We here at the Freethought Mecca have been called many things; Zionists, shayateen, et cetera. Because of this, we wanted to set the record straight. Yes, we do have the inside scoop on Zionism, and yes, we are on a first name basis with Satan (or Shaytaan, the name he uses while cruisin' the Ottoman bath houses of the Middle East). Are the two related? Is Iblees al-Shaytaan a Zionist?
First off, yes, everything you were taught in the Madrasa about Zionism was true. Yes, Zionism was created by Madeline Albright's father. Yes, Zionism was part of a secret plan to get alcohol back into al-Quds (Jerusalem). Yes, Groucho Marx, the founder of Marxism, was a Zionist (thus Marxism is one in the same with Zionism, despite what the thousands of anti-Zionist Marxists may claim). Yes, Coca Cola is owned by Zionists (and Pepsi is owned by Bahais, for any Irani Hezbollahis that may be interested). However, there is one thing that many do not realize: Zionism has everything to do with Islam, and nothing to do with Satan.
One thing I have learned from Gore Vidal is that anti-Semitism works quite well against Monotheist anti-Semites. Nothing hurts a Muslim more than being called a Yahood. Christian anti-Semites were left confused and bewildered when Gore Vidal indirectly blamed Christianity (and Islam) on the Jews:
[New Statesman Society, June 26, 1992, p. 12 as cited in Warraq, Why I Am Not A Muslim, (Prometheus, 1995) p. 116.]
After applying these mathematical principles to the text, we realized that Gore Vidal was sending us a secret message. He was telling us a frightening truth that we at first refused to believe: Islam is a Zionist conspiracy. It seemed absurd in the beginning, and then everything fell into place. We quickly realized that Islam is all part of a plot to infect our brains with Zionist values. For starters, did you know that the first word of the Torah is Bereshit, while the first word of the Qur'an is Bismillah? Is it a coincidence that they both start with B (ba/bet), the second letter of their respective alphabets (alif-ba/alef-bet)? Are they trying to say that the goyyim/kuffar are second class citizens compared to them? There is so much more.
SELF-INFLICTED HEAD INJURIES
The Muslims and the Jews are teaching us how to pray, and it is all part of their plot. You see, if we suffer severe enough head injuries, our brains will be too scrambled to notice the plan (according to the Protocols of the Elders of al-Hanifiyya, a secret document found in Baluchistan in 1947, "concussions are a good tool for keeping people in the dark about your diabolical plan"). However, if Muslims and Jews went around walloping people over the head, the public would become outraged, thus they have secretly tricked us into inflicting these wounds on ourselves.
Converts to Judaism are invited to the Western Wall, and are encouraged to repeatedly slam their heads against its stones. Muslims, who gain far more converts each year, have a much more practical method: they get the converts to repeatedly slam their heads against the ground. Either way, they have tricked millions of people into slamming their foreheads against hard surfaces. It is a shame that people still wonder why old Monotheists have such poor memories.
You want another obvious connection between Jews and Muslims? How about their strange dietary habits? First there is the prohibition on pork. When Muslims tell you to not eat pork, does it ever remind you of anyone? Yes, that's right, Moshe, your Jewish neighbor... he doesn't eat pork either! Coincidence? Me thinks not! The reality is pork is high in protein. This happens to be protein the Muslims don't want you to get, so that you will be too malnourished to fight against Zionism. Also, the Muslims secretly keep pigs as pets, as they love pigs, while Jesus order us to kill them (note that Jesus made as whole bunch of demon possessed pigs run off a cliff). Did you know that the movie Babe was financed by Osamah Bin Laden? It's true.
Then there is prohibition of all food on certain days. For Jews, it is Yom Kipour, the day of atonement (note that Louis Farrakhan, a Muslim, called for "atonement" at the million man march; he meant starve yourselves). For the Muslims, they fast for an entire month! This is an obvious plan to weaken the world prior to taking it over. Also, why is it that Jews only fast for one day, while Christians and Muslims fast for a month or more? Even in atonement of sin, the goyyim pay retail.
HATRED FOR JESUS
Now, it is politically incorrect to say that the Jews killed Jesus (wait, wasn't he a Jew? Another conspiracy?), so we'll focus on the Muslims instead. Why is it that the shahaada doesn't mention Jesus? Is he second best? The reality is, the Islamic crypto-Zionists dislike Jesus. Consider the following excerpt from the Qur'an:
[Qur'an, Surah an-Nisa 4:157]
BELIEF IN ONE GOD
Monotheism, as brother Gore Vidal pointed out, is pure evil. This is actually one of the most obvious connections between these two groups. The Muslims say there is only one God, and get this, the Jews say the same thing! I don't know about you, but we actually paid attention in church, and I can assure you there is more than one God. The Muslim cry of tawheed is an obvious ploy to get us to accept Zionist values.
Note that there are actually five gods: the Father, the Son (Jesus), the Holy Ghost, the bread (flesh) and the wine (blood). The Muslims, in their plot to make everyone Monotheists, have removed Jesus (because they crucified him, see above), and have removed the bread (via months of starvation, see above), and have removed the wine (by prohibiting it, when we all know the Lord was a wine-bibber!), and have removed the Holy Ghost (by saying that ghosts/jinns are subserviant to God).
LOVE FOR DESERT WASTELANDS
The Muslims want everyone to be weakened even more via skin cancer. People are encouraged to love the desert (why is it that Jews call Israel the land of milk and honey?). The soil is poor, thus adding to the years of malnutrition, and the heat and ultraviolet light does even more damage. Why is there such a fight over Israel/Palestine? That's paradise? Have any of these people ever heard of Puerto Rico?
INCONSISTENT ICONOCLASM AND INTOLERANCE
Both groups claim, in one way or another, to be the "chosen" people. God has chosen a lot for them, like what things to idolize. Prostrating before stones is forbidden (unless it's a stone in the Western Wall or the black stone in the Kaaba). Idolatry is forbidden, but bibliolatry is promoted (note that women are forbidden to touch the holy book when menstruating in both religions). There is intolerance shown towards women, animals, polytheists, and homosexuals. The Qur'an says that "whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will not be accepted of him" (Surah al-Imran 3:85). These are the seeds of prejudice.
A PROPHET LIKE MOSES
The Muslims love saying that Muhammad was a "prophet like Moses," and the similarities are there. The two are so similar, it is obvious that one is a fictional character modeled on a previous fictional character. It is all designed to get our youth to look up to desert nomads. Consider the following:
BOTH SAY GOD CAN BE BARGAINED WITH
When reading the Torah, there is the story about Sodom and Gamorrah. God is about to destroy the place, when a man argues that there may be 50 righteous men there. So God agrees to spare the city if there were 50 righteous men, but then the crafty mortal wonders about what will happen if there are 20 righteous men, et cetera. The crafty Yahood bargains God down to ten. A similar story can be found in the ahadith, with regard to how many prayers are required. Originally God, who needs constant praise, demanded fifty prayers per day, but Moses and Muhammad (the aforementioned bearded dynamic duo) bargained it down to five. Both these stories imply that God, in his infinite wisdom, might actually say "gee, I never thought about that..."
CONCLUDING REMARKS ON ISLAMIC ZIONISM
I think that it is wholly obvious that the above proves that Islam is a Zionist conspiracy. Monotheism, prohibition on pork, sand encrusted beards, bleeding foreheads, iconoclasm, intolerance... these are all qualities found with the Yahoods. So, even though the Muslims pretend to despise the Jews, they're actually working hand-in-glove with them to try and get us to give up our idols in favor of their one God. So go out to Islamic chat rooms, and tell the mu'mineen that they are perpetrating Zionist ideals. They may try and attribute Zionism to Satan, but the reality is that he's not responsible at all.
With regards to Satan, it should be noted that he's one of the greatest guys you'll ever know. He's more sensitive to human needs that the five gods are. He befriends the lonely (and hangin' with Satan instantly makes you cool). He shows kindness to all the creatures of the earth. He's really the man of the millennium (and every millennium prior), but a feeble-minded political corectness keeps us from recognizing him as such. After reading this pious and honest acount, you will agree with the many who already feel Satan was wronged when he got evicted from the heavens.
SATAN IS FOR RACIAL EQUALITY
One of the religions created by Satan, as any Muslim will tell you, is the Baha'i faith, which calls for equality among all races. It is for this reason that the Baha'is are persecuted all over the Islamic world. Satan says that no race is above any other, and even encourages his followers to not see any culture as being superior to another.
For example, many apostates from Islam have stated that they once wondered why they bothered prostrating toward some distant Arab land (Makkah). Why not bow towards Paris or Tokyo while praying? Aren't French and Japanese cities just as good as Arab cities? Their Mullah told them that it was Satan who put such ideas in their head, and we agree.
SATAN WORSHIPS GOD ALONE
That's right, Satan hates shirk (and for your information, belief in five gods is not a form of shirk, though Islamic Zionists will claim such). Satan will even refuse to worship someone other than the gods if the gods themselves ordered him to! In case you've been in a cave for the last six billion years, Satan was kicked out of heaven for refusing to commit shirk! As the story goes, Allah asked Satan to bow towards Adam, but Satan replied "Astagfirul-Maseeh! I worship none other than God alone!" For this, he was kicked out of heaven!
SATAN IS FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS
As any Muslim will tell you, feminism is an ideology created by Satan, and we do not dispute this fact. While Islam and Judaism teach that women are second to men, Satan says they should be equal. Satan is in favor of letting women lead the prayer in a mixed congregation. Satan is in favor of female imams and caliphs. Satan says that if polygamy is permitted, it should go both ways, thus women should be allowed to have multiple husbands (note that Satan is speaking in a hypothetical sense, as he is actually against polygamy; see below). When the Qur'an states that you should have one male witness or two female witnesses (thus insinuating that woman's testimony is worth half that of a man), Satan repudiates the verse! Now, if you agree with any of these stances, a pious Muslim will admit that you're being influenced by the politics of Satan!
SATAN IS AGAINST POLYGAMY
Suppose you went to your local masjid and told the Imam that polygamy is a sin. Now, if you then argued that any person who had more than one wife was a sinner, the Imam would become angry. If he tells you than Muhammad and Solomon had multiple wives, and you form a syllogism that concludes that they were evil sinners, he will become further enraged. After that, tell him that any verse in the Qur'an that promotes polygamy should be ripped out. At this point, ask him who put these ideas in your head, and he'll say "probably Satan."
SATAN IS FOR ANIMAL RIGHTS
Satan is very much in favor of promoting vegetarianism, and does so through various new age kufr systems, not to mention the religion known as Hinduism. Satan believes that it is wrong to kill animals for food. Satan feels that is absolutely wrong to perform animal sacrifices (something the Islamic Crypto-Jewish barbarians do each year). Satan says you should love animals, and keep dogs and snakes as pets.
SATAN IS FOR GAY RIGHTS
Gay pride parades, same-sex marriages, recognizing homophobia as a hate crime, et cetera. All of these are promoted strongly by Satan. While the Muslims (and the crypto-Muslim Ovadiah Yosef) are against homosexuality, Satan says that all human beings are equal, regardless of their sexual preference! Every orthodox Muslim and orthodox Jew will agree that their religion is against homosexuality, and that the concept of "gay rights" is one that finds its origin with Satan. So, ask yourself, who is more loving?
SATAN IS FOR DEMOCRACY & HUMAN RIGHTS
Islam and Judaism hold that sovereignty belongs to God, while Satan argues that the people should make all the decisions. Satan feels strongly about the separation of shul/masjid and state, and feels that people should be allowed to practice whatever religion they want. Also, agreeing with many of the previous points listed, Satan is wholly in favor of the anti-Islamic kufr U.N. charter on human rights.
CONCLUDING REMARKS ON SHAYTAAN
After reading this, we hope that you have been motivated to ask God to allow Shaytaan back into Jannah (he still has the deed to his house near the celestial version of Har Megiddo). We hope this is enough proof that (a) Islam is a Zionist conspiracy, and (b) Satan is an okay sort of guy.