The Ultimate Haiku List!!!

Editor's note - The views expressed herein are not necessarily shared by Puppykisser. In fact, if I find your entries too offensive, I will hunt you down and bash you in...don't worry, this isn't bloody likely. Update - 08/04/04 - Just got back from Irreverence in Madison and I'm feeling very strongly that it is time to recruit the many brilliant minds kickin' around up there to join me and my fellow fucktards in expanding this list. Firing a shot over the bow later today to try and get a response...we'll see how this pans out.


The Ian A. Hall Collection

  • a big mac a day/supersize fries and a soda/recipe for death
  • absinthe assuages/allays all aches and ailments/analgesic ale
  • airedale barks loudly/wakes me from peaceful slumber/ruger shuts him up
  • all should be advised/clams that smell like rotting crabs/best be left alone!
  • all the fish are gone/from my office tank, gulped by/hungry janitors
  • all the world's women/schoolgirls to old maids, call me/inamorato
  • alligator farm/careless tourist slips and falls/big croc takes his balls
  • andy the cap god/could smear thor in a skirmish/amped on mountain dew
  • anomalous ab/polygamist milkfest wha?/i'm gone back to bed!
  • apricot jelly/smeared across mons veneris/makes a scrumptious treat
  • ardent porcine chick/wants to pounce upon yours truly/glad i run so fast
  • asian vomit queen/infamous around the globe/love that internet!
  • asshole cut me off/yosemite sam tirade/scared the bastard stiff
  • auto-dialer nightmare/faxing naught but all-black sheets/fucks their shit right up
  • bacchus was the man!/banged his staff on the ground, shot/wine instead of cum
  • backseat we defiled/she on top, did it in style/left her with a smile
  • bass ale in my trough!/cry of the thirsty pgbtt/this gal likes good beer
  • battered by a buck/lying in a pool of blood/in the dewy grass
  • beetles meander/entering through ear canals/eroding the dead
  • bento box for lunch/consists not of sushi but,/asian chix0r hunched!
  • better red than dead?/taken down by brown to crown/think i'd rather die!
  • billions for bill gates/trickle down invades the brown/pesos for paco
  • blurred photos depict/a hideous malfesance/one i'd do again
  • bowl of veggie soup/bequeathed me by pati c./warms my gutti-wuts
  • boy of five jerks off/into sister's ponytail/welcome to waco!
  • break your fucking arm/lest you relinquish quarters/for my foosball game
  • breakfast doughnut sucks/good thing my tummy's robust/lest you'd see chunks fly
  • broke into a lab/imbibed strange liquids for kicks/now my pee pee glows
  • brown clumps in the air/chimps engaged in shitflingy/stand back from the cage!
  • budweiser? piss water!/as hopper said "fuck that shit!"/gimme a Duvel!
  • bullet in the head/at least nine times out of ten/sullies a nice corpse
  • burgundy tortoise/shaded by bored miscreants/spray paint and spare time
  • burninator list/breakshit dot org videos/nothing's safe from us!
  • bury face with glee/alas, if your wrinkle stinks/i will not go down!
  • Bush's problem's simple/unlike Clinton's pot excuse/he never exhaled
  • can't leave for homestead/until i've eaten her twat/wouldn't be prudent
  • capillaries full/the bulbous, blood red head/splits her pouty lips
  • caterpillar stew/made with chunks of lemur brains/beats ramen noodles
  • cavorting naked/among poisonous adders/my newest hobby
  • centenarian/but she's still a wild lover/miss her when she dies
  • chaotic bedsprings/indict those who misbehave/let's fuck on the floor
  • chem lab accident/phosphates in the salt shaker/now i blast blue goo!
  • chimps take smaller dumps/but no matter, when it dries/it'll still sting lots!
  • cholos eye my girl/my recalcitrant response?/"CHINGA TU MADRE!"
  • chutney farts explode/toppling through a murghul dung/intestinal pain!
  • cicada soiree/rubbing my legs together/i join in the chant
  • circus tragedy/lions, tigers, bears, oh my!/lunching on the crowd
  • cleaning crew misdeeds/fucky-sucky on my desk/caught on video!
  • "clerks" film reference/confuses hermaphrodites/all holes can't be filled!
  • cloudpointers, peep this/god hates you idolaters/he's a hockey fan
  • colostomy bag/pops loudly, flooding hallways/coprophilic dream
  • concoted this scheme/you, your mom and a barrel/and niagara falls
  • coprophage perhaps/not sicophant; won't kiss up/but might kiss your ass
  • coral reef blunder/leaves one man legless as his/pal chortles loudly
  • corpses hard to find?/fear not, you shant go blind, with/your hand and your mind
  • corrupted toddlers/ponder world domination/learning ABC's
  • covered in honey/fairly glued together/shunning soap and water
  • crabs would soothe my gut/it cries out for seafood bisque/stirred well with a whisk
  • cracking cartilege/blunt force trauma to the nose/deters canvassers
  • crawling into bed/horrified to discover/morning fart remains!
  • cumbersome dildo/makes wider the oft-abused/asshole of aja
  • cupid's dart aloft/plunging like a mad piston/spilling tainted seed
  • cunts that miggs can smell/fill the air with herring's scent/better left alone
  • cup only half full?/pep up, pessimistic one/take a dump in it!
  • customer complaints/most invalid, some legit/they all go ignored
  • cut a mammoth fart/trouser chili resulted/here, try a spoonful
  • danko taunts gay guy/last year's balticon antics/big fag meets small fry
  • "darget" shouted brad/and from my perch upon the can/i heard the dog yelp
  • darwin's laws at work/i guffaw as tots collide/brains left in their wake
  • das ich blasts freely/fairly bursting my speakers/boss just wrings his hands
  • deadly condition/hyperglycemia, ouch!/my fucking heart stopped
  • decrepit tit man/slobbering at the t.v./will get laid no more
  • deer attack on tape!/antlered road-rat kicks your ass/how embarrassing
  • deja vu checkouts/registers read six-six-six/then people get killed
  • delhi dhaba calls/what'll it be this noche?/too tough to decide
  • derelicts attack/callow kindergarterners/outside my front door
  • dissipating pills/taints the beverage i serve/to my dinner guests
  • distract and pilfer/mode of the modern corsair/for purloining snacks
  • "do not fear our love"/implore the denizens of bound/"fear our STDs!"
  • dogs bite mailmen's legs/cats make funny hissing sounds/these things make me laugh
  • dogs endure much scorn/taking blame for scores of farts/man's best friend, indeed
  • dosed my pup last night/kibble laced with LSD/perked her ears right up
  • draconian jerks/suing youngsters on napster/great media coup
  • driftwood strikes the skull/of a child riding the waves/i laugh as he sinks
  • driving citywise/penis throbbing in her mouth/think i'm gonna crash
  • dryer shaft peril/crapper vent connects to it/don't shit where you dress!
  • "drop and give me ten"/says the major to his grunts/i bike past and laugh
  • duckbilled platypus/foiled by shoes on dead man's feet/eats his face instead
  • dust mites discreetly/nibble at your eyelashes/while you sleep at night
  • eat some broccoli/tree-like little scrub brushes/tidy up the colon
  • elevator's stuck/shify eyes, furtive glances/who the hell farted?
  • enraged priest laments/"pull up your pants, you heathen!"/so i leave the church
  • ergonomic guards/pad the world in which we live/people are too frail!
  • ever tried sounding?/it's urethreal widening/with "D" batteries
  • farted in the stall/flushed the can to cover up/chuckle blew my scheme
  • farting at rowboats/from my stinky raft, i am/poop ship destroyer!
  • fax spam is the worst!/huge waste of ink and paper/wanna buy some more?
  • fear the gaping maw!/toothless cavern calls your name/better double-wrap!
  • female victual/wet spot that's hot and hairy/i call it breakfast
  • finely tuned engine/colored candy apple red/powers the famed dorsch
  • finger in duck's butt/delmarva boy learns folkways/unique to inbreds
  • fireplace mishap strikes/burning embers on the ground/children writhe in pain
  • firing squad is primed/fuck your cigarette request/now it's time for death!
  • flicketh not boogers/into heavy autumn winds/else you'll be sorry
  • flies land on my dick/imitating ween lyrics/better clean if off
  • flytrap snares locust/struggling madly to be free/boy is he irate!
  • FOC now fills/the air lewdly, depicting/digital discharge
  • for fun in my youth/i'd put live crabs on sister/halting peaceful naps
  • format? font? insert?/can't find that confounded line/neither can bill gates
  • fresh air now pungent/sticky sweet smells of sexplay/cling to the nostrils
  • freshmaker my ass!/mentos cannot stake this claim/tic-tacs still the best
  • fuck those class-war pawns/parking meters round my block/sledgehammered for fun
  • furious fetus/trapped in placenta prison/breaks out his chainsaw
  • fusillade of lead/will pierce your chest cavity/if you spill my tea
  • g-man likes small boys/lures them to his house at night/makes him feel alright
  • gas jets cranked up high/smashy getting out of hand/propane in the ass!
  • gem studded cockrings/they call me rhinestone plowboy/i'll spread your pussy!
  • "get the sensation"/peppermint patty wrapper/inspires my lewd mind
  • glabrous young lass/shaves her naughty bits daily/what a piece of ass!
  • glad i made you laugh/decapitation humor/tends to do the trick
  • glade youe dide enjoye/mye odee toe lyrice pretensee/i'lle composee muche moree
  • goth histrionics/bemoaning lost makeup kit/i'll blacken those eyes!
  • great ugly brain name/medusa oblongata/fucking knee slapper!
  • guillotined your head/bowling bag is where it sits/'til my next yard sale
  • gulped some emetics/on a sunday afternoon/puked until the dusk
  • gun i just picked up/found it on the promenade/helped me get my raise
  • had a grand weekend/lots of tasty sex and food/now i sadly brood
  • hair and brains splattered/here and there in the wreckage/must've really hurt!
  • half-crazed naked man/emerges from the bushes/hit him with my bike
  • halloween's today/smashing pumpkins is a rite/not just corgan's band
  • happy labor force/they'll do anything you ask/five dollars an hour
  • hardware store hijinks/try out the model toilet/funny jackass stunt
  • hark! livestock goddess!/worshipped and adored in song/pgbtt be thy name
  • haujobb disc in hand/she reminisces aloud/on homes and gardens
  • hazel eyed vixen/fixes me with lurid eyes/her wish my command
  • hey now, hey now now/sing this corrosion to me/i'm more goth than you!
  • hick supermodel/butthole surfers album sleeve/brings her infamy
  • hid a bag of shit/under sleeping infant's crib/got him in trouble!
  • hit the guardrail hard/her labia my last meal/we died happily
  • hole that's open wide/drink the juice that flows from it/soft mouth vagina
  • homer's skittlebrau/candy floating in the ale/sweetens the spiel deal
  • hopscotch is my game/you think i'm preposterous/though i am sincere
  • horny college nerd/escapes to amsterdam/comes home pissing fire
  • horny kangaroo/pedarastic high hopper/chase down that joey!
  • how was work today?/tiger chewed off half my face!/just another day
  • hungry koala/perched atop a gum tree/kumquats on his mind
  • hyperactive child/eats ritalin like candy/but to no avail
  • "i could eat a horse!"/hyperbole for most folks/not for horse-dot-avi!
  • i dig pregnant chicks/fucked expectant mom so hard/fetus turned to soup
  • i love bag ladies/cellulite mams swaying, ah!/makes me almost hard
  • i once found myself/pissing on an old dartboard/while looking for god
  • i worked at wal-mart/had no green card, got the red/now i'm headed south
  • i'd kill for pork chops/confessed the frothing pitbull/while wagging his tail
  • if i don't like you/and you should die before me/i'll piss on your grave
  • if you're gonna shave/scalp that silly flocculus/bald is where it's at
  • igniting the barn/i guzzle doctor pepper/and warm my cold hands
  • i'll not let her sleep/my tongue as an alarm clock/wrests her from repose
  • i'm like narcissus/when i look into mirrors/i like what i see
  • in menstrual night/my unashamed concubine/wipes away her blood
  • in the stirrups, ma'am/dilation and curretage/then an endless sleep
  • incandescent sperm/"sounds impossible" you say?/eat some phosphorus!
  • incessant dripping/like chinese water torture/drives the goat insane
  • infernal machine/gives me killer headaches, makes/me want to shed blood
  • info will be free/technologic entropy/cannot be contained
  • injured my coccyx/performing sex feats bedwise/laid up for a week
  • insatiable dog/primed for another romp at/four fifteen a.m.
  • inviting jail stints/my abstruse relations with/roosters continue
  • jerk off profusely/my advice to horny teens/builds bed stamina
  • jutified fatigue?/post-orgasmic afterglow/it's the only kind!
  • kill suburbia/one bomb per community/should do quite nicely
  • kinetic couple/taking with them everywhere/desire for mad sex
  • kix cereal box/kid tested, mother approved/double entendre?
  • labia parted/mons swollen with carnal lust/what'choo waiting for?
  • languid bauhaus tune/pulls my lids down, shut and tight/boss screams in my ear
  • laptop turned cockroach!/threw it from the seventh floor/like bill lee's clark nova
  • large organgutan/saves his best for zookeeper/poo-palming his beard!
  • Lemmiwinks, be brave!/Like Frodo and Sam, you quest/freedom from the ring!
  • library scrumpage/observed by little children/scars the brats for life
  • like a bank robber/tuck your nose inside your shirt/evade the fartmusk!
  • Like Will Ferrell/Streaking down suburban streets/Talk about "Old School."
  • liquified flatis/blasted through a window screen/looks like refried beans
  • lobster up inside/this poor lady died of shock/mud-shrimp t.s.s.
  • look out, Jackie Chan!/Chop-socky humor's new star/has fists of cotton!
  • looking at my turds/contemplating where they'll go/another brown world
  • macrencephaly/lynch took this a bit too far/in the film scanners
  • mad audiophile/i've all the discs, ALL the discs/from your hairy crotch
  • mail migration failed/all your steamy porno files/now arouse your boss
  • mariah carey/i think she sucks monkey butt/millions can be wrong
  • maybe i'm lucky/being hit by ice-cream trucks/hasn't done me in
  • men who drive horse carts/needn't criticize young pros/for donning black clothes
  • mentally infirm/the mailman abducts a swine/feeds it turpentine
  • mirror i smashed/portends seven ill-starred years/think i give a damn!
  • mixed-up metaphor/fake cocks, purple dinosaurs/i can take no more!
  • mobile home owners/friendly folks without a care/also, without teeth
  • mobster at your door/baseball bat and kneecap meet/do the dance of pain
  • morose robert smith/caterwauls about true love/i want to go home
  • movie theater fun/flicking fingers on pink parts/kinda missed the plot
  • murdered bugler's corpse/left behind by pissed off grunt/after reveille
  • my bed was the site/semen taking fight, porno/sans the camera
  • my legs propped up/waiting for the time to pass/disregarding work
  • my sheets could survive/a thermonuclear war/they do it nightly
  • naive inquiry/about sex, drugs, and money/answered with a gun
  • naked and waiting/girl versus dinner, alas/woman wins again
  • NASCAR fans perish/pelted by flying shrapnel/i laugh 'til i cry
  • Nash, in 'The Hitcher'/jennifer jason leigh/neck-chick hot as nukes!
  • nitrous oxide binge/sexual hypoxia/i'll buy the chargers
  • nivek ogre's grunts/pacify the brutal day/wash my cares away
  • no innuendo/never, ever one for pretense/i just say "let's fuck"
  • no yum-yum tonight/chances of this are less than/cubs winning series
  • not partial to blondes/Charlize Theron gets mad props/she stiffens my wand
  • nothing on my screen/paid two thousand for this heap!/oh, it's not plugged in.
  • now it's time to go/to rush home, bolt shut the door/and touch my tooter
  • office politics/need some staples? suck my dick!/seems a fair exchange
  • oft castigated/as a child with no morals/sin has been my life
  • oldsters can be strange/why the plastic-coated chairs?/BRAP! i get it now...
  • once you got the gist/the zest of cushion coition/you gave up your fist
  • oooh, it's :wumpscut:/delighted twirling hippos shriek/crowding the dancefloor
  • palpating her breasts/for non-medical purpose/stiffens my member
  • paralytic kids/melded tree with SUV/won't see them at prom
  • part the sea of black/punching feeble fashion plates/thanks for playing Gwar!
  • perched on cushy chair/torrid visions fill my head/food and sex and sleep
  • percussive raindrops/play sensuous symphonies/for twilight lovers
  • permanent marker/moves in mysterious ways/'cross the sleeping face
  • picture frankenstein/sipping wine and eating brie/nah. it doesn't work.
  • pierced perineum/makes the worst pinochle jock/play more artfully
  • pilgrims are extinct/save those lancaster phonies/but their hats kick ass
  • pink inside and out/struts her stuff in leather pants/ham it up, tracy!
  • pitiful sinschylde/silly longevity claims/won't help him bed chicks
  • plowing the cornfield/i pine for matchbox cars/eating pure guava
  • pointing to himself/Miro credits where its due/SATAN SCORES A GOAL!
  • potty seat mishap/toilet training put on hold/time to fingerpaint!
  • prancing gaily 'round/i stub my toe, my mood goes/sour like vinegar
  • prattling on for days/hope this lady succumbs to/the urge to snuff it
  • pray tell does hubby/have the slightest idea/you're fucking strange men?
  • priceless faberge/reconstruct the gilded egg/now it's a dildo!
  • public nose-picking/epidemic in the south/rednecks do it best
  • pummeled jonbenet/bleeding little female corpse/was it mom or dad?
  • quite amazing, that./food starts out any color/but all comes out brown
  • radical preacher/pleads with christ to save his soul/i say worship set
  • rajah, i suppose/became bungtorn, indisposed/by inox's phallus
  • raped the pope for fun/ripped his robes and pointy hat/whatcha think of that?
  • rapturous hours spent/her cunt bites deliciously/on my stiff penis
  • ray: child molester/andy: cap god with a hammer/bra'd: bust held in place
  • redneck fudgepackers/mix their love with southern twists/mechanical fists!
  • relentless thrusting/gives rise to guttural cries/and wakes my roommates
  • ripe rutabaga/perfect projectile, enemy/of crappy lounge acts
  • robber apprehended/caught him stealing underwear/made him put it on
  • rubber bands galore/mini-missiles find their mark/interoffice war
  • ruby encrusted broach/up the clam to halt the splam/makeshift IUD!
  • rumored videotape/of our laundry room exploits/bet it sells in france
  • savage, animal/you can call me what you will/i just like to fuck
  • scars run down my back/cursory wounds that speak of/turmoil in the sack
  • scent of dead herring/much more pleasant, less foul than/breath of latest temp
  • school for dancing yak/opine economic doom/if you open one
  • scoping out mallards/pea-shooter at the ready/i crack my knuckles
  • scratch thee not thy sores/be they from elder-berries/or too much old spice
  • sea salt in the womb/when she comes you will enjoy/tasty pussy bisque
  • semi-psycho infant/commandeers helicopter/robs the gerber plant
  • serrated dildo/tears into her fleshy folds/frees the crimson tide
  • served at mickey d's/grade d meat and bung backwash/you'll be "lovin' it!"
  • sexy bedtime tales/whispered so seductively/may portend wet sheets
  • sharing scads of files/they can keep what they can catch/but that isn't much
  • sharpest thing there is?/a fart. goes through your pants/and leaves not a mark
  • she and i, we two/are in collusion, cohorts/in odious acts
  • shocking morning flasher/jiffy john manlove exposed/at gravelly point
  • showed for free coffee/but skipped the morning meeting/spoils of promotion
  • silenced pistol coughs/bullets penetrate the hearts/of sleeping babies
  • singing about poop/a shitty Who parody/"A fecal matter"
  • slaphappy grandpa/knows the joys of spanking bums/of young progeny
  • sloe gin fizz fizzles/cold, dank rain fairly drizzles/swizzle stick swizzles
  • sneezed into the brown/gave the gerbil renewed hope/he'd escape some day
  • snotty colleague's flame/incites amusing wars of words/i come out on top
  • soft-porn-scat combo/red shoe diarrhea, ha!/romantic as shit
  • software technician/sells illicit DVDs/he's fired on the spot
  • some fools say "no way."/full of iron, it's good for you!/lap it right on up!
  • spider man undies/worn by aging comic geeks/bloodlines soon to end
  • Spring means RennFaire time!/Geeks aplenty haunt the grounds/Babbling Olde English
  • SSU dorm bash/andy enters unannounced/in his birthday suit
  • stabbed you many times/with my shiny black trident/left you in a heap
  • stacking lincoln logs/built myself a nice cabin/it's too fucking small
  • steed branding miscue/careless horseman's teeth are lost/hoof upside the head
  • steel laundry table/saw us fuck like mad canines/left the stains for proof
  • sticky, malformed folds/hide a crag of utmost stench/lick it and you'll die
  • stopping for red lights/my whole hand shoved in her crotch/makes the truckers smile
  • strapped on cheese grater/primes my penis to make some/pussy parmesan
  • streaker road lawn swans/would freak out ichabod crane/thanks to me and brad
  • strip mall body spa/you can have your buttpipe flushed/for a tidy sum
  • stuffed green peppers/filled with puckered cat butts/ain't my cup of tea
  • such a courtesan/impending ruination/of clean, young minstrels
  • superliminal/hammering it home, i shout/"fuck you" to your face
  • sutcliffe jugend disc/katzenjammer magnifique/colleauges shake their heads
  • sweet love elixir/gushes from betwixt her thighs/yummy facial cream
  • swerving back and forth/sound asleep on the highway/won't get home alive
  • tamarindo juice/sweet but not as tasty as/my baby's nectar
  • teabags are all gone/time to replenish my cache/of black-cut pekoe
  • teeth clenched, eyes ablaze/usually he'd look quite tough/but he's wearing tights
  • telemarketers/punch your own balls off yourselves!/thanks, i've said my piece
  • terror level up/fears of biowarfare rise/it's just brad's milk farts
  • that cat david blaine/starved himself for weeks on end/what a bleeding fool!
  • that guy son of sam/what did he do that was wrong?/they should set him free
  • The SAE flag/Beauty! Purple...Gold... and BROWN!?!/Damn those rugby goons!
  • then a stick of gum/thanks to kelli frazier/wrigley's hits the spot
  • then there's peanuts, too/like metal studs protruding/from the mounds of goo
  • third baseman daydreams/sharp crack! the bat, then his skull/splintered by the ball
  • though big brother's there/information flows freely/under the radar
  • though sweat ain't my fave/that post-sex disheveled look/simply can't be beat
  • ticketing my car/meter maid caught by surprise/my foot in his ass
  • tied to the train tracks/truculent, treacherous tart/tarries timidly
  • toner cartridge bursts/black powder abounds, snort it/like ebony cocaine
  • too much raisin bran/sets bowels in motion, causes/fecal avalanche
  • toungued a ripe bunger/now my tongue is brown, shaded/kinda like oak bark
  • tragic cornflake sinks/drowning in the milk of an/unconcerned bovine
  • traipsing through the streets/naked as a jaybird, drunk/prison bunk awaits
  • trampled by wild moose/while hiking with a stranger/ugly way to go
  • treble clefs are neat/provided kinky music/flanks them to the right
  • treblinka's a place/i've not yet carried myself/doubtful that i will
  • tripped on a damned rake/tumbled like an acrobat/dashed my head apart
  • trolling for virgins/the slick charmer seeks his prey/better chased than chaste
  • troubled lady fidgets/feeling awkward, i caught her/checking out my arse
  • tummy all a-bulge/put my dick inside the girl/baby wanked me off
  • turbid yellow piss/churns the placid, crystal sea/in my toilet bowl
  • turbinado sugar/only the best eateries/offer you this treat
  • turtle begs my boot/curmudgeon in a hardshell/kick his ass a mile
  • tyson is an ass/now evander knows it's best/to box herbivores
  • unabashed noise/terrifying, trebelous/now you've known the dorsch
  • under the boardwalk/out of the sun, havin' fun/till a cop strolls past
  • use your cunt i will/shove it full of cock, tease you/till your screams are shrill
  • vagina gourmand/don't need towels, nor a bib/use the thigh napkin!
  • vertigo and libido/as one when i'm inside her/succulent fissure
  • vibrating butt plug/the funniest phrase ever/defy to top it!
  • viciously attacked/with cold whipped cream, but i'm naked/so can't much complain
  • virgin's orifice/deeper, wider it'll be/motor oil for lube
  • viscous white fluid/issues from me, scalding her skin/pools in her navel
  • wanna-be jesus/fervent holy pedagogue/ejected by me
  • watchtower pamphlets/strewn about my bathroom, handy/when TP is gone
  • went down on my girl/proboscis in her privates/sweeter than lilacs
  • went to buy pecans/found that they were out of stock/settled for peanuts
  • what ignominy!/imagine eulogizing/such a shitty death!
  • what's that fetid smell?/flush the toilet constantly/never disappears!
  • where have you all been?/molesting camels, no doubt/or playing yahtzee
  • where's that jonbenet?/bet she works in thailand now/fifty buys you head
  • whether just venting/well-known barbs, or inventing/cussing's just plain fun
  • whether painting strokes/or flicking like a piston/tongue must never stop!
  • which one wears the pants?/judging from your last haiku/wife reigns over you
  • winsome, delicate girl/suddenly electrified by/power of whipped cream
  • with a baseball bat/i whack the dormant beehive/chuckling as i run
  • witness this event/don your plastic, head to toe/the brown caber toss
  • woodsy owl's a freak/innocent though he may seem/he's a klismaphile
  • working gotcha down?/quit that job! go join the mob!/kill for cash and prizes!
  • yawning pudendawrapped around a baseball bat/porno parlor trick
  • ye olde englishe sayse/tise ae muste toe adde ane ee/toe alle wordse youe seee
  • yeast sprouts a-wildly/'twixt her withered, wrinkled folds/so says neighbor's son
  • yo, i high like kite/ready to box, even fight/jhoon rhee might for right!
  • yum yum addicition/our shared affliction, reason/we're such good buddies

    The Raymond K. Witmer Collection

  • a puzzle: my old/tormentor's anagram - el ha/i am action ass!
  • bang the drum slowly/dancing to another beat/andy band played on
  • blow them all to hell!/avenge our two embassies!/jihad to do it!
  • butt shaft flies freely/from stupid archer, cupid/sharpen your arrow!
  • fuck afghanistan/the cowards hide in caves/and butt fuck livestock
  • haikus are like shit/fertilizer, not snack food/i will not write this
  • he lowered his pants/and did what's hard to swallow/oh, he blew it, too
  • i am not a sheep/i do not follow the crowd/if i want to write a fucking haiku with more than five fucking syllables in the last fucking line, i will jolly well fucking do it because it is my damned writing and i refuse to be dictated to by dickheads like you who do despicable things to small animals with a fork
  • i do not demean/chicks, the more gentle gender/we should all own one!
  • i go home at night/a wife, two kids, and two dogs/sue's dog licks her, too
  • i have a boy bone/i want to hump a femur/osteopathic!
  • i just lay the keel/you build the damn ship yourself/accoucheur? Not me!
  • i, the haiku god/have read your damn haiku list/puppy kiss my ass!
  • i need a challenge/damn, two refills at one time/this is too easy
  • i shall not take part/nor go back from whence i came/i am an old fart
  • if your sores are raw/and their goop runs down your leg/you have pus in boots!
  • i'll not waste my time/even though you're in labor/not me tangere
  • jihad terrorists/cruise missiles up their ass/it damn near rectum
  • just remember this/sir, a wet bird never flies/at night when naked
  • kotex pads with wings/or tampax light day tampons?/kate goes with the flow
  • let's go to egypt/to see that great world wonder/the "a" nile sphincter
  • make like a dutch boy/stick your finger in a dyke/a dikeotomy
  • marsupials,sir/dread you chewing their male pouch/so, up your wombutt!
  • mcdonald's breakfast/cheese danish and diet coke/always on the house!
  • mcdonald's fast food/home of scottish fine cuisine/i get free drinks there
  • mickey buys my drinks/i've gone from bladder to verse/piss to poetry
  • mickey d haggis/god knows what's in their burgers/i sure as shit don't!
  • nay, effluvium/wafting, sir, from mr. ed's butt/equine poop, wilbur!
  • now the truth i see!/send him to the pillory/worse - to hillary!
  • pharmaceuticals/ha! pick up your bloody dead/they litter the streets
  • ray: the sun's warm light/andy: a flaming homo/brad: a small iron nail
  • retaliation!/now we know monica once sucked/bill clinton still does
  • sadder Budweiser/a potable of sorrow/what a crock of Schlitz
  • such a small phallic/brained idiot; we shall wax/sesquepadalic
  • the fat bitch returns/oozing marinara sauce/big, fat, sweaty broad
  • the cows have come home/which beast led the herd back? why/the bovine miss m!
  • vaginal cave-ins?/alas, sir, they are caused by/too small timber beams!
  • what a way to go/her fat thighs crushing my head/don't sit on my face
  • which bitch, witch bitch, which?/so Sue me if I have a/Katetonic fit (play on names to piss off co-workers)
  • who invited him/to wage in the haiku wars?/the old man's cheeky
  • why shoot denver's kids?/it was not the post office/fucking coward pricks
  • you really screwed up/shoved the tampon up your ass/god damned fucking cunt
  • you're nulipera?/i'll take care of that for you/you may have my seed

    The Inox Collection

  • 6 jewelry stores/in but ONE shopping center!/bet they launder cash
  • 10 oz. Miller Lite/Pickup truck with KC lights/Marlboro Lights box
  • a bleach enema/that could sure ruin my day/better take ex-lax
  • A fountain of poo/Arcs from the Japanese girl/Enema-riffic!
  • A fumbling threesome,/Then balls snipped with garden shears!/A crude metaphor.
  • A purple condom?/No, it's a blue and a red,/'Cause you're such a skank.
  • A shrieking yeti/Created by alcohol.../He's drunk and naked!
  • All hot southern girls,/Take me to your Backwoods now!/Bluegrass tour of ass
  • All Praise to Bacchus/Let us run the fuck amok!/Tomorrow's a myth
  • Although, I must say:/Women are at their hottest/When atop my prong.
  • An upper decker/Can't flush away the horror/It taunts from the tank
  • And while we are here/Across the face of the globe/Behold! Shit happens
  • Anger not my br0wn;/It will Pompeii your cubefarm,/Trap your soul in po0!
  • Antibiotics,/Hormones and Mad Cow Disease;/I'll shop at Whole Foods.
  • Beachball in my butt/I can't see its bright colors/But I feel the pain
  • Behold my lawn sheep/Grass grows so long around it/It hides the beer cans
  • Behold, the Black Pearl/Pearl necklace & a black eye/Step off, donkey punch
  • Behold the scrapple!/Gelatinous grey meat lump.../Like undead sausage
  • Between folds of fat/Lies a forgotten sandwich/Fusing with her flesh
  • birdies on the roof/to hell with the damn shingles/just get the shotgun
  • Buggering your cat/Seemed the grandest idea/On that ether binge
  • cat astride my boot/flies awkwardly through the air/comes to rest so still
  • cat ate all my drugs/so i ask it's bloody corpse/where can i get more?
  • chris fox: enigma/his love for parrots gives pause/feather that love nest
  • CLOACONIMBUS!/Dire shit cloud blankets the town.../Why does my *hair* smell?
  • Cold morning flasher/Bears his shaking blue member/Frost upon the tip
  • cousin in my bed/we drank too much at dinner/oh well, once a year...
  • cram it in your rear!/i should ream the lot of you/for your rude remarks
  • Crazy snake handlers/Often suffer fatal bites./Guess god prefers snakes
  • cuddly razorball/pangolin waits in the grass/for barefoot children
  • curious youngster/electric knife draws him close/buzz! lose three fingers!
  • Diamond dust condom/Sandpapers those pussy walls/Best for the grudgefuck
  • Don that velvet cloak!/Strip mining a subculture/Is your only skill.
  • Don't buy a cloth chair!/They recycle your worst days/With every small bounce.
  • Don't fuck with big cats/A paw trumps the rule of law/You too, can be po0p
  • DWI's/Just a part of redneck life/Rowdy like NASCAR
  • Ejaculation!/I blinded her with science/Wow...she's really mad.
  • Elbow smashes face/Teeth fold in time with the beat/Mosh pit violence!
  • everyone po0ps/not everyone recycles/here, have a cookie
  • exsanguinous chit!/of course i meant to do that/that's why you got cut
  • Fat redneck knocked down,/Trucker hat tips from mullet,/Hooves stomping his groin
  • Fear not the Red Wings,/All is lickable girlness!/Crowley loved it too!
  • Filled with the stupid/We get what we now deserve/In TV format
  • fire in the landfill/huge mass of burning tires/all because of me
  • Firm brown hockey puck!/Punishing parcels of poo!/Slap shot to the dome...
  • fistful of feces/in flagrante delicto/foul po0 love earns scorn
  • Flattus and giggles/Emanating from Br0d's desk/Time to shut that door!
  • forbidden urges/shower po0 seemed not unwise/stomp it down the drain
  • frankenstein monster/ejaculating lightning/that's *my* brain on drugs
  • giant, open sores/taught me an important truth/i can't act like GWAR
  • Girl chokes on horse cock,/Uploads the film, goes to work,/And makes your burger.
  • gluttonous uncles/gastronomy domine/don't use the bathroom
  • go power rangers!/small children hurt each other/imitating you
  • good dental hygeine/purifier of the soul/flossing is my life
  • Gorilla biscuits/Striking with amazing force/Lethal poo pitches
  • Gotta go for it/Box that ch0w ch0w regardless/It is added glee!
  • guess what my dick has/the strength of a million souls/power of the dead
  • Guinness Draught bottles:/Costly drunk rockets to god./Someone pay my bail
  • guinness is calling/ireland's four courts sounds good/i'll walk there at 6
  • Heave that faecal cup!/Watch it tumble in the air/Towards that parked cop car.
  • Here we have a chance/To boost aggregate laughter/With fecal humor
  • Here's a magic trick/Dance with Monticore, bitchass!/You'll be just like Roy
  • Hey there, fat goth girl!/"The goggles, they do nothing!"/(for your giant ass)
  • Hunters, raped by deer/Live a quiet life of shame/Don't dare share the tale
  • hunting wild turkeys/gun raised, i sight & i shoot/drat! that's my beagle!
  • I bust out my rhymes/And my nine at the same time/Suckas fall in line
  • i love the dead ones/curling iron up her ass/keeps her warm for me
  • I own 8 Mustangs/Which are parts for a ninth one/In the impound lot
  • If she can give birth/Then she can admit the girth/Prove her fucking worth
  • I'll print out my spam/And tamp it down spammers' throats/With a shit-caked broom
  • I'm d0wn wit da br0wn/Po0p can be fun to look at/And even to throw
  • I'm just not mellow./Even now that I don't drink,/Things still need to burn!
  • In the warm winter/I made a snowman from po0!/...damned humorless cops.
  • internic updates/monopolistic slow fucks/keep my domain down
  • Is the baby gay?/Uterine fellatio/Is good evidence.
  • It's five, seven, five/With mention of the season/Also included
  • It's fine to pass out/But never on the toilet/Shit welded to ass
  • it's not going to fit/when you hear these words in bed/you must pay no heed
  • It's vampire time!/10,000 simps in whiteface/Tonight, it's costume!
  • It's West Virginia/All holes filled with hard brothers/Incest and dirt farms
  • kmfdm/they need to write a new song/and call it "pipe bomb."
  • Lesbian Fisting:/An odd substitute for cock/Issues with daddy?
  • Let's be honest here/Our votes do very little/Corporations choose
  • Let's combine the two:/BBQ and smashing things!/Best...party...ever
  • Let's mirror their site/And share it with everyone/Would they still be mad?
  • Lickable goodness/Brings me ineffable glee/Girl love in my ears
  • Licking the lobster/Should not involve the mud shrimp!/Well, that made no sense.
  • Light Br0d's emissions/No more need for the propane/But the burgers smell
  • Like a real clam/About to go in the pot.../Scrub it thoroughly!
  • Like fire in the depths/Of Centralia, PA/So burn my bowels
  • Like we've seen with SCO,/Greed leads to dubious claims/And frivolous suits
  • Long pangolin licks/Catching lazy summer ants/Puts my tongue to shame
  • long, sharp icicle/drops from the sunny roof's edge/bad time to look up
  • love's a muffler clamp/sandra lindsey, you can't leave!/time to make burgers
  • lubricated arm/easily invades the girl/binary fetish
  • mexican pizza/gastronomic disturbance/yo quiero morir
  • Mikey likes it all:/Life, Kix, Corn Flakes, Cornholing.../Breakfast catamite!
  • Molesting the cat/It started out as a dare/Now you're an outcast
  • Most people fighting:/Push, sucker punch, wrestling match./...or they bring 8 friends.
  • Most TV romance,/Like monkeys flinging their po0,/Fails to excite me
  • Multicolored d0ng/Rainbow Brite had a rough night/Cervical palette
  • mutual using/i never lie to get laid/they know it's just sex
  • my anus, barking/chases the birds from the sky/you must phear my br0wn
  • my anus doth ache/from torrents of fire shite/wayyyy too much kim chee
  • My anus speaks hate/Spouts like a surfacing whale/Best take ten steps back
  • my cock is on fire/place it deep within your mouth/that it may be quenched
  • My delicacies/Are mostly acquired tastes/NOW LET'S CHOW SOME BOX!
  • my deviancy/should not become as issue/in future haiku
  • My turds are as coal/And when gases seek to vent/Evacuation!
  • Naked little girls/Cover them in duct tape and.../Oh wait, I woke up
  • New Year's Eve is here:/Time to drink beer and get laid!/Some things just don't change.
  • never get milk/but that is not the reason/i like female breasts
  • never getting laid/would have made me a killer/i am sure of that
  • Nicole Blackman said,/"Whether in bed or in court/Everyone gets off."
  • No hablo ingles/Pero, trabajo aqui/Ay! Es la Migra!
  • no one knows i'm gay/better stand up during grace/and remedy that
  • nuclear attack/time to do criminal things/they can just bill me
  • Office flatulence!/Cannot decide who to blame.../A pox on them all!
  • On the kitchen floor/Is a bad place to wake up.../So please let me sleep
  • Pink hearts, yellow moons,/Orange stars, and all the rest/Emerge as brown paste
  • Piropos are dropped/And that is when I fling po0/Escalation's key
  • Pocket Vagina/Certainly comes pretty close/Gotta catch 'em all!
  • Poisonous nonfood/Blocked you up in the first place/Re-Cycle of Life
  • Ponder Ted Danson/Why is he still on TV?/Worn 80's relic.
  • poor little kitties/alone outside in the cold/better this way...burp!
  • Popularity/Through brand affiliation/Sounds like the mainstream
  • Predator jism!/A glowing green money shot/So very punk rawk
  • Randall had it right:/Embarass the soccer moms/With talk of ass sex.
  • Ravers annoy me/"Kompressor break your glowstick"/Candy flip and die.
  • Read the fucking FAQ!/These shits can't seem to manage/To learn a damned thing
  • rectal explosion/as the fiber does its job/constipation? ha!
  • rectal sensation/a burning that just won't quit/damn those enemas!
  • RIAA: pwned!/Fucked hard by a DOS attack/Site down for six days
  • Rivulets of sperm/(so like melted moonstone tears)/gliding down your cheek
  • scooping and throwing/feces lines the bathroom stall/i'm mad about poo
  • sendmail rulesets/taking all my list email/right to dev slash null
  • Shite is my war paint/As I cast the dross aside/With ironic waste
  • Sleeping with strangers/Is vastly underrated/Just pick them sober
  • Smarmy men descend,/Offering backrubs and drinks/To all those with tits
  • Snot drips from anus/What the hell happened here?/Allergic homos!
  • So it's Halloween/And I don't have a costume.../Time for shirt ninja!
  • Someone who responds/And then rips off the spammers/Would be my hero
  • Spattering horrors!/Thrown chimp shit strikes a cage bar./Divide and conquer!
  • Spinning poo discus!/Herculean ape hurls it.../Straight from ass to brow
  • Steel jacketed shell/Firing through armor plating.../Make the penis fit!
  • "Stick in it your butt/and then plug it in the wall."/Never a good plan
  • streaming through the air/the only bag of flour/never strikes a car
  • "Swallow every drop / or I will pull the trigger." / Won't make her happy.
  • tapioca spheres/(sucked upward through the thick straw):/squishy like tadpoles
  • Taste the rainbow, bitch!/My prismatic blast of wad/Paints you like a clown
  • That girl likes to puke.../Just fucking stop already!/This clip is too long.
  • The best idea/Was in "Doom Generation"/Smash heads with car doors!
  • The best of all meals!/No preparation needed;/Just decent hygiene.
  • The best ones of all/Surprise us, like shards of ice/At a snowball's core
  • the cervical ore/must be mined and then refined/into moans and glee
  • The furniture singed,/I swear off habaneros/Too little, too late!
  • The high colonic:/Health boon or pure quackery?/REARrigation flume!
  • The hottest woman/I've seen in any movie/Is Salma Hayek
  • The Net makes money!/Let me get on and trade stocks!/Hold on...what's a mouse?
  • The one true constant/Of all sentient lifeforms/Is the need to po0
  • The parking meters/Say: "ALL MAY PARK, ALL MUST PAY"/So I slash tires.
  • The prank phonecaller/Forgot *67/Wonders who's knocking.
  • The sphincter, winking,/Slides shut like a Star Wars door./The one escape, blocked!
  • The taste of booty:/Affected by hair color.../And hygiene, of course
  • the word of the day/on this fine july morning/will be: assgoblin
  • Their fascist methods/Will earn them scorn, not dollars./Screw the big labels.
  • Then again it's po0p/Maybe I need a new plan/Or just more coffee
  • they shall all perish!/thought the master poisoner/surveying the spread
  • Time for a new con,/One where people still attend./Bring back the old us!
  • Time for a party!/Let the clothing be removed!/Cut right to the chase
  • Trades her Kix for dix/Foreign men on preteen chix/Pix of trix, age six
  • Try before you buy!/In the mattress store with whores.../I got banned for life!
  • Try to pet the bear/After you feed him snack chips!/He will give you love.
  • Two handfuls of shit/And a mighty urge to clap:/How I see my life
  • Unlike other meals/I never tire of box/Gotta ch0w 'em all!
  • vietnamese store/sells interesting candies/no clue what I bought
  • Vindaloo transforms/Ordinary anuses/Into lava chutes
  • Wack muthafucka/Steppin up to a brutha/Better take cover
  • Warrior of cock/Bold pr0n star needs no fluffers/Bet he hates that bitch
  • We are in the dark/Accept disempowerment/Or run for office
  • We have no power/Control is an illusion/For the citizen
  • Well, the best for that/Is the Wild Orchid scene/Almost like a p0rn
  • when, unlike kenny,/by accident we slew james/no one yelled "bastard!"
  • Where does it all go?/A poonami of backwash/Into some machine...
  • "Will they eat cat meat?"/The grim butcher mused aloud/But of course...they would
  • Yawning vagina!/Impossible dildonics/Have ruined your quim
  • Yea! Cunnilingus!/Vaginal anathema/Is my candyland
  • yes, that's a grenade/no, it doesn't have the pin/bet we'll be dead soon
  • young leaves emerging/blossoms and flowers abound/why's it so damn cold?
  • Young milk carton girls/Probably sold overseas/Silence of the Clams

    The Michael A. Barkett Collection

  • and there's a puuuuuuuusy/in the cave and he has got/sharp, pointy teeth, fangs
  • chuckle to myself/place a booger on the wall/at the urinal
  • fetid butthole stench/mystifying properties/makes the bedsheets glow
  • flintstones vitamins/a whole bottle in one day/yields much jet black shit
  • flushing the brown down/the chocolate milky way/i think, "you are here"
  • get your facts straight, kid/animals kevin has dogged/are siamese cats
  • got used to the warm/my teats thought it was summer/cold, hard, male nipples
  • highly valued jeep/sporting huge kicker boxes/syphillitic teens
  • i'd have abstained, but/ya took yer ether with you/that's the price you'll pay
  • kevin buttfucks cats/dogs fuck women on the net/i'd suggest doghood
  • kevin tells a tale/he's on the receiveing end/much to his chagrin
  • i can't beat that one/i laughed my fucking ass off/it's in the fireplace
  • inox has gay sex/with little dead puppies, too/they just shoot red cum
  • new york and detroit/merge to become one, in an/episode of "V"
  • octuple teaming/the third nipple is the key/just think about it
  • orgasmic pleasure/seeping in from the next room/who needs a porno?
  • rollerblade terror/can now be haiku topic/for all to boast of
  • the pock of my face/i'll show you my technique/you fucking niggah!
  • the "terrible" twos/no blood but if you're lucky/you will get some poo!
  • wafting flatulence/predictable dispersal/brown makes noses scrunch
  • waiting twelve minutes/in front of a gay old guy/to buy my damn seeds
  • wang on my forehead/my penile lobotomy/was not a success
  • we're all pleased to hear/you don't like it in the rear/but in the right ear

    The Darquebutte Collection

  • boredom plagues us all/even those with dullard men/i could make you scream
  • business acumen/influence that conquers worlds/could not halt the cream
  • cats and dobermans/wash their tiny mammal twats/which their master sears
  • children open wide/jam my fingers deep inside/have a dose of AIDS
  • complete UNIX dung/two inch book which fries my brain/the high cost of spam
  • creeping, dimpled mass/poisoned mind, body aghast/good god it's my ass!
  • entire lives are spent/consoling penises lost/torn skin has its cost
  • epicenter spits/all directions, sheeple sit/minds are torn to bits
  • hopped the hale-bopp ship/gathered balls and then warped back/sold them to a cook
  • hypocrite writes back/lusting for our robust youth/aging repressed squack
  • i like mine at birth/always blind and left alone/they are oh so slick
  • lonely woman's dog/as she cracks a can of jif/great dane's wang gets stiff
  • NEW RULE TO DEPLOY;/FOR ALL OF YOUR ONE NIGHT STANDS;/VACUUM UP THE JIZZ
  • nineteen ninety eight/hail our outlet, buy some hate/punk's pathetic fate
  • please take it from me/these were my hobby when young/round room is my home
  • skipping database/teacher crafts from nothing, much/banal copperfield
  • sliced off your left thumb/took it home to show my mom/now it's in the loaf
  • s-t-f-u now/both of you hang out at wet/gayest patrons yet
  • things in hell don't rot/dearth of water, too damn hot/kind of like your twat
  • trapped behind a desk/soldier in a war of smiles/gluttons, phones, and guiles
  • wafting piece of gum/stuck to the my upper lip/ate it upside down
  • waiting therefore lorn/whenceforth canst thou then admit/some words don't mean shit

    The Donna S. Collection

  • bored and brainless boys/lamely counting syllables/dreaming of pussy
  • demented lifeguard/composing half-assed lyrics/with my tax dollars!
  • stupid fucking dog/pissed on my new sisal rug/time to cut his balls
  • the rest in hades/may rot for all i care, it/matters not to me

    The Joshua Warner-Burke Collection

  • black and white clippings/the old man's life like tiny/crushed diamonds thrown out
  • couple moved uptown/mary sewed a wedding gown/teddy stole a gun
  • kraftwerk radio/92-Q perilous/groovin' on hi-fi
  • motorcycle wire/household violence, backyard blaze/sunny delite fire
  • my scabrous comrade/once he loved sex and candy/kick some ass, andy
  • not enough words blah/not enough syllables rah/no rhyme scheme tra-la
  • seven stories wide/expanse of broken space leaves/broken light alone
  • unspoken beach dreams/white cotton and tan bodies/licking at our burns
  • you're a foolish rogue/sinning on the edge of blue/coquette made of wool

    The Randy D. Goldstein Collection

  • big big big big balls/my balls speak to me, you know/they tell me to kill
  • chickens! chickens! b0k!/bok! b0k! bok! b0k! bok! buk-Gawwwk!/chickens, chickens, b0k.
  • CHICKENS OF THE HELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/THEY SHRIEK UNTO ME BOK BOK@!$$#$#$@$@!#/HELL IS IN A CAN
  • chrizto and randy/sharing the isis like thoughts/god damned hells of man
  • everyone is ghey/yes, i seem to feel this way/haha you are ghay
  • gothic pain and hate/shoot the jocks in their faces/get that black kid, too
  • haiku is for fags/i'm your rock and roll daddy/a blue green olga
  • hippy destruction/my cock is on goddamned fire/eat hot shit you fuck
  • inox, the lawyer/beating witnesses with sticks/order in the court!
  • JJ on the drugs/wife too drunk to stay awake/brad is gay, likes men
  • My cock shrieks and screams!!!/My cock then damns you to hell!!/No more drugs for me...
  • Oh man, you are hot/I'd like to take you and um.../I should really stop
  • piece of hell on face/lick the blood of the devil/i just poop myself
  • pizza waits for me/in the fridge it stays alert/hell is on the winds
  • radon sure aint right/radon seeps into the night/those songs really sucked
  • randy d. goldstein/that is my full given name/is that all you need?
  • shitty cock fuck fuck/my cock is on god damned fire/now, cliff is to blame
  • shut it the fuck UP!/you get on my goddamned nerves!/jesus fucking CHRIST!@#
  • THE PAIN OF THE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/i leech my very heart's soul/death is not the end

    The Joseph Patrick Scott III (Maxflapjax) Collection

  • fragrant chamomile/the smell of apples below/i am stronger now
  • i smell like hoagies/small white things within my hair/fuck my face itches
  • my mother is sick/and it hurts me to the touch/the highway is green
  • pale moonlight gathers/parking ticket doesn't speak french/stop using your teeth

    The Tara Smith (Aex) Collection

  • incontinence sucks/constantly change the diapers/cries for pee freedom
  • nice bleeding poohole/how about i lick your eye/this is good pie mom
  • secret behind shed/unwrapped youth seeks protection/not in my peehole
  • shitty gaping hole/i'll sew it closed with my dick/hot greasy turd breath
  • yeast infection scam/coupon for five percent off/carton says "expired"

    The Merrill Jacob Barkett, Jr. (JJ) Collection

  • all the cats are mad/junior needs some discipline/turned to litter box
  • Ari Fleischer's gone/Maybe he's cool off the clock./He's still a dickfeel.
  • buckets, ladders, paint/gringo truck going so slow/I think they're all high.
  • cat gas curls nose hair/Fluffy purrs and seems amused/8 lives left for sure
  • catbox full again/scoop the poop into a bag,/take a BIG ole bite
  • Colin Powell is/"not a step'n fetchit black/controlled by whites". Riiiiiiiiiight.
  • Condoleeeeza Rice/Sounds like an Indian dish/that makes your dick drip.
  • cousin-love aside/nothing wrong with the deep south/except all those fags
  • Crap trap maintenance.../Who gets to clean that filter?/For love or money?
  • Creativity?/Originality? Art?/Same shit, diff'rent scene.
  • Dubya lied, people died/tens of thousands pay with lives/Bush snickers and smirks
  • dumb, drunken coke head/screws the world and blames Clinton/I want to vote twice
  • eye to eye they met/this time it was forever/then she queef'd ...again
  • finger in my nose/Shel Silverstein comes to mind/better not chance it
  • fishnets in a pile/Sisters t-shirt on the lamp/secret tattoos found
  • fungus can be fun/if she's into comic books/call him "Little Hulk"
  • girls on film are great/nothing better than hot ass/unless it needs shots
  • glad you're here, let's mope.../Put out the clove, my mom's home/OW! HEY...you BIT me!
  • gothic night club raid/wooden stakes, silver bullets/dead no longer dance
  • government steps in/targeted killing campaign/EPA hates farts
  • Heh. Donald Rumsfeld./Funny talking down to you,/Scary killing you.
  • I'd like to meet Stan/when he shakes my hand, I'll say/"do you own a blimp?"
  • "Kerry has flip-flopped!"/bumper sticker sloganing/details equal "spin"
  • La Reconquista:/poor christians build voting ranks.../Presidente Juan?
  • MaggotCon '04/Herds of sarcastic Klingons.../Who's watching the NOC?
  • Maybe we can't win/maybe we're not important/until elections
  • minimum wage works/If the market decided,/beans and beer for pay
  • Moratorium:/no more dumpster diving, here./hobo wants my sex
  • Nazi-like rulers/kill at will, and rape the world/but we've got haiku
  • Neckar rides in blimps/eating pho and saying "ASS"/marmots at the helm
  • Ocean City cop/"to protect and serve" my ass/save the world from fun
  • Ole' John Ashcroft./Doesn't dance or drink or swear./SOMEONE FUCK THIS GUY!
  • "PARTY NAKED! WOOOOO!!!!"/dreaded call at reunions--/Class of 1910.
  • Piss and vinegar/Fiesty grads recount frat pranks/best avoid the punch
  • plastic jesus fish/driving telepathically/soccer moms ahoy!
  • playing with my dick/flops from leg to leg until/bouncers throw me out
  • randy learns too late/junkies looking for a fix/conspire for his pee
  • right wing media/parasites misquote and lie/"shove it", you assholes!
  • sad discovery/post-relay beer had a prize:/ass-flavored quarter
  • same shit, dif'rent year/crazy sluts in bustieres/too much grog to care
  • "School sucked today, mom"/"well...when i was your age dear-"/bombs fall. people die
  • "set my place" again/cut one before sitting down/the smell of regret
  • slept with contacts in/fumble my way to the can/whoops. that's the hamper.
  • "So alive, AWAKE!/Vampyre lust--I ache for blood!"/Trust me. It's the drugs.
  • south will rise again/homes have wheels for a reason/invasion plans found
  • spring break movie plan/"lose virginity at beach"/jail brings a surprise
  • squealing like a pig/limping drunk assault machine/and that's the Mayor
  • Stanislav Neckar/ain't the best hockey player/but his name is cool
  • terror plans unfound/Pete Townsend and Chong busted/Thank god! We're safe now!
  • the horse whisperer/should've kept it to himself/jerky's hard to gum
  • Third party running?/don't let greater evil win/vote for the pretzel
  • Tony Blair Says/"History will forgive us"/Maybe. But I won't.
  • TV sings at food/happy faces dance with lunch/we wait 'til it's poo
  • waiting for the day/when i watch the news and see/CAPS TRADE FOR NECKAR
  • Wal-Mart mp3s/cheaper tunes and no cuss words/embedded ads next?
  • Warmongering Bush./Break open his head--Surprise!/Filled with chicken poo.
  • wiped and wiped and wiped-/never seems to get it all-/sniff it to be sure
  • you talkin to me?/well, i'm the only one here./yeah? alright... shitheel
  • zoo elephant loose/Planters car in peanut shape/imagine the rest
  • "Zoo Trips For Dummies! --/Please Don't Feed The FUCKING BEARS!!!"/by B. Milano

    The Chrizto Collection

  • burrito in fridge/heat it up and suck it down/i'll sleep great tonight
  • cataclysmic death/matter of soul and fire/haikus never rhyme
  • darkened UUcube/download porn to stay awake/phone rings off the hook
  • drip felt down the neck/you can feel the red trail left/now this shirt is trash
  • flying through the air/some swords grazed a piece of flesh/now the thumb is gone
  • goddamn fucking hell/fucking shitty shitty fuck/motherfucking cunt
  • horror wrenching pain/sounds terrific but it's not/Poppy Z Brite r0x
  • i don't know what i/meant by that last haiku there/god I'm fucking stoned
  • isis, queen of death/let me put my lips to you/now I am in bliss
  • mailing lists are fun/rampant psychoburbia/kicked me off the list
  • nothing more to say/haiku followups are fun/this thread will die now
  • okay maybe not/fucking thing burned my lips off/snickers satisfies!
  • once upon a time/this guy walked into a bar/wow that must have hurt
  • ploopy the clown cries/where will he insert jimmy?/spread the cheeks of love
  • roommate sits alone.friends is taking WAY too long/time is slowing down
  • sneezing all damned day/conference calls are quite a pain/when hay fever calls
  • star wars talk is gaye/sure it was a good movie/shut the fuck up, now
  • undertow, spooky/dreampop guitars rule my world/gimme indie rock
  • unused ibanez/sitting in the corner there/still out of the band
  • walking in LA/missing persons had it right/walk without legs, fool!

    The Tracy "PGBTT" Sykes Collection

  • about Survivor/i say, i don't give a FUCK/damned water cooler
  • always last in line/no one will ever read my/pgbtt poetry
  • andy is his name/*sometimes* lucky at billards/asshole is HIS game
  • andy's weirdo tunes/like goddamn son of a bitch/are sing-a-long faves!
  • are you too busy/or buried neck deep in sludge?/methinks the latter
  • black satin bluejeans/pgbtts can't wear leather pants!/subtle curled pink tail
  • britney spears' music/is an atrocity, yet/she elicits lust
  • but a reminder/i do make *damn* good chili!/come eat on sunday
  • donkey oh donkey/why have you forsaken me?/she whined morosely
  • drooling for kraftwerk/donkey dick lurks in the booth/hmm...scared to shoot pool?
  • every time i hear/jack and bert in the morning/vomiting ensues
  • getting in my car/after a long night...Joy! Bliss!/gatorade half full
  • here's my confession:/I AM NOT MORE GOTH THAN YOU/i shop at the gap
  • i would be obscene/i don't really think i should/saint could sue me then
  • if the last stanza/makes no sense, then my e-mail/has fucked me again
  • mayhap you are trapped/on an isle full of sirens/...cannot be disturbed
  • most likely, 'this this:/ratface told my deep secret/i own britney tunes!!!
  • never again will/we speak; all respect is lost/fun while it lasted! :(
  • pgbtt desires:/bring goddamn son of a bitch/she sings it so well
  • pigbutt: some dickheads/erroneously assume/"her ass!!" fuck off, punks
  • pigbutt is funny/meaning can be misconstrued/better than "bitch" though
  • ratface, donkey dick/mere sniveling worshippers/before the pigbutt
  • replacement lyrics/"got a black magic pgbtt"/damn right, peckerheads!
  • sometimes on tuesdays/i come into work and think:/'wish my hair was pink'
  • songs that are oldies/must be manipulated/to serve the pigbutt
  • sure is boring here/without ridiculous mail/from andy to read
  • thong thong thong thong thong/who is the fucking genius/that wrote these lyrics?
  • when she wears those pants/sound echos 'cross the bar, "damn!"/missed the shot again!

    The Jason "DOS_BOY" Powers Collection

  • alarm clock ringing/perhaps i should have slept some/too busy fucking
  • click here for money/get paid to surf internet/this is not a joke
  • consumers buy stuff/i try to sell it to them/you need a gold chain
  • damn, your ass is nice/big and round, a pure delight/your ass, i fuck it
  • farm living is life/land spreading out far and wide/give me countryside
  • hiphop music lives/KRS-1 knows the score/criminal minded
  • i have a big gun/it makes loud noise and stuff/i am entertained
  • i wake up with wife/wait, when did i get married?/god bless las vegas
  • i watch wrestling/i smoked the entire bowl/i want to punch you
  • i'm moving on up/moving up to the east side/piece of the pie
  • my dog humps my leg/is it wrong to enjoy it?/i must buy new pants
  • nothing is ordered/unalphabetical mess/having convulsions
  • post no bills here sir/you are not welcome here sir/no parking here sir
  • the moon hits your eye/just like a big pizza pie/that is a-painful
  • where are my manners/i should have introduced you/now you are left out
  • whoa, you have huge tits/so what if you ain't kate moss/love heavy hangers
  • you are a big guy/that huge ass is in my way/richard simmons bait
  • your phone doesn't ring/because i was drunk that night/please stop paging me

    The Bauke van der Wal Collection

  • analog squeaking/pulsating the inner ear/new vinyl is coming
  • ant hill has spoken/start saving the money for it/order when ready
  • ian you silly/i only fancy you, dear/our goatees are cool

    The Christian "P.A.L." Pallentin Collection

  • Drunk at the AMOK/Too many bagpipes around/Mephi, play some noise!
  • Home at 6 P.M./Listening to the best stuff/Silence is sexy
  • Up at 5 A.M./Aphex on the radio/Concrete in my head

    The Hana [solo@speakeasy.org] Collection

  • black. gothic. haiku/this one stinks and so do you!/letters "P" and "U"
  • dust falling gently/onto a sweaty sausage/"ja, mit senf bitte!"
  • fickle winds blow here/haiku fashionable now/new fad? go figure!
  • gone 'cause ya fear me!/your haikus can't get near me!/listen and hear me!
  • haiku contest lives!/poetic resurrection/submit entries now!
  • haiku master he/ian, washington, d.c./not a sea-goth be
  • halloween toy hunt/synth-pop lyric lost and found/club roll-call, who's who
  • he will judge the worth/of your mentioned haiku verse/better over worse
  • my haikus plain? whack?/yeah, you *must* be smokin' crack!/don't dis *me*, matteblack!
  • my offer still stands/very best haiku will win/super surprise prize
  • seattle gothic/fluff-filler dot.com time-suck/has eaten my soul
  • so submit! impress!/craft lines of haiku genius!/sea-goths, wrack your brains!
  • "the puppykisser"/for whom this contest was born/my cyber pen-pal
  • this judge will offer/an impartiality/ian knows you not!
  • vague and murky/catbox full of smelly *plonk*/discuss hot topics
  • yo, here's a haiku switch up!/seven, five, seven/i smack my haiku bitch up!

    The Leeny [leeny@doitnow.com] Collection

  • batty old woman/it feels like floating on clouds/do you smell something?
  • down the steep driveway/making the grandest entrance/on my ass. damn boots!
  • earning our goth points/you know the moves - everyone!/*hand, staple, forehead.*
  • fog over the bay/obscured view of city/another commute
  • grandma always said/don't play in the piles of leaves/dogs go potty there
  • her male counterpart/no better than she - egad!/silver lame' thong
  • "hey now, hey now now/sing this corrosion to me"/DJ potty break
  • i need to watch out/cleavage makes a great target/for those cherry stems
  • in the corner booth/people-watch till friends arrive/mortified, i glimpse
  • last call? i'm not done!/too late - barback collects cups/time to stumble home
  • leather-clad syren/swoops through the dark smoke, but oops!/she's got no undies!
  • no one saw it, though/just the security cam/face flushed. "five bucks, please?"
  • october delight/fallen leaves form soft mountains/into which i leap
  • vnv in town/not hard to get a ticket/but i've put it off
  • west seattle bridge/it's sure not the 520/for that, i'm grateful

    The Sunny [sunny@drizzle.com] Collection

  • bulging PVC/lumpen and stuffed like sausage/bimbo, of the night
  • i'm a vampire!/see my spooky plastic fangs?/ignore the lisp, please

    The Christopher Collins Collection

  • ask me for my PIN/your chances of procurement/i'd say slim to none
  • brownian motion/words incite raucous laughter/think i'll take a dump
  • find me an outhouse/and i'll make enchiladas/they'll probably suck
  • quantify my dump/find a scale and protractor/now you know me well
  • the hundred years war/did not last long enough for/me to wipe my butt
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