that it couldn't be so. He said that
because the Bible is the absolute truth, that anything that
differs from it is a lie. I asked him what he thought of Jewish
people who share the same God as Christians, but do not believe
Jesus was the Messiah and he said that he thinks that they are
God's chosen people, but that if they don't accept Christ, then
they cannot go to heaven.
My views on my religion
are heavy. My idea of God is not the traditional one. The type
of God that I believe in isn't the "Ruler God" as
I like to put it, that people believe in. The God that says
if you do not believe in him then you will go to hell. That
if you do not know Jesus, then you are going to hell. The God
I pray to is the "Parental God." Now everyone goes
around calling God, "Father" all the time, but they
don't really feel that way. The same God that they call father,
they believe will send a person to hell for being gay. I don't.
I can't. I don't see how some people can be so accepting, but
God, who is supposed to be the most forgiving, can't. Everyone
sees God as this ruler and I just see him as kind and compassionate.
But who really knows the personality of God.
I am just tired though.
I am tired of having my view because I have to constantly explain
them. And I feel so alienated sometimes because although people's
perceptions are different, they often share the same characteristics
and mine just don't. Sometimes I wonder am I just delusional
or should my way of thinking be put out there. I mean, think
of what would have happened if Martin Luther never went against
the Church. There would be nothing but Catholicism. But for
now, I will stay quiet. I am just too tired of it all.
It has been so long
since I last updated and there is so much to talk about. I will
do my best to not kill you with information, well more so than
I generally do.
Both Cole and I got
called back for two shows: Fate of a Cockroach and Identity.
Basically we read scenes for Fate of a Cockroach and messed
around with puppets for Identity. To make a long story short,
Cole was cast in Fate of a Cockroach and I was cast in Identity.
I think we both have a future in this industry. Don't get me
wrong, I love journalism and there is no way I would ever give
it up, but I feel the same way about theatre. I have found myself
now unable to choose one over the other. I know I am going to
be double majoring.
I guess Thursday started
everything off. I was at my BANCS (Black Association for North
Campus Students) meeting and we were playing Black History Jeopardy.
I was one of the judges and also a creator of one of the categories.
Black folks cannot do anything without arguing about it, I swear
to God. Folks were arguing a lot about everything even though
the winner wouldn't be getting anything. At some points it was
funny, but others it just got annoying. After the meeting was
over I was urging my friend Monyett to hurry up and leave. She
wanted to help clean so I waited. Suddenly, we all heard a crash.
One of the tables had fallen and one of them members named Carl,
had ran into it. Folks started laughing once they thought he
was okay. He got off the ground and ran to the bathroom. I saw
blood on his hand. We thought he had busted his lip, but one
of the Executive Board Members wanted to make sure he was okay.
Monyett and I trailed behind. Turned out, Carl had a nice sized
gash on his chin. It was deep too because his skin was hanging
from it. I advised him to go to the hospital, but he was thinking
about going home. More people said he should go to the hospital
and so he did. I told him that I would come along with him.
It wasn't too much of a wait, which was surprising because OSU
Hospital Emergency is known for it's long wait. He got his stitches
done and we left.
This weekend has been
a pretty good one. I was able to spend time with some incredible
people here at Ohio State. Friday was a busy day all by itself.
After working from 3am to 7am, I went back to the room and fell
into my bed. I set my timer to wake me up at 10:30 because my
friend Anthony and I had some traveling to do. He had IMed me
a few days ago asking if I would go to Bowling Green State University
to pick up his friend JP (whom you should have read about at
least once). I said sure since I had nothing better to do than
sleep. So when the time came, I took a shower and got dressed.
Anthony and I went and got some food before we hopped on the
road. When we were at Wendy's, there was this little kid that
kept starting at Anthony. It was hilarious because Anthony didn't
know how to make him stop. Eventually his mother told him it
was time to go. She pulled out a harness that was attached to
a rope and took him out of the store. She put the kid on a leash,
which was funny because my mother did that to me when I was
a kid. Anthony and I make our way to BGSU and we do it fast.
Anthony was punching his car an average 85mph. At one point
he hit 100, but he also almost got pulled over by a cop. Needless
to say, he was scared to death, but luckily he got away with
it. On the way, we passed this place called "Coon's Candy"
and I was appalled. We both laughed though. It took us 1 hour
and 30 minutes to make a 2 hour trip. BGSU is nothing like OSU.
It's located in the middle of nothing but they have a nice looking
campus. We met up with JP who, as soon as we came up to his
dorm, showed us how he broke into his friend Justin's room.
When Justin came home and found out, he was shocked, amused,
and pissed off, all at the same time. He kept saying how he
wanted a new door and if JP told anyone, he was going to kill
him. Funny stuff. After getting some food and about 3 rounds
of pool in which Anthony beat everyone even though he isn't
that good, we left BGSU and went back home. I was a little quiet
in the car, but it was because I was enjoying Anthony and JP's
conversation. They come up with the most funniest stuff I have
ever heard in my life. Sometimes, however, when they talk about
cars I tend to zone out.
When I got back, Sterling
was home. Soon after, all the roommates came back and asked
me where I had gone. I kind of disappeared without telling them
where I was going. I told them where I went and then I just
relaxed. Jen stopped over. After a while, everyone left except
for Jen, Franklin and I. Franklin took a shower while Jen and
I talked. Now, this is where some funny stuff starts happening.
Jen is standing a little distance away from me, but she is looking
at the computer. The door opens to the bathroom and Franklin
walks out with a towel on, something not so uncommon of him.
Both Jen and I kind of turn around for a second, but then we
turn back to the computer. I turn to look back at Jen and all
of a sudden, I see Franklin with his towel lower than it should
have been and I saw more of Franklin than I should have seen.
So time marches on and for some reason, Franklin refuses to
put clothes on. He just marches around in a towel. So at one
point when he is close to me, I try to snatch it off. At first
he is like, "No, don't do that." But I think once
he realized that there was a female in the room that he could
show himself off to, he was like, "I don't care."
Now, this is also the guy who said he would run down the hall
naked so I took him up on that dare and I snatched his towel
and ran into the hall. To my surprise, the guy comes out after
me, ass naked, and instead of taking the towel back, waits for
me to give it back to him. I did and he went back into the room.
So finally he goes into the bedroom, but still refuses to change
his clothes. Martina, a girl who lives down the hall from us,
comes in. she sits and talks to Jen for a moment when Franklin
peeks through the door to ask a question. Martina proceeds to
look through the crack of the door and sees Franklin in all
of his glory.
After Jen and I went
to get some food, she left to go to her own room. I get a message
from Cole to see if I want to hang. I say sure and that I will
be at his dorm at around 10pm. He says it's cool and I finish
eating. When I was done, I traveled over to his dorm. Before
I went to Cole's room, I stopped by Carl's, who is an Resident
Advisor in Cole's building. We chatted for a second and I saw
his chin was doing better. Cole was in his room chilling, wondering
where I was. We stayed there for a little while, but then went
to get some food. We talked about Theatre and he asked me about
my background as far as what lead to my coming to OSU and how
much I was paying. After, he asked if I wanted to walk to South
Campus with him to get some videos from his girlfriend's room.
I said sure and we walked. On the way we spoke more about theatre
and the show that he had recently seen. He said it was amazing
and that he wanted to go again. I have tickets for the closing
night, but I may go sooner than that. We got the movies and
headed back to Cole's dorm. We were going to watch them, but
we got into a discussion about The Passion of The Christ.
We had both seen it and had our views on it. We also spoke about
gay marriages which we both have the same stance on. I wish
I could have stayed longer but I had to work in the morning,
which was 4 hours away. I took my leave soon after and went
him. Cole is such a cool guy.
This has been an interesting
week to say the least. It had been mainly focused on yesterday
because that was when I had my audition for an OSU theatre performance.
After switching my monologue 3 times, I was finally ready to
show what I had. But I digress. Let me start from the beginning.
Tuesday I missed class.
It was the first time I over slept, which sucks because when
I miss something like Math, I feel horribly behind. Instead
of trying to rush to the class, I simply took my time getting
ready for my next class, Theatre 280. Ben and I walked there
together. Before class started, my instructor Jason, told me
that they added something to the audition process. After we
did our monologues, we would have to give our interpretation
of a cockroach. I thought he was joking, but he was serious.
But, back to the class. In that class, we are working on scenes
for a grade. We watched our fellow actors get on stage and kind
of practice what they had so far. A lot of folks were doing
really well, others weren't. One example of that was my group.
The thing is, we are the only group with three people in it.
So trying to set up time for us to rehearse our scene is almost
impossible and it showed when we got on stage. The one girl,
Andrea didn't remember her blocking and we had to stop. And
it isn't hurt fault, we just need to rehearse.
After Theatre 280 was
Theatre 100. It was being held upstairs because we were going
to be touring the Drake Union which housed two of OSU's theatres.
I was already there for my last class so all I needed to do
was walk upstairs. Drake is a nice building and I got to see
the backstage areas of it other than what I saw during class.
Afterwards, my friend Wade and I hung out. We walked all around
campus just talking. At one point he made copies of a report
he had to do. It's strange going to a school like this because
a freshman could be someone who is 18 or someone who is 40.
For the few weeks that I did know Wade, I never knew how old
the guy was or where he lived, but it turns out he is 23 and
he lives close to the school. He was also auditioning for the
show (competition). We found an empty room in the Ohio Union
and showed each other monologues that we knew. It was fun and
I love hanging out with the guy.
Later that night before
bible study, I went to see my friend Cole who lives on North
Campus near me. We were going to show each other our respective
monologues for the upcoming audition. Let me tell you, Cole
is a great actor. I didn't like his monologue choice, but the
guy still did his thing with it. We gave each other critiques
and I headed off to bible study.
Bible study was a very
interesting experience. This time we spoke about loving your
brother in Christ. The only problem was, Franklin was there
and most of the folks there knew that I didn't like him. It
was very strange and very contradictory of me to speak about
loving my brother in Christ, yet here I am feeling this strong
dislike toward this guy. The bad part was, I was making it known.
At the end, I was asked to go to a retreat and jokingly I said,
"I think I might be dead that day." Everyone laughed
and Franklin came in with, "I can make that happen."
My smile dropped and I said, "Why don't you make that happen
on yourself." The room got kind of quiet, but I didn't
care. There was also a time where he tried to huge me and like
before, I blocked it. A good thing that did come out of that
was the discussion Ben and I had about homosexuality. We came
up with some good ideas and I definitely took some stuff away
and so did he.
So Friday, the big day
came and I was getting a little nervous. I had seen some of
my competition in Wade and Cole and it was high. Cole and I
went over our stuff right before we planned to walk over to
Drake. Mostly, we just talked about different things going on.
As the bus pulled around to the building, we both got a little
nervous. He talked about his dry mouth and his continue need
to take a shit, which made me laugh. I knew that when I was
nervous, for some reason my saliva seem to become a lot thicker
and a lot more difficult to swallow. I also have this feeling
like I need to pee, so maybe he isn't that strange. We got there
about an hour early and we both started feeling out paper work.
They took my picture and then I waited. Cole seemed okay, but
he was just as nervous as I was. At one point I saw Jason and
we spoke for a second before I went upstairs. I also saw a lot
of other instructors from Theatre 100 auditioning. Bastards.
I would have to say that the worst part about the whole thing
was that I had to take off all my earrings. If you know me,
you know that I never take my earrings off. In fact, the only
time I have taken them out other than to clean them, was for
the Spirit of Diversity Job Fair and this audition. I even kept
them in when I went to South Bend. I just don't feel right without
them in. But I took them out and headed upstairs. I also took
off my glasses meaning I was blind. The lady who I waited with
in the hall before the audition was really nice. She really
made me feel at ease about this whole thing. I was right after
Cole so I could hear him doing his monologue. When he was finished,
she introduced me to the auditors (and I always thought they
were called auditioners) and I walked in.
It was just strange
the pace that it happened. It was very quick because they were
on a schedule. I said my intro and did my monologue. I think
I did well because one woman was responding to what I was saying,
which made it better. When my piece was done, I said thank you
and then they asked me to act like a cockroach. I did my interpretation
of a cockroach and said thank you again. The auditors asked
me a few questions about Mosaic and how I was involved in it.
I gave them a little background and they seemed pleased. They
asked me whether I sang and I said yes. Then basically, they
said thank you and I left. The guy after me seemed very nervous.
I walked out saying, "That was fun." When I went downstairs,
I saw Jason and asked him if he was nervous and he said he was.
I couldn't believe it, but I know he wouldn't lie. I saw Wade
their and spoke to him for a second and then Cole and I left.
Now, the real hard part.
The call backs would be posted that night at 11pm. Yes, Cole
and I would be making the trip back up. But after I got out
of the audition, I wanted a part bad. Before, I didn't really
care. I figured all the graduate students and instructors would
get it, but after being there, I wanted it more. I spent my
time back at the dorm bouncing around and waiting. Cole showed
up to my room at around 10:15 and we both headed downstairs
where his girlfriend and buddy were. His girl was playing piano
and we all listened to her for a while. She plays very beautifully.
When she was finished, we took a bus over to Drake. On it was
one of the instructors who auditioned to be in the show. He
was reading over the script. He told us that the list had been
posted. He asked our names and we told him and asked why. He
said he wanted to see if he remembered any of our names. We
all yelled, "No!" and started laughing. He wanted
to find out for ourselves. We got to Drake and the Vagina Monologues
had just gotten out. We all walked slowly over the list. I was
there and so was Cole. His girlfriend was also there. But then,
I was there again and so was Cole. And again. They wanted us
to read for more than one part the following day. They also
wanted us to read for a play called Identity. Cole and I were
so happy that we were jumping around screaming. I have 3 parts
to read for today and one tomorrow. Cole got about 5. I remember
us both wanting to get in the show. It would have sucked if
he got cast and I didn't or vice versa. But I am getting ahead
of myself. No one has been cast in the show yet, it is just
a reading for parts. There is a chance that we might not get
in. But at least we got this fare.
It has been almost a
week since I updated my journal (and unless something major
happens on the weekend, you can expect that this will be the
day I update) and things have not been too good. Don't get me
wrong, I have had some good days, but it just feels like a crappy
Monday was nice enough,
I guess. I studied for my first Math exam until about 12 at
night. I was sure that I knew almost everything, thanks to my
RA, Sahaja. I went in that day knowing that I should do okay,
but I was doubtful because every time that I thought I would
do okay, I got a D. Well, the test was pretty easy, only 10
questions with some broken down into A and B. I finished the
test in the allotted time and went back home. A few days later,
I got my score back online. A 62%. When I saw my actual test,
it turned out that I answered the really difficult questions
just fine. I had just made stupid mistakes the easy ones. I
messed up the first question by forgetting one step. I am very
upset about that because I know from past experience that it
will only get worse from here. Oh, well. Here's to next time.
I took another exam
in my Jcom 101 class. It was easy too, with its 50 questions,
which were all multiple choice. Some of the questions on it
seemed almost too easy. So easy, in fact, that I thought I missed
a few. You ever have that feeling when something is just too
easy that there is no way you could have gotten it right? That's
how I felt, and I was right. I checked my scores online. I got
a 68%. A friend of mine who also thought the exam was easy got
an even lower grade. Two blows in one week. I felt like crap.
I thought this would be the quarter that things would go so
right, but they aren't.
I went to bible study
with Ben again. It's so strange because as much as I like being
there, for some reason I just want to cry every time I go. I
don't know where the feeling comes from, but whenever we talk
about God...hell even when we don't I just feel the worst sadness
I have ever felt. I want to just go in the bathroom and cry.
It's nothing that they say or do. This time, we read from the
bible a little, but there wasn't much of a study going on. Danny
(bible study leader) told us that he wanted us to just spend
some time praying. He told us about 20 minutes. When I heard
this, I didn't know what to think. Generally when I pray, it's
not the, "Lord, I want you to keep blessing me and keeping
me in your heart" spiels. I just speak freely and reflect
on my day with Him. Half of the time, I fall asleep before I
finish. But, we got into small groups and we prayed. I was with
Ben and another guy named Josh, I believe. At times we prayed,
at times we sat in silence. It was an experience, but I just
which I could get over whatever it is I am feeling.
There has been some
better things going on. I wanted to meet people like me and
I did. There is this one guy named Wade who is in the Theatre
280 class down the hall from my Theatre 280. He is also in the
same Theatre 100 recitation as me. We had seen and spoken to
each other before, but never really paid attention to one another.
The other day, we both signed up to audition for a show that
the theatre department is putting on which is going to be a
lot of fun. In our Theatre 100 class, we were talking about
a play that both went to see (for our 280 class) and after general
discussion about that, our T.A. started class and we watched
a filmed play. After class was over, I went up to him and asked
him what monologue he was doing. He told me and offered me the
book, but I declined on reading it. We continued to converse
about the Nation of Islam (something that came up in the film)
until we got outside. He asked whether I had another class and
I told him that I didn't. He said that he wanted to keep talking
to me and we continue talking about many different topics, from
school or politics. Another guy is one who is actually in my
280 class named Cole. The dude is a genius on stage. I was watching
him the other day and I was just in awe on how quickly he developed
his character for his scene. I have competition.
So I bet your number
one question is, how are things between Franklin and I. Things
are okay. I still don't like the guy and I am counting down
the days before I don't have to live with him, but at least
we speak. He actually read my journal the other day and told
some folks that I hate him, which I don't care because it is
mostly true. We got our housing contracts the other day and
I filled mine out as soon as I found a pen. I turned it in the
next day requesting a super-double for next school year. It's
basically my room only with 2 people. Ben is still unsure about
where he is going to live and I just couldn't wait for the guy
to make up his mind. In the comments section, I just asked to
be put with someone who is into the arts. It was nice to room
with folks who are different from myself, but at times, that
can get kind of ...lonely, I guess would be a good word. Maybe
getting a totally new roommate would be a good idea. In addition,
I don't think Ben wanted to room with me anyway. I just wish
he had said something.
I really just can't
wait for this week to end. Quite honestly, I just want to go
home and see my mom. I am trying to find a weekend that I haven't
scheduled to work already. I don't feel good right now. I'm
not sick, I'm just not very happy and every time I go back to
that room or something else happens, things get worse. Maybe
next week will be better.
I have been at Ohio
State for more than a quarter and I thought I knew my surroundings
pretty well. These past few days have proved that I don't know
a whole lot about where I live and the people I encounter. This
was a good thing over the past few days and also a bad.
I went to bible study
again on Tuesday. It is becoming an increasingly interesting
experience each time that I go. I believe that the reason I
like going so much is because these people do not preach to
me. They are not telling me that I am going to hell or anything
like that and I respect it. This time, we spoke about legacies
and how we wanted to be remembered, not only after we leave
Ohio State, but also after we leave this world. We got into
some pretty deep stuff. And it's strange, I had some epiphanies
that night. They asked the question, what is the point of having
talents or being good at something if we are all going to die
no matter who we are? This question had a me floored because
I have always wondered it myself. The answer that the bible
gave us was that if you do these things through God, then it
makes what you can do worth it, even when you die. This kind
of made me think because as much as I want to save the world
through my writing or even inspire someone now, I never thought
to do it for God. I didn't want this big group to see my revelation,
but they did. I hope to make this a regular experience. For
the longest time, I have been praying for God to help me stop
being so analytical; to stop being such an extreme scientist
and for once just be a follower. It's happening now.
Wednesday, I went over
to the student paper and met with one of the campus editors,
telling her of my interest to write for the Lantern again. She
said that she would take my name and that if anything came up
that she would keep me in mind. It seemed like a easy way to
blow me off, but as soon as I got home, I got a phone call.
She wanted me to cover a lecture going on about diversity and
it was happening that day. I told her I would do it, even though
I had never covered a lecture story in my life. I asked her
what the lecture was about and she was unable to tell me. At
first, this scared me, but my mentor, Kelley Carter, told me
that this happened all the time in the real world so I decided
to just go with it. After my class, I headed over and listen
to the lecture. I got increasingly nervous when the school president
showed up. I got a few quotes from her, the speaker, and a few
of the students and then ran back to the Lantern because I was
on deadline. In about 30 minutes, I had a story to show to my
editor. She was impressed, telling me that I write very well
for a Freshmen (in fact, she couldn't believe I was a Freshmen).
The story ran the next day in the Lantern and I sent it to everyone.
Yesterday was just shocking
because of some events that went on. I'd say that yesterday
started off pretty well. I went to work at 3am and got off at
7am. I didn't have to go to class because Sterling and I were
alternating days that we went to lecture. I went to sleep and
didn't wake until 12. I basically sat on the computer for about
an hour and a half before my friend from downstairs named Monyett,
came to get me. We had begun working out at the Jesse Owens
Recreational Center the day before, so this would be our second
time going. I didn't want to go too much because I was still
tired, but I did. The place was packed. Probably because some
folks don't have classes on Friday. I wanted to go running on
the treadmill, but there was a wait for it. I waited and eventually
got on. I ran for about 20 minutes and was going to lift weights,
but there was a huge wait on the machines, so I decided to just
go back to the dorm. Now for some reason, the girls across the
hall have been frequenting out room more so than they did last
quarter. I never really paid attention to them until this week.
They are named Megan and Heather (you can find their pictures
in the College
Photo Fun page). They came and hung out in hour room for
a while before I took my shower. Those girls are great because
they compliment each other so well, with their wacky personalities.
One would think that they had been friends all of their lives,
but they only met this year. We all joked around a while until
they got hungry and went to get some food. I went to take my
Now I don't know how
it started, but somehow, Ben and I were going to be going to
the movies with Megan, Heather and her boyfriend. We were going
to take his car, but then decided not to go and just watch a
movie in their room. Heather's boyfriend, Brandon, wanted food
before the movie and so they all went for food and I waited
back at the dorm for them come back. Now, I'm chilling in the
room when I hear Franklin and Jessica (the girlfriend) arguing.
Not just that regular arguing, like they were really going at
it. Now lately, Franklin has just been in a bad mood, but he
wouldn't tell us why. Quite honestly, I could have cared less.
So they fight and I decide to listen to some music. One song
went off and I ask, "What song should I play next?"
Sterling, being the jokester he is says, "Let's listen
to silence." All of a sudden Franklin starts yelling and
cursing saying, "Yeah, because your music is pissing me
off. I swear to God man, I am seriously gonna swing on you if
you don't turn that shit off." Now, I am thinking, what
the hell is wrong with you, but I don't just take this from
him. I told him that if he wants my music off then he can just
ask, but he will never threaten me like that again. Sterling
goes on to make jokes and what not and Franklin continues his
game. Jessica eventually comes back and wants to talk. the tension
between them is just rough. She talks to him in the room and
they argue or make up, whatever.
Soon, the gang came
back and I tell them what just happened. They were just as amazed
as I was, but I didn't care. I was just ready to watch this
movie. Franklin and Jessica eventually come out the room, but
by then, I am in Heather and Megan's room looking for stuff
to buy over the internet (I needed a book bag). Franklin says
something smart to me and I just ask him, "What did I do
to you today?" "You were born," he replied (which
is a joke I tell to people all the time that he tries to use
on me). This goes on for a few seconds and I just say, "You
know, I don't know what your problem is, but I have no said
anything to you today. The only thing I've ask was if you were
okay. Anything else, I haven't said." He must have thought
about it because he tried to apologize and give me a hug to
kind of lighten the situation. After I got cursed out in the
room, I wasn't feeling that and I told him that he was cool
and moved my arm in his way so that he didn't touch me. After
a few tries, he gave up and said, "Well fuck you then."
He proceeded to try and crack jokes on me, but Franklin's jokes
are whack so no one really laughed. I just ignored him because
now more then ever, he was acting like a child. It seemed like
he wanted to watch the movie with us, but he just ended up back
in the room playing games.
Now, you know I have
to do my in-depth analysis. Franklin and I have been going at
it since day one. It started off as the simple sarcasm that
I had and him trying to match it. I guess you could call it,
myself enjoying the fact that I could mock that star athlete
that was always an ass hole in High School (not that all athletes
are ass holes, just a few). As time progressed though, things
got worse. It never amounted to an argument or a fight. We basically
just took stabs at each other. Now, Sterling is jokester in
our room. My sarcasm can make a person laugh, but it can also
be very hurtful. Sterling's is always funny and the only reason
it would be hurtful is if everyone is laughing at you. That
day, Sterling had been cracking jokes on Franklin and Jessica
and was getting away with it. However, when I said something
or even laughed, Franklin tried to diss me. I don't know, call
it the easy way out or whatever, but that's what he was doing.
That night, I had not done anything. In fact, I was just sitting
at my computer playing music and looking for a book bag. Franklin
had just argued with Jessica and didn't win at all (it was a
stalemate) and said that they were broken up. It seemed like
his temper was already high so the first thing he got irritated
at, he went off on. You know what happened after that. Sterling
made light of the situation and added me in it right in front
of Franklin's face, but he remained without comment. Surprise,
Surprise. Franklin just wants to embarrass someone publicly
for some reason. Can we say, Self esteem problem? Not to say
that the guy is insecure about himself, but he seems to have
wanted the entire room laughing at me and he couldn't get it
that way. Inside, I was laughing my ass off because he seriously
looked like a child (hey I will admit that I can take pleasure
in other people's misfortune). The thing is, he only "sees"
when I am sarcastic to him. It's all out of fun and I never
do it when the moment is serious. There have been times when
I actually give the guy advice and talk to him in a very serious
manner, but he just couldn't see that yesterday.
After what happened
yesterday, I don't really want to go back to the room and interact
with him. After we all watched the movie, I went over and played
a game with one of the guys I work with. I stayed until about
3:00am and then went to sleep. I got up and went to work at
7am and I will stay until 11. When I get back, I am going to
take a nap but later, I am going to find somewhere to go so
that I don't have to be in that room. The thing is, now I don't
like the guy at all. Before it was a simple, we get on each
others nerves sometimes, but I feel lucky to have you as a roommate
because we haven't killed each other, thing. Now, I could
give a fuck-less if I ever see this guy again. To tell the honest
truth, for the past few days, I have seriously found this extreme
dislike for this guy, but I have broken my legs to respect him.
Both he and his girlfriend can go back to D.C. and I will be
The whole Martin Luther
King birthday three day weekend is over, and I have come out
of it feeling refreshed, but oddly uncomfortable. I guess you
could say that I am uncomfortable with being here, but it's
kind of hard to explain, so I will try the best I can. First,
this is what I did.
Friday, I only have
one class and it is early in the morning. Unfortunately, I started
my day off at 3am for work. Let me tell you, I had not prepared
myself for that. I would be working from 3am to 7am and going
to my lecture/class at 8:30. Well, working was not fun at all,
but when your eyes are on a big, black SUV, you don't care what
hours you get, as long as you get them. When I got off, I went
back to the dorm and waited for the roommates to get up. Sterling
has the class with me so after he dressed, we headed on over.
Let me tell you, lecture for math is boring. In fact, this was
the second time I fell asleep in lecture. The first time, I
was fully rested and I fell asleep. This time I slept for most
of the class and when I woke up, it was close to the time to
go. I had full intension of heading back to the dorm and sleeping
for the rest of the day, but did I? No. For some odd reason,
I never made it to my bed. Once I started playing "Age
of Mythology" a game that I am horribly addicted to, I
couldn't step away. I stayed in that room for the majority of
the day. Soon, Sterling came home and we both decided to head
to the office of fees and deposits to get our checks. Along
came my RA, Sahaja, and a girl who lives down the hall named
Liz. After receiving and cashing the checks, I made my way home.
Sterling went to a music store. I stayed in the dorm for the
rest of the day.
The next day was pretty
much the same. I slept for a very long time since I had a lack
of sleep the day before. I also had to work that night from
11pm to 7am. Jen and I went to Target, but after that, I stayed
in the room again. I even went to sleep until it was time for
me to go to work. The shift wasn't that difficult because I
was working with a great girl named Mandy. We kept each other
awake and made the time fly. We also discussed a lot of things
that were going on in the world. She and I are a lot alike.
But as you can probably tell by the pattern, when I got back
home, I went to sleep. For the day, I didn't really leave the
room. Same for Monday.
It was Monday that it
happened. I was sitting down either playing that damn game or
reading something for Theatre 100 when Ben and Jessica (Franklin's
girlfriend) asked me to go to Jesse Owen's recreational center
with them. It turned out the guys were going to play basketball
and Jessica was going to run. I told them that I didn't want
to. Then Franklin asked for me to go and play Basketball. I
told him that I didn't want to. Ben said that I sat in the room
for the whole weekend and that I needed to go out somewhere
and that I should be active (something to that effect). Of course
Jessica agreed and said that if I didn't want to play basketball
then I could run with her. I told her that I would be going
the next day so I really didn't want to. Some how, Franklin
turned this all into a joke on me, which was cool. But then
it turned into the whole room making it a joke. I won't lie
and say that I wasn't hurt. Not so much by them, but by something
All of my life, people
have always told me that I need to go out and do something.
It was all about being active. When I was a kid, they wanted
me to get away from the TV. Soon the TV turned into the video
game. That turned into the computer. It seemed like everything
that I liked doing was horrible for me and that they wanted
to set up what I did. I have been told to play sports so many
times that if I had a dollar for every time it was mention,
I would have tuition money for myself and my future children.
But no one understands.
Why is it so wrong for me to hate sports or hate some of the
things normal guys like to do?
My mom learned eventually.
After I joined the Mosaic Youth Theatre of Detroit and became
one of the best actors and soon after, assistant director in
addition to being the Editor-in-Cheif of my school paper (among
other accomplishments), that I wasn't lazy at all. It was just
that my talents and interests did n't lie in sports. After all
of that, she didn't care what I did and it was the best feeling
in the world. Acceptance.
But then, that day,
I heard what I had been hearing for so many years. That I don't
do anything. I could tear apart everything that each of them
do, not to knock them, but to break it down to what they are
simply doing. Sterling works more than anything. It takes him
about an hour and a half to reach his job by bus, so when he
needs to be at work from 5 to 9, he is out of the room from
about 3 or 4 until 11. Any other time, he is down the hall playing
video games or relaxing in someone else's room. I work too,
but it only takes me a few seconds to get there because it is
down the road. No one sees that. Franklin used to have track
practice, but that disappeared with his GPA. Now, he basically
stays around Jessica. If she wants to go somewhere, he goes
with her. He also goes and works out or parties, so I guess
he would be the busiest person on the room. Maybe that's why
his GPA is so low. But once again, those are things I am not
interested in. Ben is devoted to basketball and will practice
every night. He also goes to an organization called Real Life,
Christian fellowship group.
It just seems like things
they are interested in are more easily accessible. There are
four open recreation centers that they can go to any time they
want to do what they love. There is no outlet like that for
me. I can only freelance for the Lantern (school paper), which
is what I am currently doing. I only get one story a week at
the most. Acting? I have to audition for a show which doesn't
guarantee me a spot. I hear even less of choirs or singing groups
than I do of the other two.
Right now, I just want
to stop being criticized. That day was like a relapse for me
and I felt like what I was interested in wasn't good enough.
Out of habit, I felt lower than the rest of them because they
knew how to play basketball and all I was good at was writing
or having fun on stage. I just don't think they get that them
teasing me for not being interested in things they are is like
me doing to same thing about things I like. I would love to
see any of them try to direct a show (something I have done
frequently at home).
I think I just need
different people to hang around. In my Theatre 280 class, I
have met a lot of people who are into drama just as much as
I am. If I can get past this wall that I build up, maybe I will
ask for some email addresses and we can all do something. Who
I said that when I came
here that I wouldn't conform. I said that I would just stop
accepting people as friends even though they have nothing in
common with me. I have no desire to discontinue that. The friends
I have made so far are my friends because they are what I am
looking for. They are not people who will force me to be a certain
way or to like the same things they do. Anthony and his friends
are into cars like they are drugs (remember, they hang at Pep
Boys). I am not into cars as much as they are, but they don't
hold it against me. If anything, they fill my head with what
certain parts do and how they want to buy it. I remember the
day of the Ohio State vs. Michigan game. They also played football
that day. Of course, I couldn't play and had no intention to.
But Anthony didn't look at me and say that I was lame for not
doing it. He was totally cool with it and when paces changed,
I joined in on something different. Another time, his friend
JP played the piano so I started singing a song called "Hemorrhage."
They also had a Mario Party, party and I played participated
No pressure from him
and that's why I bug him to hang out. Maybe I need to stop acting
as if my roommates are my friends. Don't get me wrong, I love
being around them, but I feel like I am settling again just
because they are there. I guess it will be one of those things
that we will have to see about.
I got a call on Monday.
It was the recruiter from the South Bend Tribune offering me
an internship at their paper! I could not believe what I was
hearing. I was shocked. The thing is, it is very rare that a
freshmen in college gets a summer internship. Papers really
want someone who has worked on their school paper for about
a year before they hire them to work as a reporter. When they
interviewed me, I had only been in college for 2 months and
pumped out only 1 story for my school paper. But I guess through
my enthusiasm (yeah, I did drive 3 hours to Indiana just for
a 2 hour interview), they decided to take me. Kelley, my mentor
at the Detroit Free Press, said that she did a reference check
and said that I interviewed like a junior or senior. I just
hope I write like one. Anyway, I am going to be heading there
this summer when I am off from school and spending my summer
in South Bend, Indiana. I am a little nervous because I will
be in a new place again. I will also be paying rent from the
money that I make. We'll see how it goes.
Yesterday was a change
from the norm. I went to bible study with my roommate Ben, which
is something that a lot of my friend would tell you was not
something I do. In fact, a lot of times people believe that
I am an Atheist because I like to debate and attack many people's
views of Christianity. Also because I don't like when people
preach to me (especially when they have not gone to Seminary
to be a preacher) and I take a big enjoyment of telling them
that they are wrong. But I guess I can see why people may think
that I don't believe in God. I sure as hell don't do anything
to show that I do unless you get me into a conversation about
it. I don't go to church and I don't go to any type of Christian
activities here on campus. I hate Gospel music and modern Christian
Rock too. Heh, I don't even care for most Christians half (or
more) of the time. But I do have faith.
So yesterday, after
Ben finished eating at the commons, we both headed over to the
lobby of the Nosker residence hall. There were only a few people
who had shown up, but Ben told me that almost no one came on
time (I didn't know that white people could run on CP time).
After only a few minutes of sitting down, people began to pile
in. I didn't know a lot of these people, but I did know one
guy named Danny who was one of Ben's friends. He would often
come to our room for an organization call Real Life, a student
Christian group. After a while, he and Ben became cool and started
hanging out. Danny knew me from just seeing me and speaking
to me all the time and so it was cool to see someone familiar.
He sat down and everyone began to converse on different topics.
Ben was one of the topics of discussion because they were trying
to set him up with some girl. Ben turned about the color of
an Ohio State shirt,
which I thought was funny. But after a few more people showed
up, it was time to get down to business. The women separated
from the men and went to the other side of the room and so it
Ben opened us with a
prayer and after everyone said, "Amen" Danny handed
out a few flyers. Now there is one thing about Danny that I
thought was strange for a long time. In fact whenever he called
for Ben, I would say, "The crazy guy called." Of course
Ben would laugh, but tell me that he wasn't. Danny is a big
guy. Not so much fat, but he is very tall and has a little size
to him. To see someone that big with as much energy is scary.
At times, he can be a big kid, but when he was leading bible
study, he was very different. He still joked around, but that
was cut to a minimum. I saw a different person in this guy and
it made me want to be there. Our topic of discussion was "Men
of Faith = Men of Action."
I won't go into too
much detail about the study. Maybe I will write an "Issue"
piece about it along with my faith and my problems with it,
but damn, we had a great talk. I think we all came to the conclusion
that you have to be willing to act to really be faithful to
God. Not to say that everyone will have to be called to action,
but...if you notice, folks in the bible were willing to give
up their temporary happiness for something more. Even if you
don't believe in the bible, all the great people in the world
that we know to be real gave up their lives for something greater.
When Danny asked us who were some of the greatest men to ever
walk the Earth, I said Malcolm X. He was truly a great man because
he realized his mistakes and was still willing to fight for
his fellow man for equality. His own people ended up murdering
him, but he still gave up his way of life for something better.
I am not sure if I am
going to go back next week. If Ben invites me, then I will go.
I don't know.
So it has only been
a day since my last update. I am sitting here at the front desk
of the Norton/Scott dorm complex working so I thought it would
be cool just to update the site ...again.
I am pretty proud of
the hours that I picked up this past week. I had eight hours
during the week and eight on the weekend. It's seriously had
not being able to go places or sleep in because of work, but
every time I have bad thoughts, I just think about my upcoming
new used SUV. It's so strange because at night, I think about
it. What it will be like to go to the dealer and see a Black
Explorer XLT sitting right in front of me. I imagine starting
up the engine and hearing the perfect hum of the engine. Then
I think about driving it back to school Spring Quarter and being
able to make the trip alone. I think about how I will finally
have a CD player in the car permanently and not having to deal
with those damn "Car ready" portable CD players. I
can just hear Kina's voice proclaiming independence as I travel
down the barren OH-23 Highway. It's going to be nice and I can't
wait to get it. What I don't imagine is the gas prices. It's
going to be kind of difficult to go from a 34 miles per gallon
on the freeway and 26 miles per gallon on the street Escort
to a 21 mile per gallon on the free way and 18 miles per gallon
on the street Explorer. But I guess the need for a bigger car
is why the Explorer is the best selling SUV of all time.
Lately all I have been
doing is looking at Explorers. The one I was eyeing in the Detroit
area has been sold, but there is no worries on that because
I didn't have the money to buy it anyway. I have been looking
all over the nation for what things I want in my new used car.
Question: Why are all the really good SUV's more than 300 miles
from me? Don't I live in the Motor Capital of the world? But,
like I said, I don't have the money yet.
Omicron (the laptop)
will be paid off soon, as I am sending the check off on Monday.
Now I know how my mother feels when paying bills. It feels great
because you don't have that bolder on your back but at the same
time, you are letting go over $1,000. But I don't regret my
purchase. If I didn't have this then I don't think my story
"Exile" would ever be finished. At least this way,
when I am at work or anywhere my desktop is, I can write. Yep,
Dell makes some nice computer.
So I got sick yesterday.
I mean, really sick. All I remember is waking up and my throat
hurting, no biggie. Then I went out with Ben, Sterling, and
the girl who lives next door to us named Martina. For some reason,
her driving was making me car sick. It was okay because I figured
it would go away eventually. We went into Wal-Mart and I was
totally fine. Despite the soar throat, I was okay. But as Martina
continued to shop, I became impatient and both Ben and I were
ready to leave. I thought it was that which made my head hurt.
So once again, I thought all my pains would go away once I got
back to the dorm. On the way back, Martina's driving made me
feel even worse and I ended up falling asleep in the back seat.
When we got back to the dorm, I did some washing and some writing
and I was feeling the effects of my car sickness. I was going
to simply go to sleep and when I woke up, I would feel better,
but that never happened. I woke up feeling worse than before.
I was dizzy, sleepy and my head and throat were throbbing. Soon
Jen came over and gave me some food to eat so that I could take
something (She is so cool).
When I went to bed,
I was okay. My head was feeling a little better and the dizziness
had gone away. I had to work the next morning so I went to sleep
fully dressed. I woke up the first time at 3am to use the bathroom.
I was okay that time. I felt that all my pains had returned,
but I didn't take anything. I woke up every hour after that.
The second time, I woke up shivering uncontrollably. I was freezing
even though the room was quite warm. The next time I woke up,
I was burning up. It went on like that until I woke up for the
final time. It was about 5:30am and I made my trip to the bathroom.
Ben scared the crap out of me because he was awake and sitting
on the floor in the front room watching one of my DVD's (he
had watched the Color Purple the
day before and started on the Shawshank Redemption. I was glad
I wasn't the only person who cried while watching the Color
Purple). I went back in the room
and just lay there. At first, I was thinking about my Explorer,
but then my mind started venturing to other things like my days
at the Mosaic Youth Theatre of Detroit. It was weird because
I was half asleep and half awake.
When the alarm went
off, I got up and pretty much went to work. I saw that Jessica
was sleeping in our room again. I left out thinking about just
calling in sick and going back to my half asleep half awake
state, but I remembered that SUV and went anyway. It's amazing
how some things can just drive a person to work harder. Whenever
I have a goal, I work so hard on it, but if there is no finish
line, I take my time. Right now, I am focused on that SUV and
getting it before spring quarter. We'll see.
Yes, the little one,
Jessica, is back in our room. Things aren't exactly as hostile
as it was before, but I still don't like the girl. Well, I guess
I am split between two things. Jessica is a cool person to be
around sometimes. But the last thing I want is another roommate.
I can already see the room returning to it's former state with
her and Franklin's stuff littering the floor. Whatever, only
one quarter to go.
I emailed Ben (because
I am a wimp and don't like face to face confrontations) asking
him if he would room with me next year if he didn't move off
campus. He later told me that he wasn't sure of what he would
do. He said that he didn't want to move in with the guys he
had planned to move in with, but he was still praying about
it. He said he will probably decide at the last minute. Now,
I don't think that leaves me out for the count. Ben and I are
real cool and I am sure that next year, we will still be friends
(there are some people I probably won't talk to ever again unless
I have to). I know that living with a person for another years
is a hard decision to make and to tell you the truth, if he
did tell me no, I wouldn't hold it against him. I mean, if you
knew Ben, you would see why. I have a really dirty mouth and
I know that it can annoy him to all hell sometimes. I also know
that there are some other things that I do that could annoy
him, but I am hoping that those things won't turn the guy away.
If I don't room with Ben, then I will be entered into the random
drawing for room mates again. That would be messed up because
I could be paired with someone I cannot stand or even worse,
put in a quad again.
I think that's all I
have to report on. I am tired and have 2 and a half hours to
go. Until next time.
It sure is nice to be
back here at The Ohio State University. After being home for
so long, I needed to get back to my normal routine. I officially
have class with every single one of my roommates, which is good
and bad. I see the guys enough when we are at the dorm, now
I have to see them in class too. It's strange though because
Ben and I were the only ones who actually planned to be in the
same class, Theatre 280. But edition to that, Sterling and I
are in Math 104, and Franklin and I are in Theatre 100 together.
The only class I have to myself is Jcom 101.
I am loving not only
my schedule, but my actual classes too. It works so well with
my daily life here at OSU. Even my work schedule works out.
Since most of my classes are in the morning, I go to work in
the early morning. Mostly 5am to 7am at the Norton/Scott dorm
complex. I am loving this quarter
The other day, I found
out that my friend Anthony would be losing his job because the
store that he works at is going to be closing. He works at an
entertainment store here in Columbus as a manager and he has
been there forever. I found it strange that he isn't to worried
about his future unemployment. But if you ask me, I think he
needs a break. Every time I used to ask this guy to go somewhere,
he always said he had to work. Well, now he has no excuse.
Anyway, like most stores
that go out of business, Anthony's store had a going out of
business sale. He asked me if there were any movies I wanted
and me being the geek I am, I started naming off some of the
crappy movies that I love (before I got back to OSU, I went
to Walmart and they were selling crappy movies for $5. I bought
Spice World and Mortal Kombat Annihilation). I was shocked that
when I requested movies such as, The Craft and Mortal Kombat
(the original movie), he said that they had them. He even put
them aside when he went back to work. We made plans to head
up there so that I could look around and see what was left of
Anthony came and got
me along with his friend Jon-Paul. I sat in the back and listened
to them crack jokes as we rode up high street. Having both of
them together in one car is hilarious because they don't care
what they say. I was shocked by a few things that came out their
mouths and I won't repeat them here, but I still laughed so
hard that I was about to cry.
When we arrived at Anthony's
place of work, I saw that the store had been pretty worked over.
People had been there buying hundreds of DVD's and CD's. Anthony
said that a guy had come in the day before and bought a rather
tall stack of DVD's. Anthony himself had close to $200 in movies
that he had put aside for himself. I figured that since they
still had a few movies left over, I might as well look around.
The store sold new and used movies. New movies were 20% off
and used ones were 50% off. After I got Mortal Kombat and The
Craft, I saw a lot of other movies that I loved. Contact was
one of the best movies I had ever seen so I had to get that.
Then I saw The Blair Witch Project and some rare movies like
The Last Broadcast, the movie that the Blair Which people got
their idea from. I was in movie heaven, but I was brought back
to earth when it was time to go. I paid for my 6 movies, which
came out to about $30 and we headed out.
JP and Anthony were
hungry, as usual, so we headed over to McDonald's. On the way,
Anthony told us a story about same kids that would play stupid
jokes on him while he was working, so to get them back, when
they tried to leave the store, he put a censor up to the alarms
at the front door when they passed through. He said they were
terrified when he asked them what they took. After he had held
them in the store for a few minutes, he told them what he had
done and not to mess with him again. I'm sure they didn't come
McDonald's was definitely
an experience. When we got in line for food, we saw the manager
of the store cursing out the guy taking the orders, telling
him that he was going too slow. In fact, it seemed like the
whole staff was doing that and he really wasn't doing anything
wrong. I was ready to say something to the manager, but it was
a good day so I didn't. I watched the dynamic duo devour a large
amount of hamburgers and chicken sandwiches. I didn't think
it was humanly possible for people to eat that much. I mean,
I thought they were from Ethiopia from the way that they ate.
On way too many occasions, JP spat food on me...not on purpose
of course. I eventually moved to escape the spray. Anthony's
friend Chris came after a while too. He was the first of Anthony's
friends that I met back when I first asked to hang with him
on Homecoming weekend.
The places these guys
hang out is just strange to me. We went over across the street
to Pep Boys to look at car stuff. Now, ordinarily, I would have
been bored, but because I will be buying an Explorer soon, I
was more than interested in seeing what type of things I could
put on my new baby. Inside, my main focus was lights and sounds.
I wanted the cool blue headlights that some of the newer cars
sport and the neon blue ground lights (which are illegal in
Detroit. In Columbus they are legal, but the colors Blue and
Red might be illegal because they are Police colors. I will
be checking the laws on them before I purchase the lights).
The lights themselves are expensive, about $200. If I like my
Explorer enough, however, you can bet that I won't mind investing
in it. Anthony, JP, and Chris looked around and talked about
stuff that have no idea was about. Anthony made sure that he
explained most of it though. Anthony had found himself a little
bike that he wanted. It looked like a mini-motor cycle. I thought
it was crap because it only went at the maximum 21 miles per
hour. He still wanted it. When we were done at Pep Boys, Chris
split and the rest of us headed to JP's house so that he could
take a crap. His grandmother only spoke Spanish so the class
that I failed did come in handy.
It was time for me to
head back to campus after that so we went. JP was on some type
of drug because he was acting crazy in the back seat. He turned
everything we did into a Rock song. It was hilarious. Anthony
did a very good impression on Gollum in the Lord of the Rings.
Both of them are retarded.
In other news, I went
with my friend Jennifer and her friend Dennis when they went
ice skating. Now, I've gone ice skating with Jennifer before
and I knew that I wasn't stepping foot on the ice. I just wanted
to see the guy Dennis skate. Jennifer told me how good he was
so often that I needed to see it. He actually was a good skater.
A guy tried to hit on him but he maintained that he was straight...riiight.
2004. It's even strange
to type. And so one year ends and another begins. It's strange
because just like Christmas, it's losing it's magic too. I was
just looking at Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve show and
it was 15 minutes before the ball in Times Square was to drop.
My eyes were not glued to the TV to watch the clock count down.
They were on a game that I got for Christmas. To me, that game
was more interesting than the date changing. Messed up, huh?
You can tell I am starting
to get old and feeble because I am starting to have traditions.
For Christmas, I watched the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas
Story and for New Years, I watch the 24 hour marathon of
The Twilight Zone. What will life be like when I am
old? But I like these little traditions. It gives me something
to commit to, plus I love the shows.
So I guess it's time
to do the cheesy, "What I expect out of the New Year"
stuff that everyone else does. My first move will be to get
better grades. I used to post my grades on this site but forget
that now. My first quarter did not go as planned, but next quarter,
I know what to expect. I also hope that I get a summer internship
at either the South Bend Tribune in South Bend, Indiana or the
Lima News in Lima, Ohio. Receiving this would mean more internships
in the future. If I don't get one, I don't know what I will
do with my summer. Maybe freelance. Heh, ever since I was a
kid, I have wanted to work at Cedar Point as a ride operator,
but this whole Journalism thing has sent that dream straight
to hell ...excuse the language.
Another goal I have
this year is to buy a new (used) car. Specifically, a '96 to
'98 Black Ford Explorer for under $6,000. I have actually found
quite a few. What I plan to do is save up my money until I get
$1,000 or more and then trade in my car for $2,000. That way,
I will only have $3,000 or less to pay off. My plan is to put
$100 in the bank every time I get a check, whether it is from
my job or from my dad. At the same time, I will be trying to
pay off Omicron (the laptop). For some reason, I am very serious
about this. Currently, I am broke after paying on Omicron and
other costs. But technically, I have another $100 I could play
with. I just hope I can find the Explorer that I want during
Well, it's about time
for me to log off...or at least stop writing on here. Happy