From fertilizer overdose to hacky sack hell, chipmunks are exterminating themselves at an alarming rate!
Squirrels top ten chipmunk suicide methods
10. the cat (the 2-hour torture, "i've been a bad chipmunk" way)
9. electrocution (the blood boiling method)
8. listening to the Spice Girls (death by piercing voices, and grotesque faces)
7. dog fart gas chamber (the death by odor )
6. human foot squashing (the crunch method)
5. hacky sack hell (the bone jolting fix)
4. jumping into a pool (the stuggling way)
3. fertilizer poisoning (the barfing way)
2. running out in front of big truck (the quick way)
1. carbon monoxide poisoning (the easy way out)
Are you ready
to see the dead chipmunks?
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your browser if your a wuss...
I didn't do
sunny day I was at the grocery store, while I was going back to my makeshift
Supra, I saw a chipmunk hanging out of some white car's exhaust pipe, it
was dead on the scene. Luckly, I had my camera and took a picture,
after I did that I tried giving the little munk some mouth to mouth but
he just wouldn't come around...
I was walking the dog one sunny day, and in the yard, there lay a little
chipmunk. I tried to pet it, but I discovered it was dead.
After washing my hands, I got my camera. Wow, two dead chipmunks
in one week, strange. After that I concluded that the death was by
fertilizer poisoning, or it could have been a victim of the bloodthirsty
Here you see a young hoodlum playing hacky sack with a chipmunk.
As I arrived on the scene to take photos and question the perpatrator,
he stated that the chipmunk was dead before he started playing hacky sack
Now I wouldn't have believed the hoodlum above, if I hadn't been hiding
in the bushes taking this undercover photo, here. He was telling
the truth, the squirrel was dead before he started playing hacky sack with
it. Yes, he killed this chipmunk by human foot squashing. After
I interrogated the suspect he said that the chipmunk begged him to do it,
but I have yet to believe that crock of crap. I've heard squirrels
talk, but never chipmunks.
This poor little chipmunk here wanted to do the pool method, but had no
pool. I believe that somehow the squirrel got on top of the roof,
and drowned himself in the gutter. When a heavy rain came, he was
washed down the pipe into the drainage ditch, where I found him/her the
6. I'm not sure what to call this disturbing chipmunk suicide, but it is definently some sort of hanging. I believe that by the chipmunk's positioning that a dog chased it up a fence, and the chipmunk realizing it could not escape, hung himself in a suicidal frenzy.
Odd things do happen, but 6 dead chipmunks
in the course of a few months is disturbing. I sometimes wonder if
I am a magnet for dead chipmunks, or if some prankster keeps putting dead
chipmunks in my yard. In conclusion this mass chipmunk suicide must
stop! I am tired of wasting my film on dead chipmunks, and I cannot
bear the site of another dear chipmunk dead.
You may ask why I publish such sick things on my website, but I feel that these chipmunks need help. If you see a suicidal chipmunk, please help them or give them the toll free number below.
Stop the chipmunk insanity!
"Sanity never came my way, sanity never came my way, I don't know what I'm doing today, cause sanity never came my way." -Phish, in relation to suicidal chipmunks.