Title: Femme Bowl

Author: longbeachtrekstar ( )

Series: All 5

Codes: f (many), humor

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek. This is not for profit, just for fun.

Archiving: FFF, ASCEM, others please ask.

Feedback: Yes please, here or by email.

Note: The Lingerie Bowl is a silly idea in real life, but it works just fine here. "Silver Labia" trademarked by Femme Fuh-q Enterprises, Ltd., a division of T'Lin Industries.

Written for lucky Round XIII of the Femme Fuh-q Fest --

Summary: Football was never this much fun.


by longbeachtrekstar, January 2004

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the first annual Femme Bowl, here at Q Continuum Stadium. Thanks to our hosts, the Q Continuum, ladies from throughout Federation history have been brought together for a no-holes-barred, all-positions-encouraged game of American Football.

Quarterbacking the Red Team is Kathryn Janeway. The rest of her team includes Beverly Crusher, Kira Nerys, B'Elanna Torres, Nyota Uhuru, and two non-Starfleeters with single names -- Kes and T'Pol.

At the quarterback position for the Gold Team is Tasha Yar. The rest of her team consists of Deanna Troi, Christine Chapel, that Borg chick Seven of Nine, Hoshi Sato, Janice Rand, and Jadzia Dax. A lot of blonde hair on that team -- I can see why they're Gold. And of course, I guess the Red Team makes sense too.

Officiating at our game is the Q Continuum representative, Suzie Q. I know the Q have never been modest, but you'd think she'd wear *something* in front of millions of viewers. I guess she's just an exhibitionist at heart. As for the players, check out those uniforms! No helmets or shoulder pads to obstruct our ogling. Those half-shirts sure are cute -- color-coded red and gold. With no bras allowed, those shirts barely cover some of our bigger-chested players. Look at Seven -- I can see the bottom of her twins from here. (Excuse me while I drool.) In fact, I'm told Q will monitor the temperature throughout the game and keep it cool enough for maximum nipple definition. Careful girls -- it's only fun until someone loses an eye!

The rest of the uniforms include red or gold sneakers and black panties, although some of our players have chosen to go with the optional thongs. And those little black stripes below everyone's eyes are cute too. But it looks like Tasha's going for that Lisa Left-eye look with just one stripe.

Okay, we're ready to start. Looks like Janeway pulled rank and wants to receive. (Doesn't she always?) Jadzia kicks off, and she's a beauty! Her kick wasn't bad either -- her leg went *all* the way up, and I'm here to tell you, those spots go *all* the way down! B'Elanna takes it deep. (Doesn't she always? Okay, I'll stop now.) She returns it to the thirty-five, where Seven flattens her with a hard hit. As they get up, they exchange some words -- no love lost between those two (but I hear sex isn't out of the question).

Janeway steps up behind Crusher to take the snap. Hmm, it's a long count. What going on? Janeway is playing with Crusher's pussy! Suzie Q blows the whistle. (See? No joke from me here.) Delay of game, flashing penalty. The Red Team must flash the crowd. There they go! Oh, mama, look at that. Go, team, go!

Janeway finally takes the snap, hands off to Uhura. Tasha and Hoshi take her down. Uh-oh, some collateral damage on the field. B'Elanna's top got ripped open blocking Seven. She's out there swinging free, but she doesn't seem to mind. After all, she also chose to go with a thong. Next play, Janeway drops back. She airs it out to Kes, who's heading for the end zone. She catches it! Chapel takes her out, sending her ass-over-tits. Wow, that Ocampan sweetie has the tightest ass I've ever seen. But she holds onto the ball -- touchdown!

Losers walk, so the Gold Team is jogging to the other end. What a lovely site. And speaking of tight asses, T'Pol will kick off for Red. Seven receives it and begins her return behind the Gold Team flying wedge. What a collision! Seven goes down (ha!) beneath a pile of players. Looks like more skirmishing -- it's B'Elanna again. She's ripped open Seven's shirt in retribution. Oh well, it wasn't like it was covering much to begin with. Looks like it was just a case of tit for tat -- or in this case, tit for even more tit.

"Oh... my... God... she's GORGEOUS!" Hmm, we picked up something on our stadium mike. Scanning the crowd, we see Dick Solomon, the High Commander, is here watching the game. Who's that next to him, his date? She, I mean he, um, appears to be a transsexual. It's Starbuck, from Battlestar Galactica. Apparently s/he doesn't know anymore if s/he is a guy or a girl. But they're both sure ogling the Borg.

Seven bends over to snap the ball. She's having trouble working around those boobs of hers. And from this angle, it looks like everyone on the field is a Tight End, even the defense. Everyone except Janice, that is. Why is she on her back with her legs spread? Oh, apparently someone told her to get into the Wide Receiver position. Tasha is explaining it to her now. Janice giggles and blushes. (This blonde moment brought to you by Orion Jet-Dildos, now with Jackhammer setting.)

Seven snaps it to Yar. Tasha hands off to Troi. Crusher wraps her arms around the Betazed, grabbing her tits. Deanna wriggles free, leaving her shirt behind. Look at her run! She gonna give herself two black eyes that way. Beverly is pursuing but falling behind. Deanna slows down -- looks like she *wants* to be caught! Beverly catches her, and they both collapse to the ground in a giggling twosome. Tasha comes running up, angry. She's yelling at her teammate, but Deanna kisses her on the lips and slips a hand between her legs. Suddenly, Tasha isn't so angry anymore.

The crowd goes wild -- they love it. Hey, look over there. It's Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. Looks like Spock has some popcorn, but Kirk is really working on that foot-long hotdog. He's got mayonnaise smeared all over his face. Really, who puts mayo on a hotdog? He smiles and elbows Spock as they see themselves on the Jumbotron. Spock just raises an eyebrow, while Kirk is mugging for the camera. What a pair.

Back on the field, the teams line up on the scrimmage line. Yar steps up to the line, and Suzie must have lowered the temperature, 'cause Tasha looks like she could cut glass with those nips of hers. She takes the snap and pitches it to Troi. The Red Team is going after her. No, it's a fake! Tasha still has the ball -- she's heading for the end zone. Hmm, Crusher from the Red Team is still chasing Troi anyway -- those two should get a room. Tasha's pushing through the line, but Kira grabs her. Yar's breaking free, but Kira's got a hold of her panties -- oh, off they come. Tasha runs the ball into the end zone for the score. Look at her do her little end zone dance. It's now easy for the rest of us to see that she's a natural blonde. (I'm thinking a lot of the other girls down there already knew that.) Boy, it's getting hard to tell the teams apart with so many uniforms getting ripped off.

Jadzia kicks off again, and this time it's Kira returning it. She's tackled at the twenty five -- and there's a fumble! Everybody dives into the pile, and there's lots of squirming and groping going on, let me tell you. Hey, there's the ball laying over there. No one seems to care, though -- they're just squirming and groping. Suzie has to blow the whistle again.

Janeway lines up behind her center. Kes and T'Pol each take a three-point stance in the backfield, putting their pretty little butts in the air -- and those panties are really riding high between their cheeks. Janeway calls the snap-count, and Kes and T'pol bounce up and change positions. Mmm, talk about a backfield in motion! Janeway hands off to T'Pol, who tucks the pigskin under her tits -- lucky pigskin! She plunges into the line, where she is taken down hard by Seven.

Suzie Q blows the whistle. (That's not all she blows! I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.) Penalty against Seven -- let's listen to the call. "Personal ffoul, Gold Team, Number, uh, Seven. Hands to the pussy. Spanking penalty." There you have it -- hands to the pussy. Hmm, interesting hand signal for that call, by the way. This one's a spanking penalty. Seven bends over on the fifty-yard line. Suzie Q rips off her panties. (We sure are going through a lot of those.) T'Pol steps up and begins spanking Seven's ass. As Benny Hill would say, "It must be jelly, cause jam don't shake like that!" Not much of a penalty -- Seven actually seems to be enjoying it. They both are, in fact. And a happy Seven goes bouncing back to her team with a glowing red butt. Now I ask you, ladies and gentlemen, when's the last time you got to see a Vulcan spank a Borg? You can't see that shit on UPN!

Okay, the clock is counting down, and we're all tied up (actually, that's not a bad idea). Kathryn lines up for the snap, but her center is missing. It seems Bev and Deanna haven't let go of each other since the last play. There they are now -- rolling around naked by the first down marker. Actually, there's a lot of hooking up going on. B'Elanna and Seven are kissing and making up (and licking, and fingering...). Nyota and Hoshi are showing each other how good they are with their tongues (insert "cunnilinguist" joke here). Kira and Tasha are discussing the finer points of security and discipline (especially discipline), and Christine is their willing test subject (it's always the quiet ones, isn't it?). And finally, Kes, T'Pol, and Janice are having fun counting Jadzia's spots, pointing out each and every one with their tongues.

The clock ticks down to zero, and Suzie blows the whistle one last time. Janeway is angry at her team for missing their chance, but Suzie moves up beside her. She's whispering something. Wow, look at Janeway's knees tremble. I guess ol' Suzie promised to make it up to her after the game. (My knees would be trembling too.) So it looks like it's a tie! Now Suzie is presenting the Femme Bowl award -- the coveted Silver Labia Trophy. That's it for now. The girls are all heading to the showers, where the *real* games will begin.

This telecast is the property of the Q Continuum and Starfleet Headquarters. Any rebroadcast or other use of this telecast (masturbatory or otherwise) without the expressed written consent of the Q is strictly prohibited. (They'll turn you into an asexual Denebian slime devil, so don't try it!)

Be sure to join us next season, for Femme Bowl II. And later this Fall, be here for the Q Continuum Alternate Universe World Series -- the Chicago Cubs versus the Boston Red Sox. They figure it'll be our only chance to ever see those teams in the World Series again. Until then, good night.