It takes 72 muscles to frown, but only 14 to smile!
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train. Celibacy is never inherited. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. Beauty is only skin deep, ugliness goes to the bone. Never play leapfrog with a Unicorn. If everything seems to be going well, you haven't got a clue what the hell is going on. Never argue with a fool, people might know the difference. A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. Friends come and go but enemies accumulate. Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work. Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules. The race does not always go to the swift, nor does the battle go to the strong, but that is the way to bet. Anything that you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought. In order to get a loan you must first prove you do not need it. The repair man would often say, 'I have never seen a model quite like yours before.' No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, you will find it on sale somewhere else cheaper. The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
FIRST NAMES: DAVID MATTHEW
PREFERRED NAME: MATTHEW
HOME ADDRESS: EASTWOOD,
POST CODE: GU20 6BT
TELEPHONE: (01276) 479058 (UK)
(011 44 1276) 479058 (USA)
DATE OF BIRTH: 28/12/'74
CRIMINAL RECORD: NONE
DRIVING LICENSE: YES [UK, CLEAN]
ETHNIC ORIGIN: CAUCASIAN
MARITAL STATUS: SINGLE
HEIGHT: 6" 1'
WEIGHT: 10 STONE
EDUCATION AND QUALIFICATIONS:
General Certificate of Secondary Examinations:
DATES OF STUDY: 1988 - 1991
ENGLISH ORAL A
ENGLISH LIT. A
DATES OF STUDY: 1991 - 1993
NUMBER OF DAYS OF SICKNESS FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS: NONE
ANY DISABILITIES? NONE
ARE YOU TAKING MEDIATION? NO
ORGANISATION NAME: COSMIC RADIO
TYPE OF BUSINESS: RETAIL - HIGH END HI-FI AND ELECTRICAL GOODS
ADDRESS: 244 - 256,
POST CODE: KT15 2PS.
POSITION HELD: RETAIL ADMINISTRATION
MAIN TASKS: RETAIL, STOCK MANAGEMENT, INSTALLATIONS,
SWITCHBOARD, AFTER SALES SUPPORT
DATES EMPLOYED: JUNE 1994 -
SALES FIGURES: £500,000/ Yr [TARGET DRIVEN]
SALARY: BASIC O.T.E. WAGE PLUS 0.5% COMMISSION
INTERESTS: SPORTS, PHOTOGRAPHY, GRAPHIC DESIGN, MUSIC,
SOCIALISING, CONSERVATION, NOVEL WRITING,
COMPUTING, WEB [W3] AUTHORING, TRAVEL
OTHER QUALIFICATIONS: QUALIFICATIONS IN DIVING [PADI],
CONSERVATION, IT, AND OTHER ACADEMIC
REFEREES: [NAMES ON REQUEST ONLY]
I hope that this resumé has gone part way in helping you find out more about me. If you have any questions or feedback as a result of reading this resumé then please don't hesitate to contact me at either of the methods outlined in the above. A hard copy of this Resumé is available upon request.
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