God in the Ring
(click image for more pictures)
The images above are photos from the latest holy war; the 137th crusade. No, your eyes are not fooling you; those men really are in a boxing ring, and yes, the one being pummeled does have the word "Islam" written on the back of his trunks. You see, God, whomever He may be, is a big fan of spectator blood sports, and His favorite form of organized combat is gloved cock-fighting, AKA boxing.
On April 7th 2001, boxing fans were treated to yet another holy war between the Galileans and the Mohamedeans: Prince Naseem Hamed of Yemen against Marco Antonio Barrera of Mexico. The last time a mighty Christian was pitted against a mighty Muslim was when Evander Holyfield fought Mike Tyson. In both cases, it was another great day for kufr and shirk, and another win for Jesus! And who could forget the first fight between Joe Frazier and Muhammad Ali at Madison Square Garden? Before the fight, Frazier prayed in his dressing room, saying "please Lord, help me to kill this man, because he is not righteous."
For those who don't know, the truth of religions are now tested in sporting events. This is why every great football player to win the Super Bowl will thank Jesus (though they never seem to blame Jesus for when they fumble). There is only one God (or at least that's what the world's four billion Monotheists claim), and he will only side with one team. In the ring, Muslims are pitted against Christians to see which deen is the truth. If the Galilean wins, then Jesus if Lord, and if the Muslim wins... well... TAKBIR!
In the case of the Barrera-Hamed fight, we had Prince Naseem, the greatest Muslim boxer of all time (no, Muhammad Ali does not count, as he was an NOI Mushrik for his entire career, and did not accept the Sunni deen until after he was retired). Hamed had devoured all other Nasara Tri-theists to step into the ring, and was the favorite to knock out Barrera.
Like Daniel in the Lions Den, Barrera knew he was screwed. The Catholic Mushrik quietly made the sign of the cross, touching his head, groin and shoulders with his glove, while Hamed entered the ring to the sounds of the Five Percenter rap group, the Wu-Tang Clan.
The fight was a shock, as the polytheist infidel scored an upset over Hamed. Barrera pounded Hamed for 12 rounds before winning a decision. Funniest of all, Naseem had dedicated this fight to "all the Muslims of the world," and still lost. It reminded many within the global ikhwaan al-kaafireen of the aforementioned Holyfield-Tyson fight, where the Christian Holyfield defeated pseudo-Muslim Tyson, and used the win as a platform to plug his belief in the one true flesh god, saying "ma gawd is da only gawd" in the post-fight interviews.
Indeed, many Christians will tell you that the Sunday after Holyfield knocked out Tyson, the churches dedicated their entire sermon to the verse printed on the winner's trunks: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." [Philippians 4:13]. Well, now Jesus has won again, and it's only a matter of time before the legions of Galilean pugilists march on the Yahoods. In fact, this is the best time in history for a crusade!
Though there is much praise that we're giving to the warriors for Jesus, I think Hamed deserves a little credit as well. At least "Naz" said that it was "written" by the will of Allah that he lose last night, so I guess that's as close as we'll get to an athlete blaming their deity for their losses as well as their gains. Unfortunately, the Monotheists aren't sure what to make of the fight:    
In the end, I suppose we'll just have to wait for the next boxing match before we can decide which god is the one true God. Maybe Hamed will have an easier time if he'd recite the shahaada before each match. Maybe all those previous Christians who lost to Hamed would've won had they only made a bigger sign of the cross. Then again, maybe all the Christians to lose were Protestants, while Barrera is Catholic. We here at the Freethought Mecca are still waiting for an Atheist champion, but then the boxing ring is a very lonely and scary place, thus many of the warriors who step through the ropes need a deeply spiritual outlook in order to get them through the rougher moments.